* Day 1 *

DAY ONE : 870 Calories, Less then 10 Carbs … 2 Hours of kick-ass yard work (Exercise)  .. I do need to eat more but today’s activities were busy.

I am so glad that day 1 is over. It went great. I am just tired man. I woke up positive and maintained my day :)

If I desired something bad and forbidden - - - I would think about how badly I wanted hip bones, a waist and smaller sized clothes ! That seem to do it.  I really didn’t have a bad day. Just kept busy. I am low carbing, water guzzling and DOING THIS.

I am going to weigh in on Mondays. I took measurements of my waist today : 52.5″ and hips : 61″ … I can not wait for these measurements to go down !!

I pulled my goal outfit out today … I got excited :)   

Signing out for tonight !

Sabrina :)

Soul Searching On Sunday

As I sit here, there are many things to consider. I have so much in the way. My mind has no clarity and I don’t function well when I feel this way. I have been low-carbing for 2 weeks now. I was losing and now the self sabotage is upon me. I know the drill … to make myself feel better I will start by sneaking a bite here and there of something forbidden. And then it will be bowls of cereal or something fried. And then it will turn into full blown binge eating.

What am I talking about here ? Let me be perfectly honest with ME. I have already started doing this ! As of yesterday. That’s the real issue. Being honest with myself. I have so much inside, seeping into my brain and heart. I don’t know what to do with it. Except eat. Eating use to give me a sense of fufillment. It would make me happy. And now ? It still leaves me feeling numb and rotton. Grossed out, with stomach issues. I have done this a thousand times … soul searching. Getting motivated. Writing down facts so I can see it first hand and know why I have to work at losing weight. As I sit here, I am fighting off falling asleep from being bored, loading up from carbs, not sleeping well and stress.

About me. My name is Sabrina. I am 31. I am a stay at home Mommy to 3 wonderful beautiful Children. They are my life and light in this world. They are my heart and the only ones to truely make me smile and feel happiness. My oldest is 9 (DJ) and my Middle is 5 (Sheridan). My baby girl is 11 months old (Tiffany). I will have been married 10 years this October to my one and only. Marriage .. a never ending learning process! It’s def’ly a work in progress, but we are both awesome Parents. We do put the kids first and us last but it’s all for them anyway.

Weight : I have been thick, heavy and overweight since early teenage years. 13 or 14 from what I recall. And from there the battle began. I have been dieting, switching lifestyles, trying to loose weight for 15 years! That’s half of my life. OMG. That’s ridiculous. So here I sit, on a Sunday rainy afternoon soul searching. I love to read success stories and look at before and after pics of women who have lost alot of weight. I love seeing the transformations of the before (Overweight!) and then the new smaller bodies! It gives me hope that one day I will too be smaller.

I do know this. I am a tired failure. FAILURE. What a word. I know that I need to be healthy and have energy for my babies. I need to feel great about myself and learn to live. I need to just do this instead of self sabotaging everytime I get upset or moody. It seems hopeless. I feel exhausted. I know that it’s not. But I need to change my frame of mind. I stay in a state of depression outside of my kids. I have always suffered from it. Usually I have a better grip on it then this but this whole week has been crap.

So I will keep searching this wonderful site (3FC) that I am so grateful to have found !! Sitting here last night and coming across this site and reading stories and research .. well it was a breath of fresh air. And tomorrow I will embark on a new journey. I am starting off at 296 pounds !! And my goal is to loose over 100 and get to a healthy BMI. I am an example to my Kiddos .. and I need to do this once and for all. For Me. For them.

I feel so much better now just getting a little bit out :)