Tired of being "almost"

quick update

shanjourney — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:18:18 +0000

Saw 136 on the scale again this morning.. Woo hoo

Still fighting the desire to stuff my face every minute of the day to stop the hurting of knowing i’m leaving my SO in 2 days.

Didn’t feel like running today (I ran really hard yesterday) so I compromised and did a light 1.6 mile jog/walk/run. Hard to believe i’ve already run over 25 miles this month! It was only 3 months ago that I could barely run a mile! I’m happy that i’m getting my heart healthier in this process.

just an update

shanjourney — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 02:16:26 +0000

Ok, so I went home last friday and I was able to stay mostly on track. I even turned down an offer to go out to eat at one of my favorite places. I struggled more since I was back at home (the house I grew up in) and there is food EVERYWHERE!!! All in all I was able to stay the same… no loss but no gain either so I couldn’t be too disappointed.

Then yesterday came and I buckled. My SO wanted to go out for lunch and while I drank water and only ate 1/2 of my meal I then felt like I deserved to splurge these last few days with him and I bought ice cream. To top off a bad day I didn’t run either. The scale this morning 137.0 (*gag*) oh well, I did it to myself and I know exactly why.

Unfortunately i’m on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster right now…2 more days with SO before I move 7+ hours away and I broke down again. Dairy queen created this horrible (yet oh so good) dessert called the Oreo Brownie Earthquake… I ate it and loved it. Then I came home and made myself look up the calories online and add it to my daily total. It was…. 760 calories *cringes* yup… over 1/2 of what I allow myself a day and I’m not dumb i know they are bad calories too. To try to salvage the day I only ate a little mashed potatoes for dinner and then I ran 2.5 miles and pushed really hard beating my best time by a full minute and a half. (granted it has been a while since I’ve timed myself) I ended up finishing approx. 2.5 miles in 24 minutes and 31 seconds. WOOO HOOO…. then I tried not to collapse ha ha ha. Now I feel much better. I know come morning I probably won’t have lost anything but I don’t expect to have gained either. Back on the wagon I go…

Proud

shanjourney — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:03:23 +0000

With med school starting at the end of this month, the next few weeks involve me traveling all over my state visiting family/friends. As was seen in my last post I learned what happens when I make a trip without a real plan. A comment on my last post asked me what my plan was and I realized I didn’t really have one. So I thought about it and decided to count my calories (aiming for 1200 to 1400 per day). I think that was sunday… I went to the grocery and bought a lot of fruit and “healthy” food that is low in calories to help. I left for a trip on monday and I got back home yesterday (thursday)… the difference was that this time I bought a small ice chest and packed fruit, tuna, cereal, fiber one bars, diet drinks, and diet tv dinners. I stuck to my guns and found a park to run my 2 miles /day at (except for one of the days). I also continued counting my calories and aimed at about 1200 per day. I did allow myself to splurge on one lunch (burrito, chips/queso & soft drink) because I knew I would be out in the texas heat doing a lot of physical work for most of the afternoon.

So what was the result? I got on the scale this morning and saw 136.0 !!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! this feels so much better than getting home and seeing a gain. While I’ve only lost 3 lbs total for someone my size I am happy with it. I have to work hard for every lb and I am proud. I am going to try to keep this up through the rest of my trips too; not to mention bringing my own food on trips saves me money

grrr setbacks

shanjourney — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:28:23 +0000

i didn’t have a plan for my moving trip other than “try to eat in moderation.” Bad idea. The scale this morning 139.2! Ugh! Back to where I started. Next time I know I will face a difficult few days I need to pack healthy meals/snacks so that I won’t have to depend so much on eating out.

Here’s my food accountability:
july 1st (dad arrived in town, got uahul & loaded it from storage unit)
-breakfast: cereal
-lunch: left over pad thai noodles
- snack: breyer’s double churned ice cream with chocolate pieces
-dinner: spinach & chicken quesadillas, chips & salsa, coke & refill at mexican restaurant.
july 2nd (7 hr drive & unloading the uhaul truck day)
-breakfast: left over pad thai noodles (while my b/f & dad ate mc donalds)
-snack: 20 oz dr. pepper & hershey’s dark chocolate bar
-lunch/dinner: 4 rolls from tx roadhouse (my weakness!) , diet coke, ceasar side salad, 1/2 of my mashed potatoes and about 1/3 of the pulled pork they gave me.
-snack: complimentary coke from apt. complex (12 oz)
-late night dessert - medium hot fudge sundae from dairy queen

july 3rd (2 hr drive, lunch with b/f’s dad, 7 hr drive home after)
- breakfast: fiber 1 bar
-lunch: diet coke & 1/2 of a dijon chicken meal from Cheddar’s.
-snack: diet dr. pepper
-dinner: diet A&W, 8-inch roast beef/turkey sandwich from firehouse subs (no mayo), handful of chips.
-dessert: piece of chocolate bark.

My exercise for both days = 0 miles & 0 minutes.

I know these were difficult days and I need to be nice to myself, not beat myself up. It just sucks to start from scratch again.

Yay progress

shanjourney — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:15:36 +0000

Ok, so yesterday did 2 bad things. First I gave into my cravings twice (or 3 times) secondly I didn’t exercise… but here’s the kicker… the scale was still nice this morning!

weight today: 137.2

food accountability:
Breakfast - cereal
Lunch - linguine with meat sauce
dessert - bryers double churn ice cream with marshmellows & pieces of chocolate bark mixed in. *
snack - 2 subway chocolate chip cookies & 1/2 diet 1/2 regular coke
Dinner - small amount of chicken Pad Thai from a local chinese food place
dessert - same ice cream concoction as earlier
3:00 am - 1/2 of a pina colada that I made myself.

I tried hard not splurge TOO bad (hence no blizzards from dairy queen or sonic blasts) but I still ate a lot more (and way too much sugar) than I should have. I will say that I really like the bryer’s double churn ice cream though. It only has 100 calories and 3.5 g fat in a serving….

I know exactly why I ate so bad… my nerves were horrible yesterday. My dad is coming today to help me load a Uhaul truck and tomorrow we are moving me 7+ hours away… I’ll not only be starting med school in a new town but I’m also moving out from living with my SO (he can’t move yet due to school) and we’ll begin a long distance relationship. I’m soooo excited and terrified… that’s why I finally drank a little bit to help me fall asleep.

So I think yesterday might have helped keep my body from going into slow metabolism mode (from when i’m too strict on myself) but I do realize I cannot keep doing things like that or else I will stop loosing weight. With that said I’m now about to head out and run my 2 miles for the 1st of July. (I made a challenge for july so that I will run 62 miles by the end of the month, which averages out to 2 miles a day).

craving

shanjourney — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:31:49 +0000

I had a good day yesterday overall food & exercise wise. I’ll break it down,

breakfast - cereal
lunch - ww tv dinner & ww ice cream bar
dinner - southwest spaghetti squash & sweet potato fries (baked)
exercised - 1.3 miles walking with the dog, then 1.3 miles running on my own
(we finally got a break in temp. here and it was 90 degrees!!!! at 8:00 p.m. woo hoo)
snacks - mashed cauliflower, 7 pieces of tortellini (no sauce, just boiled), and a handful of marshmellows.

The only problem is that I was STARVING by the time i went to bed (midnight) and finally at 4:30 am I got up and ate a bowl of cereal.

Today I am fighting cravings though. I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast but I am moving thursday and I need to finish packing some things today and I need to clean more and I just don’t want to do it. Meanwhile I let my boyfriend borrow my truck so I don’t have a vehicle for a few hours. This is probably a good thing because I wold have gone and gotten a frozen coffee this morning. Right now I reallly want to walk across the street to McDonalds and get a hamburger and fries. (which is odd, because i normally don’t like mcdonald’s at all…) It sounds horrible but i want grease… i want fat and I want salt. I

Realistically I know that I will be eating out more than a few times in the next few days since I won’t have any way to cook while on the road (7 1/2 hr move) and then once I get there everything will be in boxes. I’ll just have to be smart about what I order and most importantly I’ll need to stop eating when I’m not hungry rather than finish it because “it tastes good.” So I need to buckle down and do what I have to do today without bribing myself with food.

*I’m putting on my determined face*

edit: Ok, so I decided to compromise. I didn’t go get fast food, instead I made a non-diet meal. linguine with meat sauce. I used sirloin meat and drained it and then i used a pretty low calorie/low fat spaghetti sauce. No toast, no parmesan cheese, but still yummy.

Unwilling exercise partner

shanjourney — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:23:03 +0000

I decided to go for a walk earlier to get out of the house, try out my new pedometer, and burn some calories. I grabbed the leash and decided to take my puppy Fiona with me. One problem… I live in TX and it is 102 degrees outside right now. (as it was for the past 4 or 5 days). I brought a bottle of water especially for her, but after a few blocks she decided that was it. She did not volunteer to be my exercise partner in this heat. So our walk ended pretty quickly, guess I’ll have to wait until the sun starts to go down.

My Starting Stats

shanjourney — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:33:08 +0000

Ok so in order to track my progress I am including my stats as of noon-ish today. I also took pictures today as well… i may or may not post them…. still trying to decided

Starting Weight - 139 lbs
Bust - 36″
waist (at belly button) - 34″
hips - 41″
thigh - 23″
arm - 12″

Starting Today

shanjourney — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:56:46 +0000

I guess I’ll start off my first entry by explaining the title of my blog. I’m not obese, but I am almost overweight. I’ve also almost been in shape my whole life. People don’t tend to classify me as “fat” but yet I don’t think anyone would call me skinny either. So you see I am tired of being almost thin… almost healthy… almost able to fit into a bikini. I am starting this blog to record my progress in my journey out of the ALMOST overweight world.

I’m 5′2 to 5′3 (depending on which day you ask me). My weight has fluctuated up to 149 lbs at the end of my junior year of college. Then I began powerlifting (the best thing I could have done). My weight decreased to about 140 and I had built up a lot of muscle too. My body composition was better and I was healthier. Since I was doing serious weight training 3 to 4 days a week for 2 to 3 hours each, I was able to eat whatever I wanted without really seeing any effects on the scale.

Happily I graduated with my BS last December, unfortunately this meant I could no longer train or compete with the powerlifting team at my college. At that point I had already been accepted to medical school, so I took a job waitressing at a local restaurant for a few months. During the time I was waitressing I tried to workout, but I probably only went to the gym once a week. I continued to allow myself to eat sweets like crazy since i didn’t notice much on the scale I assumed I was fine….

6 months after graduating I am still the same “weight” on the scale, but with a lot less muscle and a lot more fat.