Shrinking Mama Zilla

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Day three, four, and five ~ unfortunate

Hello ~

It has been an exhausting and crazy few days:

Day 3: Mommy came by to help me and I asked her to bring me some goodies, this is the worst!! My family is the slightly unhealthier, meaning they will buy chocolate, they will snack on pastries, etc. Anyways she brought me 2 Lindt Lindor Chocolates. They are so good! Melt in your mouth!! hehe and then I ate two of these delicious trail mix bars, about 140 calories each. So there those were the 4 items that I should not have eaten. I feel guilty.

Day 4: The hubby was home, so I was really good and did not eat anything crazy. Bo-ring. lol, no I am glad I didn’t but I wish I had this type of self control when he wasn’t home.

Day 5: Terrible, I couldn’t resist the darn mini chocolate muffins his parents bought for breakfast or whatever from Costco. Anyway at 100 calories each, I ate 4 this morning. Jeeeeez. Pure disappointment.

Actually yesterday and today, I have not had a lot of breast milk. It makes me sad…um…I said this before, I am not dieting right now, I would not want to take away from my breast milk, honestly I think I am not drinking enough water and/or I am not getting enough nutrients because I sleep so much I eat about 3 times a day, like should I eat more meals? You know what I mean? I am only really awake for 12 hours at a time, if I don’t nap in the middle of those 12 hours, because if I get up during my sleeping 12 hours for the baby, I get up and then go to sleep.

So I am trying to have more soup again because when I first got home from the hospital, I was given a lot of soup, this helped with the breast milk, I really do not want to lose my breast milk!!! I want the best nutrients for my baby!!

- J

Filed under : Uncategorized
By shrinkzilla
On February 8, 2012
At 6:42 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

Day two ~ Must keep it up

Heya! So officially day two, it is a shame really because I am not reeeeally in the “lifestyle” change that I would like to be at, with actual dieting and exercising, of course, I am not mad and I am not going to push myself.

My goal here, now, is to make sure that I keep away from sweets/junk food while I recover. I need to develop better eating habits such as drinking more water and eating fruits, veggies, oatmeal…? LOL I have a love/hate relationship with oatmeal, I LOVE oatmeal with brown sugar, with water, I hate milk. But like in the morning, I am the type to crave like super sweets, so when I arrive at the office (my morning commute is like an hour), I do not want to make oatmeal. I have to stop thinking about the past, I must focus on the future.

Really, during my pregnancy, I was good with eating a lot of different healthy food, but I was also very bad sometimes. Anyways I need to really leave all that in the past.

I find myself just always drifting into the past. I think that I need to make a mental adjustment. There must be an easier way to snap out of the past mindset. *sigh*

Anyways, As I mentioned before, we are moving into our new place soon (the renovations are almost done) and all I can think about/dream about is being able to fit into all of my clothes.

I have a very bad habit, I used to be around 150-160 at 5′2, and I love buying clothes that are like a perfect and slightly smaller sometimes. This is always in hopes and anticipation that I will be losing weight.

Then after my purchase, I always feel like I don’t want to ruin my new clothes that are a little bit tighter (like nice button downs for work) or blazers that feel a little tight in the back/sleeves area, you know what I mean! lol

Anyways I love fashion, I love clothes, I have a lot of nice (I am a bargain/quality shopper, I love great quality/classic fashion/FANTASTIC deal, for instance, this was a great great find, I bought two Gap 100% cashmere cardigans which were priced at $100 each for only $17.98 each. THAT is what I call a quality bargain)

SO, and I by no means feel like I have the most clothes, I am still very conservative, I just have collected a lot over the years, I am so motivated to fit into my clothes. (not to mention just to look really damn good)

I am in LOVE with knee high boots. And I have some, but they are still on the very tight side because I have very muscular calves, like abnormally large calves. I love shoes!! I want to fit properly into knee high boots SO badly, I want to be able to buy any knee highs as I want, one of my favorite looks is shorts/mini skirts with tights and knee highs, Fab look~

Okay so sometimes my feet do not fit properly into my shoes… like I said quality/bargain, so normally I always buy my shoes on sale, and although I bought these on sale, they were still like $100 at least, they were flats from tory burch and they were so comfortable, I love love them, okay what happens? Because of my fat feet, the bottom sole is really thin, so part of the leather touched the floor and wore the leather out pretty badly. I was SO depressed!! It is very rare I spend this type of money on shoes, nonetheless some plain flats (I bought the plain tory burch flats, not the ones with the gold logo on the front/top).

I love being able to finally express my feelings and thoughts about myself and why I have been trying so hard to get this, to lose weight, to fit into my clothes, to be healthy, to show my daughter how to be healthy too. Something so hard for me is that I do not want my daughter to go through what I went through in school, being the fat girl or being insecure about herself.

It is time to make a change and the time is now. Every day. I need to keep it up. I need to change my lifestyle and change how I think, and constantly think and constantly focus, on maintaining my goal weight.

Giants just won the Super Bowl lol yay!! hehe Update more tomorrow, hubby will be at work and I will have more free time to blog it up.

- J

Filed under : Uncategorized
By shrinkzilla
On February 5, 2012
At 6:55 pm
Comments :1
 
 

Day One ~ Must learn either…

Hi,

It is always somewhat easier to not eat unhealthy when the hubby is at home. He is all about me not eating fatting foods. He will make fun of me about my goal to lose my weight; claiming that at the rate that I am going, I will never lose it! :( Very negative ~ but he does tell the truth, because I have said time and time again that I plan on losing weight and I never pull through. Unfortunately he sees this and rubs it in my face.

When we were dating, the first time I mentioned losing weight, he was very supportive, helpful, and sweet about it. But after failing, once, twice, thrice,…he doesn’t believe in me anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if I even believe in myself? —

I am bad. I break my own rules. I binge on junk food. I am uncontrollable.

When I was at work, I would wander into the Duane Reade (pharmacy) right outside, or the downstairs little coffee shop, and buy —- sweets! I am a sweets fanatic. I will definitely choose a donut over a bag of chips.

I get off my bus and I instantly crave: Glazed bow tie donut or Humungo cinnamon bun from Duane Reade.

I will go downstairs and purchase the packaged gourmet coffee cake.

I love chocolate.

I must learn either to HATE or learn to CONTROL/have WILLPOWER, to not give in.

I am still on maternity leave, but it will be hard when I return to work as, there are temptations always around the corner!

I know that once in a while a treat is okay, but I will not be able to control that, I will want more more more.

I cannot give myself that one “treat”.

I was reading that we should always reward ourselves, but not with food, GOOD IDEA!! Because I was always the type to want to reward myself with food.

I wish I could see what type of progress I was making. As soon as I purchase a scale, I will put daily weight-ins.

I know some people only believe in weight-ins once a week, I like the daily. I will not get crazy over fluctuations but I will see my fluctuations at least, my lows and highs of the week, that’s fine with me.

Anyways today I did okay I guess, his mom made delicious wontons (not the type you get at the Chinese Restaurant) this kind has green leafy veggies, pork, and shrimp in it. But she gave me too much and I had to eat it all because they will just throw it out and she tends to think I don’t like it if I don’t eat it all, SO I am not that hungry for dinner and will most likely just have some soup with meat.

Hope I am losing weight, I have no concept at all, my hubby can’t tell and I want my scale now!!!! lol

- J

Filed under : Uncategorized
By shrinkzilla
On February 4, 2012
At 4:13 pm
Comments : 4
 
 

Hello world! Day Zero~

*SIGH* I have said this before…but ultimately my plan is to never say it again after this one last time…

“I am going to diet (and exercise but not quite yet since I just had a c-section 2 weeks ago) and I will stick to my goal of only eating healthy (even treats will be healthy). I will REACH and MAINTAIN my goal weight of 120 (I am short) by December 21, 2012. I have a lot of weight to lose, but I plan to lose them with diet and exercise.” Commence Diet ~ Midnight February 4, 2012 ~

I have a new life, new baby and about to move into my new place!! I am so excited because for once in my life, I will be able to really control my food.

Here’s my story:

I am a pretty recent college graduate, being in a Chinese household, mommy always cooked and we eat what mommy makes. Don’t get me wrong, what she would make would be healthy, but other stuff that would be kept in the house would not be so healthy. I have a younger sister, we LOVE to pig out at home. But she is 125lbs and the same height as myself. Lucky her.

Anyways, I work FT, and travel (occasionally but that really gets me in trouble and I will explain. I travel away for a week and eat out every meal, every day. The first time I did this, I ended up gaining like almost 10 pounds! I ordered anything I wanted, what a mistake, I will need to learn better ways of handling this, last time I travelled, I basically ate salads or tried to, everywhere, I still ended up gaining a few pounds)

Last year I got married and moved in with my hubby, but due to how picky we were about the place we were getting, it took longer than expected and we have been living with his parents. Again, don’t get me wrong, his mom makes great healthy Chinese food!! But again, I have no control over the food we eat or what we keep in the house.

For instance, there are these mini chocolate muffins, a container of like 50 from Costco, like seriously they are almost expired and not to be wasteful, because this has happened where things get moldy, I ate 6 of them Friday, 2/3, you know. I keep justifying the fact that they are going to go bad. Bad mentality.

I need to tell myself that wasting food is okay. I need to re-brain wash myself. I need to not be afraid of wasting food. It is not MY food, and when it is MY food, I will learn how NOT to WASTE food, but make sure that they are all healthy food.

POINT: I am very much about being economical and green and not being wasteful, of anything! Honestly, I don’t even like giving up old clothes (sadly even to charity, I cling on to stuff!!) (But I have donated my clothes and will donate some soon when I move in and go through my clothes)

Okay so pre-pregnancy I was 165, my lowest weight was 140, and my highest weight was when I was about to give birth at 210. It was disappointing to have gained that much (45 pounds) during the pregnancy. I keep telling myself it was 35-40 pounds. 45 is so close to 50. Ugh. *shake it off*

Okay so during my pregnancy, for 9 months, I would always be tempted to diet, but of course I could not!!

And now that I had to get a c-section, I cannot exercise for at least another 6 weeks. I was reading all this scary stuff of women’s like stitches ripping internally and stomach ripping open like AHHHHHHHH SUPER SCARY.

Anyway, I am now being “fed” by hubby’s mom, I am lucky. In Chinese culture the husband’s family does take care of the wife during that first month of postpartum.

So down to weight-ins. I do not have access to an accurate scale here so I will have to wait to weight in at the doctor’s when I go next next Wednesday 2/15.

But on 1/23, I weighted 192.

I might (hopefully) but losing more than 2 pounds a week, I am aiming for that of course, just through being busy with baby and not eating before bed. But I figure since I am trying to eat my normal intake (being pregnant made me eat a little more crazy than normal) I might be shedding more than 2 pounds a week? Especially if it is due to my uterus shrinking or losing my excess water.

So on 2/15, I should have lost about 5 pounds so aiming for 187.

Well I need sleep. I am all prepped for sleep and I know baby will wake in a few hours for another feeding. I will update later as to what has been going on with my eating habits, How I lost a bad habit and seemed to pick it right back up. Now I need the courage to fight it off again.

- J

Filed under : Uncategorized
By shrinkzilla
On February 3, 2012
At 8:50 pm
Comments : 2