The little (BIG) Girl That Could

Hello out there!

I’ve been MIA ever since my mother in law has been here. The computer is in her room, and since my only quiet time to blog is at night, I rarely get a chance to get online. But, my awesome mom bought us a laptop, so I am back to stay! yay!

I was SUPER nervous about going off track when Ramadan came. We fast for an entire month, during the daytime hours–no food or drink till sunset. Last year just before Ramadan, I was down about 25lbs, and blew it because the binging voice in my head let me believe that I could eat ANYTHING I wanted at night since I was fasting during the day. Well, that obviously didn’t work because I ballooned WAY up after that. :/

BUT, I am Oh-So-Happy to report that I did not sabotage myself, and am now 50lbs lighter and am blissfully happy here in ONEderland!!! I am currently 194.2, and have been for a while. I had to stop doing the workouts towards the end of Ramadan, I was getting too tired and could tell my body needed a break. But, I can definitely tell a difference in my body and am going to start the Shred back up tomorrow. Even though I was still losing, I just didn’t feel as fit, and even right now I feel like I weigh 250lbs or something…..I don’t know, but I definitely need to listen to these cues that my body gives me and not ignore them. So, tomorrow I will feel better after ’shredding’. haha

Well, I guess that’s about it…..my boys are sick with a stomach virus, so I’m hoping tomorrow is better for them. It’s so not fun when the little ones are sick. My oldest starts Kindergarten on Monday, so I’m hoping he’s all better by then!

Ok, thanks for reading!!!!

Filed under: Uncategorized on September 8th, 2011 | No Comments »

I finally hit 214.2, which means that I have lost a total of 30 lbs! I have been so focused on working on getting into ONEderland, that I totally didn’t realize 214=30 lbs lost! LOL

I was getting discouraged because the scale seemed to just sit (comfortably, I might add) at 216 foreeeeever. So, I became consumed with making it move and am now happily surprised to be able to say that I have lost 30lbs!

Things have been going pretty good, I’m still doing the 30 Day Shred and am on Level 2. It’s getting easier, but I still don’t think I’m ready to move up to Level 3 just yet. I really feel like I need some more cardio work, so after I do the shred, I try to do at least a mile on the treadmill. I am able to jog now for a quarter of a mile which is totally thanks to the shred workout! I want to try each day to get farther and farther jogging. I can’t believe how much I like running? Never woulda thought. LOL

It’s weird because I used to have dreams that I was running, or trying to run was more like it. Like my feet were so heavy and I could barely make a stride, but I could feel myself inside wanting to run soooo badly. I know dream interpretations say that means you are trying to run from something, so maybe it was me running from my binging/weight problems? I don’t know, but I do know that I feel so good when I’m actually running and I feel like it’s doing as much for my mind as it is for my body.

In other news, the hubbs is due home in T-6 days!!! I miss him so much, and so do the kids. We will all be happy when we’re home, all together. I haven’t told him how much I have lost, and I didn’t want to skype or anything so he could be surprised when he got home! I’ve lost I think 15 lbs since he’s left, so it might not be a HUGE difference, but I’m sure he’ll be able to tell.

Okey dokey..I guess that is all. I am off to do the Shred at this late hour. Thanks to my littlest monster who didn’t want to nap today and let me get my workout in. hehe

Nighty night y’all!!

Filed under: Uncategorized on July 1st, 2011 | 1 Comment »

Today is Day Number 53 of being abstinent from binging!

I am super proud of myself, and feel so much better already. Wow, if only 50-something days can make me feel so much better, I can’t imagine how another 53 days would feel!

BUT. With all of that being said, I am a little nervous about my hubby coming back with my MIL who is like, the worlds greatest cook. LOL. Also, in August, I will be fasting the entire month for religious reasons (nothing to eat OR drink during the daytime), and this is exactly where I got off track last year when I was down to 207 lbs.

It’s hard because I know that fasting is going to mess up my current eating schedule (2 main meals and 3 small snacks every 2.5 hrs). But, I am going to try soooo hard to eat good things when it’s time to break my fast, and to not over-eat.  This is going to be my TRUE willpower test, and I will be praying that I pass!!!!!!!

I am going to try to not worry about it until then, just keep focusing on the plan now and just preparing my mind to stay successful!!

Filed under: Uncategorized on June 26th, 2011 | No Comments »

Uggh, I’m getting a little frustrated here…..I weighed this morning at 219.2! I gained almost 1 pound??? How!!? I ate peeeerrrrrfectly yesterday, and even walked almost 2 miles. I’m really hoping it’s just because it’s that time of month (sorry, TMI alert—it’s the ‘heavy’ days) and not a true plateau!!!
I knew a plateau was bound to happen at some point….but, I’m soooo cloooooose to being *almost* outta the 2-teens!! I know once I get to 209 I’ll be so motivated to get to Onderland!!!!

Anyway, I have been doing Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred DVD. Actually, Level I and Level II are on COMCAST on Demand, so that’s pretty cool.
I’ve been doing Level I for like 2 weeks now, and have only done Level II once. I suppose it’s time to move up, but I’ve been having shin splints, so I don’t want to over-do it.

Today though, after I finished up Level I, I was looking through the On-Demand Exercise Shows and found Jillian’s 6 pack in 6 weeks ab workout. Silly me decided to try it! Man, is that an AWESOME workout!!!!! It is definitely better NOT paired with a shred workout, LOL (yet, anyway), but I feel my abs and love-handle area aching already. (Love it!)
I couldn’t finish the whole workout, but did about half, so I felt good about that. Had I not been doing Level I Shred these past few weeks, I never would have gotten through the first 5 minutes of her ab workout, hahaha.

So, I ate good again today, did my work outs, (plus walked at the park with the boys) so I BETTER see a good number on the scale in the morning. Hmmm…..maybe thiiiiiiis is why I shouldn’t  be weighing myself everyday!? LOL
Ahhhh….good night everyone!!!

Filed under: Uncategorized on June 21st, 2011 | 3 Comments »

I’m baaaaaack!

I wanna give a big shot-out to LISA and MUNCHBERRY! I can’t tell you enough HOW much your comments mean to me. Munchberry, if you have a blog, send me the link, I’d love to check it out! And, Lisa, I plan to go see what you’ve been up to, too!

So, here’s my updates:

I was out of town for a few weeks, and honestly didn’t have anytime to blog!! I did write a lot in my food journal though, which helped tremendously!! I was super nervous about leaving home and being away from my routine that I had gotten into (did I mention I don’t like change? LOL!).
BUT. I am happy to report that things went better than expected!

-I didn’t binge once (today is actually day 47 of being abstinent from binging!)
-I didn’t overeat
-I managed to work out A LOT!
-Started 30 Day Shred (loooove it!!)

Sooooo…..my official weight right now is 218.8!!! That means that I have lost 26 pounds since May 5th, when I started (244). I realize that the majority of that 26 pounds is water weight, but I don’t care. LOL.

I have had a few hard days recently, mainly today….just because it’s that fun time of the month and I feel HUGE, even though I’m still losing.

Times like these are pivotal I think, because it’s soooo easy to ‘fall off the wagon’ and sabotage yourself. I can’t even count how many times Mr. Annoying Binging Voice popped into my head today. Uggh. But, I will not let him win. I just keep telling myself that slow and steady is what wins the race, and I didn’t get fat overnight, so I sure as heck ain’t getting skinny over night either!

Ahhh…so, I guess that is it for now.

The hubbs is returning in a few weeks, so I am super excited about that. I’m hoping to lose 10 more pounds (if I can) before then so he’ll get a nice surprise when he gets home.

Hope you are all doing well!! <3

Filed under: Uncategorized on June 19th, 2011 | 2 Comments »

I was having computer issues and wasn’t able to log onto my account on our computer, so I was using DH’s account, but of course none of my passwords are saved there, and I couldn’t remember my WordPress login info for the life of me!
But, it is now fixed, and I’m back!!

I weighed myself twice today, once it was 230.1 and the other was 229.8. I don’t know why it did that, but I’m not going with the 229 just yet. Seems like a fluke, but I am hoping tomorrow it’s true!

So..like I said in my last post, my DH is going to be leaving soon and that it’s started to really hit me.

Well. Today, as I was driving home from the grocery store (still hard for me to do alone, because of course I want to buy every piece of junk food there is, and when I’m alone is the easiest way to get my hands on it. But, I didn’t.) , I started thinking about all the things going on in my life right now:

-Hubby leaving for 6 weeks
-Little one is weaned-Big one is graduating Pre-K (this is typically a ‘happy’ emotional time, but my special big boy was born with a heart defect that required 2 open heart surgeries when he was very small, so any accomplishment he achieves makes the emotions 10x stronger)
….and last, but certainly not least:
-My friend aka ‘binging’ is gone.

………..Which brings me to the ‘deep’ part of my Going Deep title.

Before, when my ‘friend’ binging was around, I was numb to just about every stressful emotion that came my way. I was always happy, never nervous or anxious, never really depressed. Just happy and easy going. And, today as I was driving and thinking about all of these things, I was asking myself why I was so worked up about it all? Surely I’ve been through much more stressful times. My husband was gone a lot last summer too, on business, and I wasn’t this upset about it. I’ve had deaths in the family, family drama, plus the most stressful event in my life about 5 years ago was going through the open heart surgeries with my son.

And people always tell me how composed I am, and how things just don’t bother me, and I’ve always thought it was just because I was a strong person. But, that’s not the WHOLE reason. The rest of the reason, is because I was able to shut those emotions down with food and binging. As long as I was planning my next binge, and what I was going to eat next, I was fine. Sure, seeing my baby go through something like that was awful and of course I broke down. But, eating definitely made me feel better.

So, this time that I am under a moderate amount of stress, it seems so hard because I’m not using food as my crutch. I’m actually FEELING these emotions and dealing with them normally! This must be what it feels like to not depend on food!

I’m not gonna lie, heck yeah I want to run out to Wendy’s and order me a burger and fries and then go get a banana pudding shake from Chick Fil A! (Wow, that was pretty detailed, LOL) I KNOW that it would make me feel better. But, I’d literally just be burying my feelings under all that garbage, and this time I’m going to actually let them come up to the surface to be dealt with. It feels great and awful all at the same time.

Phew.

Filed under: Uncategorized on May 25th, 2011 | 2 Comments »

So, my little one is going to be 2 in a few weeks and is still breastfed. He was only BF’ing a few times a day, no more for bedtime or naps or anything. But, lately he’s been reverting back to wanting it to go to sleep, and was asking for it allllll day it seemed like. So, I had to do something because he was starting to wake up at 5am and come in mine and DH’s bed and was expecting to nurse till 6 or so!! I was so not doing that again–not after him sleeping all night on his own for about a year now.

So, today he nursed only one time this morning and that was it. I’m thinking this is the end of our BF’ing journey! It is so bittersweet! I loved nursing him, and actually wouldn’t mind if he still did once or twice a day. But, the way he was headed was just too much. I’m sure he’ll be wanting some in the morning, and I’m debating on whether or not to keep that feeding. But, I’m thinking I should just cut it all out at once. Ahh, I don’t know, we shall see how he is in the morning!

Today was Day 18 of no binging! It was a hard one though….. I think I am feeling that stress of the husband leaving soon, plus weaning my little man. AND it’s that TOM (time of month), so of course I want to eat anything in site (more so than usual, haha).
But, I got through it, and am hoping I ate ok since I didn’t work out, thanks to cramps. Blah…. I know I should just walk through it, but honestly, I am so tired I just wanna go to bed and not think about eating. LOL.

And, on an AWESOME note, I am down ANOTHER pound!! 230.4 to be exact. I seem to be .4 something everyday?? I think I have lost 1 pound a day for the past 3 days?? I am really not complaining, but am super shocked! I hope the 220’s go by as fast as these 230’s (and half of the 240’s) did! I would looooove to be close to 220 by the time the hubbs leaves so I can (do I dare say it??) be 199 by the time he gets home!!!!!!!! I don’t want to set myself up for failure, so I’m just gonna focus on my mini-goals. But, a girl can dream, right?

Ok y’all…have a great night out there in cyber land! <3

Filed under: Uncategorized on May 22nd, 2011 | 1 Comment »

It’s finally started to sink in that my hubby is leaving exactly one week from today to visit family overseas! I am soooo sad that he leaving, not to mention that he will be gone for 6 whole weeks!! I am trying to take advantage of that though, and just focus on my goals, so he will not even recognize me when he gets back, LOL. I think if I keep focused on eating right/not binging and exercising, it should keep my mind off missing him so much. Well, that, and taking care of my two little monsters will keep me busy too!!!

I am a little nervous that I will be more tempted to binge without him here though. I only binge when I’m all by myself, and by him being thousands of miles away, it’s just a huge trigger. BUT. I refuse to let that little voice win, and am going to remain strong!!! I will, I will!
Another plus about him leaving, is that my mother in law will be coming back with him! I haven’t seen her in over 2 years, so it will be nice to have her staying with us for a few weeks.

So, onto the nitty gritty! I am down another pound as of this am! Scale said 231.4, so I’m sooooo cloooooose to being outta the 30’s!

I had a good day today, although I was a little off-routine. I managed to keep my cals in range (1000 probably, at the most), but didn’t get any work outs in. Which, is ok I think with my cals being that low. We have a ton of shopping to do tomorrow for the hubb’s trip, so hopefully I’ll get some good walking in.

Ok, that’s about it. I’m off to look at some more goal pics on the forum!! :)   Have a great night (or day!)

Filed under: Uncategorized on May 21st, 2011 | 2 Comments »

Today was a good day!  I timed myself after I ate lunch today, to see how long it took my brain to register that I am full. I honestly think that this is the first time that I have ever done that! It’s so weird, like RIIIIIIGHT after I am done eating, and see my empty bowl or plate, it’s like that ravenous shark feeling starts up and I wanna go right into the kitchen and eat the first thing I see. Today, I just sat there and waited, and about 20 minutes later, I was ‘normal’ and could finally feel full. Of course, I had my coffee already ready, because I really think that helps keep the after-meal eating in check when I have it ready.

So, basically by doing this, I am trying to train my brain (and teach myself) that if I can just get through those 20 minutes, I can get through any binging urge. And, hopefully those 20 minutes will get less and less, and I will be managing it better.

Today is day 16 of no binging, and I’m feeling good. I am actually feeling like I have some control over food, rather than the other way around. I hated, I mean HATED being a slave to food. Ugh, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world, and when it’s at it’s worst, you feel like you can never escape. I never, ever want to go back to that place again.

Phew. Ok, today is almost over, time to get ready for bed! Can’t wait to conquer Day 17 tomorrow!

–Thanks, Lisa for reading and commenting! It’s nice to know there is someone out there!!!

Filed under: Uncategorized on May 20th, 2011 | 1 Comment »

Yeah, ok. So you can officially count me out of the once-a-week-weighing-club. LOL. I gave in AGAIN today, and weighed….just because I hardly ate anything yesterday and took the kids for a nice walk to the park instead of doing the treadmill. So, I was actually 232.2 today! What! I swear I weighed myself like 4 times to make sure, but each time, it was the same. I’ll take it, of course. I just need to make sure that I’m doing this right, and not going overboard. More so because I’m DEATHLY afraid of falling off the wagon and going on a binge. I do feel like I’m depriving myself of certain things somewhat, like cookies or chips.

I’m just one of those people that have a reaaaaalllly hard time eating only 10 chips, or 1 cookie. It’s like once the taste hits my mouth, it’s over and I don’t care how many calories it has (think: the shark from Finding Nemo when he gets a whiff of Dori’s blood and goes crazy trying to eat her, LOL).
But, today at the store I did get some alternatives to some snacks that I feel like I can control myself with.

I got some ‘Chips’ that are actually rice cakes. They are tortilla flavored, so they are perfect for my nightly meatless (and shell-less) taco salad. 15 chips have only 120 calories, so I *think* I will be able to stop myself after that much.
I also got some Snackwell’s 100 cal packs of double chocolate cookies. Those I think I will save for a nighttime treat if I still need some cals for the day, or to have in the am with my coffee, since my breakfast sandwich is only 170 cals.
So, that’s the plan, Stan! I am very motivated by the loss of poundage this week, so hopefully that will keep me on the right track!!

Oh, I almost forgot another very important tid-bit! Today is Day 15 of NO BINGING! Yaaaay!!!!

Filed under: Uncategorized on May 19th, 2011 | 2 Comments »