Shall We Shrink??

So I was doing great yesterday… til I talked to my sister. And she had news about my brother. OH GAWD. My brother is such a fuck up. And I started eating this giant Hershey’s kiss that my 6 year old got and hates. I sliced off a little piece, then sat back down. About a gazillion times. And 700 calories later (and that was WITH a little left over) I was even more upset. I don’t know what to do to fix him. He’s 28, totally an alcoholic though he doesn’t think he is, and he has nothing… no job, no car, no cell phone, even though just a few short months ago he was making nearly $10,000 a month. So he gets these girlfriends, and they are all 21, cause when you are 21 you think it’s cool to drink all the time. And when they want to grow up and settle down? He dumps them. He was married once, and then they got pregnant. And that meant growing up. And he was out. And I have a niece that I hardly ever see and I have so much guilt for the way he just pretends like she’s not there, and I WANT her to know she’s wanted. I don’t want her to grow up and feel like I did. So anyway, he had a girlfriend, and he was with her for about 9 months, and they basically got drunk together all the time. He worked and she stayed home waiting for him (he travels for work and she went with) and then they drank the night away. Well then he got fired (which always happens) and they came home and she wanted to get married. SO he tried to play house for a while, but no good. So, he left. And she thinks he is coming back, because he never cuts them off all the way, but we all know he already has another girlfriend. So my sister called to tell me… his ex just found out she’s pregnant. 8 weeks. And she thinks he has a drinking problem. Funny it wasn’t a problem when you weren’t knocked up and were slamming em back with him. AGHHHHHH So I am in a weird place… I haven’t talked to my brother in about 3 weeks, and I don’t even know how to get a hold of him. And I am reluctant to be a part of this baby’s life. I just don’t know. What I do know is that I am PISSED that I let it get to me in the chocolate form. AGHHHH!

But, I can’t change it. I have to work on today, and making it the best today that I can. I have a 3 mile run to get to, which I have no desire to do whatsoever. I am drinking coffee and watching Pretty in Pink. Cause that is what I do when I am throwing a pity party. And this is so a pity party.

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Well thanks for the well wishes, chickies! I wanted to forget about everything, and deter myself from eating, so I did some Spring cleaning. And cleaning did I do. I tackeld the boys bedrooms today. I now have about 7 bags of trash. Literally. I threw away so much ridiculous stuff. You know, at Christmas I was worried about not getting them enough. I am over that. I am no longer buying presents… we’ll take a trip together and make a memory, that will be the present. They get so much crap from Santa and the rest of the fam that they don’t need anything else! So anyhow, I managed to redo both bedrooms and I am pretty stoked about that. It was well overdue. Hopefully the weather will be nice tomorrow so we can do SOMETHING! I am over being stuck in this house!!

So, I did my run a bit ago, and I hurt my back while moving a ginormous tv, so I was babying my back and it made my run hard. But, I made it and for that I am thankful. I also have eaten well, and I am glad for that, too! I am about to watch The Biggest Loser and have some hummus and crackers… the Special K ones… yummy!

Night!

I am so OVER rain! It never rains here, but lately, OMG, I need a direct line to Noah. OVER it!! So today is technically a rest day, but I am not feeling like resting, so I think I am going to run an easy 3 miles. Or maybe 4. One or the other or somehere in between. Maybe I’ll just do it on the treadmill. I was hoping to take the boys to the track though. Boo!

I ate perfectly yesterday, and it feels good to have that on a day when I was sad, angry, and frustrated… and at myself to boot! That would usually be enough to send my eating into a bad place. But I made it through and I am feeling good about it. I’m ready to tackle today!!

Happy President’s Day, chickies!
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Ok, no run today. I got all OCD and cleaned out the fridge before I went grocery shopping. I meal planned, too. Food has to be planned to make this work. So, I am on top of it. At least I hope. I might still get on the treadmill, we’ll see. I am feeling lazy. I made it through day 2 right within my calories, and that is good enough for me!!

Nightie!

Okay, it’s not that bad, but it feels like it! I forgot to tell you guys that I weighed in the same on Thursday. I am not losing and that is crazy because I am burning a TON of calories on my runs, which means one thing… not journaling isn’t going so great. UGH, I hate that I suck at eating, and I hate that I have to write down every damn thing. But alas, I do. SO I am back to logging. And you know what? I am feeling okay about it. It is just something I am going to have to do. I am going to be aggressive about this. My BFF is going to be here in exactly 4 weeks. 4. So, I am going to say that I am going to lose 5 pounds in this 4 weeks. That is totally doable. And it’s gonna happen. Cause we are going to Vegas, and I am gonna get a hot dress, and I am NOT going to feel like a chunk in it! I won’t allow myself. And I know that if I lose a little weight I will gain a lot of confidence! I WILL do this.

On the running front, I am going out for a 6 miler today. Have I ever run 6 miles? Nope! This should be fun!! I am anxious to go and get it over with, but I decided to let the hubby sleep in, and 2 hours later there he still is… asleep. If he isn’t up by 10 I am sending the kids upstairs. hehe

Happy Sunday, chickies!

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Well, I am happy to say that I ran 6 miles! And I didn’t die! Actually, it was really easy… my breathing was great, my legs were great… all but one thing. I had a stitch that kept coming back no matter what I did. On the right side. wtf is that?! I’m gonna have to research it. I’ve diligently been logging my calories today. Yay for me!

In other news, the basketball party is in 2 hours and I still have to get bags and tissue paper for the gifts. I need to go get in the shower But, I wanted to come say that I am NOT going to eat any cake. No matter what. No cake. That is the goal of the day. Hubby will have dinner ready when we get home… grilled fish, brown rice, and steamed veggies. That is totally good enough. I repeat, no cake!!!

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I am so mad at myself. I wrote down the wrong time of the party. Even though I planned it. Retarded, I know. So the gift and stuff? Not there for the party. And the plates, forks, napkins for the cake? Not there for the party. And the good bags? You guessed it; not there for the party. UGH. I am just so frustrated!! And my baby missed his party. He was so disappointed.

The good news? No cake! ha. My calories are perfect for the day, and that includes the snack that I am about to have when I get off here. I am gonna get in my jammies, stop feeling sorry for myself, eat some hummus, and watch a running movie. Okay, I might still feel a little sorry for myself. UGH.

Night chickies.

I woke up to a scavenger hunt. Yes, I have a dweeboid hubby! Anyhow, I am anti buy stuff on this holiday, so he has to come up with actual thoughtful gifts, and he is GOOD! He made me a clue and attached to the clue were three gift certificates. I think there were 8 clues in all. The one that made me laugh the most… “Clue #7: The next clue is found in the thing that you wanted me to take out of the car so badly. Then thanked me for leaving in so long. Then got angry cause I still hadn’t taken it out.” hahaha That is so me. And it was the DVD players by the way, and I am the one who finally took them out. So I got coupons for giving the boys a bath with no excuses, 3 hours to myself, date nights, and chores done, music for my ipod, and more. He is so sweet. It must have taken him forever to cut all of those out. I got him a fab card, some new matching bath gel, lotion, and a candle, and some lingerie. teehee He gives me a massage almost every night, but it is tradition that I give them only on birthdays, anniversaries, and V-Day. I know, I am such an ass.

So, I am supposed to crosstrain today, but it is raining again. And I have to start getting ready for my date (it’s a lunch date… all he could manage to get a sitter for, but fine by me!) in a little over an hour, so it’s now or never. Maybe I’ll go to the gym really quick. I need to do something. I ate fine yesterday except for the cookies. 160 calorie, delicious, iced cookies. I ate 6 of them over the course of the day. I am so grossed out! Today I am resolving to eat NO sugar. I want to put things in my body that will help with my run tomorrow, and nothing else. I am going to give myself that gift on Valentines Day… a gift of love.

Hope all you chickies are feelin the love today!

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So today didn’t go as planned. I wasn’t too keen on the sitter hubby chose, so we decided not to use him. Boo! But, we went to Michael’s and got a bunch of crap and had a craft day instead. It was fun! I got a new tissue holder and some picture frames outta the deal

In other news, rain is prohibitive of the cross training. I could go to the gym, but yeah, not yet. Maybe I could walk on the treadmill tonight? I’m not sure about that though, because hubbs is gonna want his present. Ha! Anyhow, I logged all my calories today just out of curiosity and low and behold… I am right where I need to be… for the whole day! We have yet to go to the movies (we are having a date with the boys, since they were so cute and pointed out that I was each of their Valentine’s as I am the girl they love most!), not to mention the fact that it isonly 5 o’clock! UGH. Got to get this eating under control. Good news is no sugar. Okay, small consolation, but whatev. Maybe I’ll log my calories loosely, and try not to get all OCD about it. Like that is even possible.

Yeah, we’ll be skipping that movie around here. Scary movies freak me out!

So on the diet front… much better today. Last night mad me mad at myself. Just ri-damn-diculous to eat like that. Although, I am going to probably eat a cookie at the official 1st/2nd grade combo class V-Day Extravaganza! And my husband shot expert on the range (he has never even come close to that! so proud of him!) thanks to another Marine, so we’re taking them out to dinner tonight, but no matter what I choose to eat, my goal is to not OVER eat. I think that is the key. And NO snacking. It is the devil.

And on the marathon training front… rest day! yippee! I have a hot date tomorrow <3 but I’m scheduled to crosstrain for an hour, so I think I’m going to get up early and take the All Star biking with me. It’s been a couple weeks since we have gone because the rain last weekend. Should be a nice hour of fun! Pretty sure I have a 6 mile run Sunday, and that scares the bejezus outta me! I finally made it to 5 and now I’m already moving up. I am ready though. I am so motivated to rock this race that I’d try just about anything. I wish I was this inspired to do regular things… like cleaning. Ha!

Happy Friday, chickies!

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Pretty sure that one cookie turned to 4. My belly hurts. And we have dinner plans so I am gonna try to postpone them, to like, tomorrow! No, but I am gonna hold off for a couple hours so I might actually be hungry before I eat!

I got a nice surprise today… both my boys are STudent of the Month for their respective grades! This is a big deal at their school, and neither of them have ever gotten it before. YAY! And the party was a hit. The kids were so nice I told them I was gonna throw them a huge St. Patty’s Day bash. I am so stoked already!!

I need, wait… I WANT, to run today, but I am all weirded out by my missed run still. Rawr! I hate getting off track! So, I think I am going to go for 4 miles again today. And, the lil man asked if we “could something fun today, like go to the beach or the park or…” (and the list went on cause he is a rambler!) and I am more than happy to oblige him. Okay, so here is a gross story. If you are poop-o-phobic, skip down! So I made these delicious whole wheat and flax meal blueberry muffins. Mmmmm good. Well, when I eat them (and by them I mean one per day or else!) I make sure to drink a full glass of water with them so as to keep things a movin’, since they are full of fiber. Well last night I had one with a banana on the way home from the basketball game, and I drank some water, but not much cause my water bottle was almost empty and in the excitement of the medals and All Star team picks I forgot to fill it up. Okay, all was fine last night but skip forward to this morning. CRAMMMMMP! I was hurting! So that was mostly taken care of this morning after breakfast, but I want to drink some more coffee, then a lot of water before I venture out for a run. Nasty, I know.

As I was pouring my cereal this morning, I noticed my portions are growing again. I got out the measuring cup and low and behold, my 1 cup serving was about 1.2 cups! I dumped the .2 in the trash!! Better there than on my ass. I need to buckle down a bit with the diet. I am slowly letting a few bad habits slip back in and I don’t like it. I’m not focused on weight, but rather health, and I am not doing my body any favors by overstuffing it or feeding it cheez-its or half a star crunch (i never buy that crap and my son had one for the first time as a snack after his first game last night and HATED it, so he gave it to me and you know… the starving children in China and all… of course I ate it. YUM!). The point is, I want to be a runner… I want to glide and to LOOK like a runner. I want to be strong and fueled like a runner. And star crunches? Not so much pushing me towards my goal. I need to remember that.

I finished up the Coaches’ gifts and can I just say… CUTE!

So now I just need to make the cards from the parents. I am SO not a graphic designer, but I think I did pretty good on this!

Okay, that’s all I got. Have a great day, chickies!

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I got a call from a friend and she wanted to do lunch, so I hopped on the treadmill instead of going to the beach to conserve time. I did 3 miles in 33 minutes exactly! Pretty great for the treadmill. The first mile I did at 4.8, the second between 5.2 and 5.5, the first half of the 3rd at 5.8, and the last half mile between 6.0 and 6.2. Yay! The good news? I restrained during lunch. The bad news? The boys got Valentines from their Gramma (cute card, $50 gift card, and a heart full of chocolates… I need a gramma, STAT!), and since they don’t like dark chocolate… and they each had 2 pieces of it… what with the kids in China and all… hahaha I really need to absolve that ole Catholic guilt and get over the wasting food when there are children in need. Seriously though, I HATE wasting food! I feel like such an ass when we do it.

We’re off to Toys R Us to waste, err spend, our gift cards

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I am SO OVER eating at night! Why the heck do I even do that?! UGH. string cheese and cheese nips. Oh, and some peanuts. Cause why? I am a crackhead. Must… stop… eating!

Ok, I am going to let you know… ridiculous bragging is about to ensue. My man made the ALL STAR team!!! Yes, my son. How freaking cool is that?!? And they came in 2nd place in the tourney and got these cool silver medals. But, yeah… All Star! I’m so proud of him. And this is just his first season.

Okay, carry on.

And I forgot to weigh in! ANd now I am eating, again! So yeah, maybe a weigh in Thursday instead?

I have had another busy day and I am just getting home. I only have an hour before I have to get the boys from school, and I am seriously considering the possibility of a nap after that. We have 2 games tonight and I am going to be hard pressed to stay awake for the drive home as is now. Yes, a nap for sure!

Or maybe I should work out. I said I was gonna rest today, but maybe a walk or something? Hmmmm… we’ll see.

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And we have a verdict: Lifetime Movie trumps working out. I know, it’s like a bad movie… you want good to triumph over evil, but not today. Now if I just had some damn junk food to go with it… Damn me and my self control at the commisary!

All the boys are asleep in preparation of a 2+ hour extension of their bedtime due to basketball tournament tonight. Seriously, this house is quiet. I heart today!!!

I have been running around busy all morning! I finished the graphics for the coaches autograph pages and went to Kinko’s to print it on super glossy, nice paper. Then I got some silver sharpies for the autographs. Love it! I was going to go to Michael’s to get the frames, but they weren’t open yet so lil man and I had a nice latte break We got a great deal on some nice silver frames at Michael’s, and I found some cute lil presents for my BFF. She is having a bad day today, so I mailed her a package. Hopefully that will cheer her up. Since I had to go to the post office, I actually mailed my nieces their V-Day presents! Maybe they’ll actually get something on time for once! I am so bad at that.

So running wise, the goal is to go for a run after the hubby gets home (he’s getting home a bit early, which means he can nap before class tonight! poor thing). I’m not sure what I am going to go for… maybe 4 miles again? I hate that I screwed up my training by skipping my push run on Sunday. Okay, I just looked at the training plan and I have decided to try for 5 miles today. Oh boy, what am I in for?! I hope I have time for that, since I’ll be responsible for picking the boys up from school. I better map a route around the school just to be sure I make it in time. It took me almost a whole hour to do the 5 miles last time…

Alright chickies, I hope you have a fabulous day!!

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I started on my run late, so I had to cut it short to pick up the boys, in my sweaty running clothes. Buahahahaha But, I got in 3.68 miles, and that is better than nothing, right?! I am loving running right now. I feel so strong and so exhilerated when I run. LOVE it! So, I asked my 6 year old’s teacher if they were having a V-Day party, and they aren’t! So, guess who volunteered to throw one? ME! WHy do I do this?! Because I am a Mama, of course, and my lil man deserves to get some ridiculous cupcakes and some crappy valentines that I will save for 20 years so he can throw them away! ha! Really, I am just thankful that I have the time and the means to do things like this. Some people don’t and I need to be more cognizant of the fact that I really am a lucky girl. We take so many things for granted, and with the way this economy is heading, I think now is a good time to reflect on those things. So there’s my 2 cents!

I am currently addicted to baked potatoes and cottage cheese. Seriously. I ate the last baked potato today, and I am gonna have to go to the store and get one for tomorrow! Love em!

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The boys are in bed (THANK GOD!), the hubby is in class, and I am bored. This never happens! I’m sure there is something (or a whole lotta somethings) I could be doing, but I don’t wanna! I ate popcorn tonight, even though I wanted something sweet, so I put cinnamon on it. Meh, not the greatest. I think I have been too lax on the water, so I have been pounding it tonight. Yep, that’s it. I am SO boring!

I am overwhelmed! So my mother in law is coming for a visit in a few weeks, followed by my BFF, followed by my Grandma… all within 5 weeks! I have so much going on, and so much planning to do. And on top of that, I am designing the coach’s presents for basketball and organizing the party. I am so over being the team parent… like SO over. And I have yet to work out today. And even worse than that, I don’t really want to! It is raining again today, so I would be stuck on the treadmill. And I’m not sure what to run today… do I do yesterday’s run? Or skip it and keep going? Ugh.

I have this weird knot on my neck. I told the hubby and he told me to webMD it, then said not to because I would probably think I was dying of a kidney infection or something because every time I web MD something I get ALL sorts of ideas (some of which are SO not plausible) of what could be ailing me! ha! I am gonna blame my bad mood and lack of mojo on my knot.

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Alright, I put on my big girl panties and I’m all better now! I read some blogs and noticed the running machine that is tiny2be ran 4 miles on the treadmill today, and though I have never run more than 3 miles (and barely that) on the treadmill, I thought I’d try it. So thanks tiny2be And do you know what happened? I did it! I ran 4 miles and it wasn’t that bad. A little boring at times, but not bad. I think I made it over my distance on the treadmill roadblock. yay!

I’m off to eat some lunch now. It’s late and I’m famished!! Baked otato topped with cottage cheese… so good!