Good Lord. I copy and pasted the below part because I had written it elsewhere and I am too lazy to come up with new thoughts right now.
12/27/2010 10:59 AM. OK so today is the mark of a new day. I’ve decided that today is when I will force myself out of this funk. Bri and I have a new goal and that is to lose 15 lbs by the time my birthday comes around so in 6.5 weeks. That is a little over 2 lbs a week. I’m deciding to do this before the actual new year because I don’t see the point in waiting for a specific day where the date is different for me to be able to get a piece of myself back again. It seems a little cliched and all of the resolutions I have made in the past were not really that serious because it seemed so forced. Now this goal is that much more important to me because I’ve already started the process. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, I have some somewhat bad news. I went to my friends bridal shower yesterday and after all the gifts had been opened and the guests had left, just us bridesmaids were left….and a bottle of champagne. We started talking about the dresses and how much we spent, when we got them and then everyone’s eyes turned to me. I haven’t bought mine yet. Apparently the bridal shop needs ot have all dresses bought 4 months in advance and alterations need to be in 90 days before the wedding date. Did not know that. What am I suppose to do if I am planning to lose another 30-50 lbs by then?? One of the other bridesmaids is a seamstress but amateur so I’m concerned with putting a $150 dress in the hands of someone who makes renaissance dresses. I’m sure she would be fine but I don’t want to find myself in a pickle if I end up having to walk down the aisle in a dress that is basically is a garbage bag. I guess I’ll just have to figure it out. I definitely don’t want to put my weightloss on hold.
So the wedding is getting closer and closer and right now it is my major milestone. I’ve taken a look at the bridesmaid dress again and have decided tha tI need to work on my arms! LOL! I need to tone these puppies!!
So tonight I met the bridesmaids and their mothers (me by myself of course) at David’s Bridal. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that we would actually be trying on dresses. I thought maybe I was just going to watch them try n dresses, I’m not sure. Anyway, after about 20 dresses and close to 3 breakdowns later I found a dress. Are dress sizes normally bigger than pant sizes? I almost cried when I grabbed a 20 and couldn’t zip it all the way. The other girls picked theirs after only having tried on 3 other dresses!! I walk out of the non-mirrored dressing room to four sets of eyes staring at me. Two mothers, who are the sweetest as could be, were offering tips on different dress types that may make my hips look smaller or stomach look less noticeable although they didn’t use those particular reasons as to why the dresses didn’t look good. The bridesmaids are great friends of mine and there were just so sweet about everything and I thank GOD that I have friends like them. They oooh’d and awww’d at every dress saying things like, “Oh Michelle! Thats the one! Thats it!” when in reality we all knew it looked hideous. It is so stupid but I was incredibly ashamed that all of them knew my dress size. I went slowly from size 20, to a 22, to a 24 which fit too big but the 22 was too snug. It was so embarrassing. They would yell from one side of the dresses rack to the other, “What size?”, “24!”. Oh God, I was mortified that that number was even being said outside of someone else’s mouth in regard to me! All I wanted to do was shrivel up and cry in the corner of my non-mirrored dressing room. I kept telling myself to get my shit together. That this wedding wasn’t about me but about my amazing friend who is being gracious enough to actually let us pick our own damn dress! Every time I tried on a new dress I tried to stay positive but every time I opened that door to the hallway of a million mirrors and faced those eyes that all looked at me in an almost pitying sense, my confidence and self worth was sucked out of me. I knew my friends thought this was an embarrassing process for me and I hated that I put them in a position that made them feel the need to make me feel better about myself. It shouldn’t be their job to do that!
Well, if anything this experience has given me an even bigger sense of urgency to get my act together and reach at least one of the goals I had set for myself. Right now, Bre and I are setting to reach 12-15 pounds by my birthday–February 15. If I can work my ass of and tone this body into shape then every 6 weeks I can reach 12-15 pounds. So by the time the wedding comes around there really shouldn’t be a problem with me hitting 30 lbs. Which will still only put me at a 60-some loss. Definitely not my goal but you know the slower the better right? Then by the time my other friend (who is the best friend of my friend getting married in April) gets married, which is in October, then I can be possible down another 30-40. Maybe then I’ll be close to 100. So about a year and a half. I wish it could be sooner but if I rush it I just won’t appreciate my hard work as much.
Anyway, I’m sure I am some more information to catchup on but I am volunteering at St. Joseph’s tomorrow early morning! So I need to get my beauty sleep.
Goodnight ladies and gents of the weight loss paradigm!