Reality. I’m fat.

11 Apr, 2010

The Concept, “Just Say No”

Posted by: shellydeflores In: Uncategorized

The idea of just say no, as inspiring as it sounds, is to say no to everything you said yes to or allowed yourself to say yes to in the past. Anything that wasn’t good for you but yet you still allowed yourself to go through with it.  Notice how I said, ‘allowed yourself’ because in essence, that is what happened. You allowed yourself to say yes to that second helping of oh so delicious garlic butter and parmesan mashed potatoes and your second slice of raspbery cheesecake! Mmmm, my mouth is watering! 

If you are anything like me you just want to eat whatever is in front of you that smells or tastes good. You just want a nibble of that birthday cake, and then maybe a bite, and then maybe a spoonful, it’s really not that big of a bite. Oh well maybe just one more spoonful. Mmmm the twirling mess of chocolatey goodness in my mouth exploding with amazing morsels of hot lava yumminess with every bite down of my teeth! Ugh, it’s better than sex!! Before you know it, you’ve eaten an entire half of a cake and you never knew it’s name. My justification is that I ate it with a spoon, it couldn’t have been that much, it’s a spoon! How foolish am I?

I can’t count how many times I have seen something in front of me and told myself NO! I will not eat it, I will walk right past it without thinking twice about it! No! I will not allow my hand to reach for that donut. No! I will not allow myself to order two dishes because I couldn’t decide on which one I wanted more. It’s a bit sad-but that last one is recently true.

Have you ever been to that point where you told yourself you weren’t going to do it? You told yourself a million times, over and over again! I have. I’ve told myself that I will not stop by Chik Fil A on my way home from work and that I will go home and make myself a nice chicken and rice plate. I won’t go to Chik-Fil A! I won’t go to Chik Fil A! I won’t break down! I’ll hate myself later, I know I will! I won’t go to Chik Fil A!!!

About 20 minutes later I’m in front of the TV watching Scrubs eating #4 with a bottle of water. Like the bottle of water is suppose to justify my horrible decision. Sometimes I think maybe it’s an eating disorder. That I really can’t control myself and that I just have to have that amazing chicken sandwich covered with swiss cheese, bacon and lettuce on a toasted wheat bun with two pickles waiting to surpise me in the middle of it all! Is your mouth watering? If you have had this sandwich before, it should be. I hate to think that what I have is an eating disorder because I am a strong believer that you either allow yourself to do something or you don’t. Self control. Thats the key. Even now, as I look in to the air to come up with my next thought to type out my mind wandered to my box of White Cheddar Cheezits sitting in my cupboard calling my name and telling me it’s snack time! Food is a consistent thought in my head. What I want, what I “can’t” have, and what I absolutely won’t have. 

The concept of, “Just Say No” is a constant battle within me. It angers me that I went out and had that sandwich and didn’t have the strength to just say no. This happened last night-by the way. I can make it sound as easy and/or as dificult as possible but it really comes down to one thing standing in your way. You. As incredibly gay and cliched as that sounds.


If I can learn to say no to myself and not always feel the need to “allow” myself to say no then I think I might be able to get over this stupid obsession with having to prove something to myself. I will keep udating my struggles with this and I would love your ideas on this and shared struggles. I think sharing our daily conflicts with just saying no will help others to see they are not alone. I know that my vulnerability is already out there and I would like to know that I am not the only one.

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  • Saathi: Sure im writing lil bit too late....actually, u may be fine by now, but still i wanted to say something about the things u'd written here. First of al
  • shellydeflores: Oh and weight has hit a new low. 252.6. Although today is Thanksgiving so we'll see how long that laster.
  • shellydeflores: Oh and FYI-i'm on my period so I am not daring to weigh. EFFF that. I don't need the heart ache right now.