I have many reasons for wanting to lose the weight that I have accumulated over the years but one major reason is that fact that I want a boyfriend again! I want to be held and kissed and stared at again. I miss walking through the mall and making guys heads turn. Now I go to the mall with my thinner and more beautiful friends and they are the ones who make heads spin off. I use to be able to walk in to a place by myself and get several smiles from beautiful -BEAUTIFUL- men. Now I am just in the way. The only people who tell me I look cute or pretty are the girls at work who only mention something if I did something to my hair or I bought a new top. What happened to me!! What did I let myself do! Why did I cut off my beautiful long blonde hair and die it brown. How did I let myself get so unhealthy and for Heaven’s sake, why did I pick up smoking!??
I miss getting butterflies when I meet a new guy and he’s actually looking at me, no one else but me. I miss being smiled at or being flirt with. I miss strong arms folding around me and making the rest of the world disappear. I miss strong lips that make my thighs go up in flames. I miss a strong back to press my hands in to. I miss being able to take my clothes off in front of a boyfriend and allow him to show me how beautiful he thinks I am.
Now I’m so unsure of my body that even if I lost all of my weight before I’m 25, I would be covered in stretch marks. I can’t hide those. I want a boyfriend again-one that is my bestfriend. One I can tell anything to and he’ll still love me at the end of the day. The only men I attract now are either 10+ years older or below my standards (which aren’t set high enough sometimes).
When I was in highschool I imagined myself dating the man I planned on marrying and making plans to have babies by now-not planning on getting off work to go to my empty house and cuddle with my chihuahua while I watch people fall in love on TV. I apologize for being so forward but I’m tired of getting myself off. I miss that the most out of men. Men have a way of making you feel like a woman.
Well the best thing I can do is keep continuing to get my body back, let me hair grow out and attempt to get my natural color back while keeping to my diet and exercise routines. Again, I’ve got four months to do 40 lbs and I was suppose to have started my p90x yesterday again-and I didn’t. BUT I am getting back on this wagon and I AM going to lose this weight and I WILL be a head turning knock out again.