been away for awhile

I apologize for my absence the last few months, I just sort of fell off the wagon and couldn’t find my way back on again… until now that is. The winter is finally over and I managed to gain about 12 pounds back, so with that being said I have been feeling awful about my body image and my health. Now that spring is here the weather has warmed up huge amounts and that in itself is a motivator for me, the past week I have been starting up again with eating smaller portions and going for walks, it’ll take some time to get used to getting back on track but after I do my diet will be easy as pie. It’s actually funny how once you get set in a routine whether it’s overeating or doing well on your diet that things just become second nature for you… you find that eating only 3 healthy meals a day and drinking plenty of water isn’t hard at all anymore, you also find that your cravings aren’t at all what they used to be, you forget about soda and sweets and begin to enjoy food with less salt in it. I mean we all have those days where our cravings kick in, but it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it did in the past, and those are the days that you can treat yourself to something a little naughty, like eating some delicious pizza ( my favorite food) or going out for ice cream. Anyway I now weigh about 173 or so and am looking forward to going on my walk later on today :) also one thing to remember is when your starting up exercising again, like maybe you used to be able to run 2 straight miles but now running even a block seems difficult, all you need to remember is to start again slow. Go for a walk around the block and the next day make it two blocks, so on so forth, after a couple of weeks or maybe even just a few days start to expand your walks with adding a little bit of running. Then build on your running strength, just go a bit further than the day before and you will see that your legs are working like a charm and over some time you will be right back to running 2 straight miles or even more!

alright, im off to go make a salad :)

adioss <3

pishposh.

165?!?!?!?!?! this new years is starting out great! :) I haven’t had much time lately to exercise plus with the nasty weather that’s been floating around it’s been nearly impossible to go outside, but I’ve been continuously tracking my meals and lifting weights. My job has somewhat been taking over lately as well, i’m finding it to be really tiring.. only because it’s boring. I’m about to head out and go for a walk since the weather isn’t half bad this evening and I could definitely use some time alone to think.

P.S. I’m officially seeing my ex again :) & it’s actually going really good

<3333

burdens and breakthroughs

Things have been extremely rough lately, all this snow and ice make it really hard to go for a jog plus the cold is what really gets me. When living in Wisconsin you learn to deal with the winters being extremely harsh, sometimes it’s hard to just walk out the door because of the temperature, you know? I weighed myself today and am now at 168 lb’s, not bad, actually a lot better than I intended considering I gained back about 3 pounds or so. I’ve been working lately at a restaurant that serves delicious Mexican food, which also means I am trying to resist the urges to eat everything on the menu. I find it really difficult sometimes to just say no, like my taste buds are always on a rampage and I get so many cravings.

My New Year’s was excellent by the way! went to the city and hung out with my gang, we managed to find ourselves at an ICP party at around 10 pm but we definitely weren’t feeling it. Then we left and got back to my bud’s apartment before midnight and just celebrated there, drank champagne, played cards and watched some football. it was actually a great night :))

Anyway, lately I have been talking to my ex again, we’ve been broken up for 3 months and now I feel like we’re reconnecting with one another. I guess I’ll be seeing him later on this week, maybe just to talk for awhile, see if we still have feelings for each other. I think about him a lot, even after we had broken up things didn’t just dissolve over time. He still manages to cross my thoughts constantly and he told me something similar about the way he feels about me. In a a huge way I am nervous to see him again but also looking forward to it, I feel like maybe we can rebuild what we had and make it into something even better.

Not a creature was stirring, not even A mouse.

Ok, do you ever wake up feeling fatter than ever? Like all of the sudden you just had 80 pounds dropped on you? Well that was what I felt like today, I felt gross about myself and unhappy with my measurements. It’s like you’re not supposed to let a scale or a number fucking control you, you should never, but I did and I do. It’s unproductive and exhausting but I can’t seem to change my mind set this Christmas Eve, I feel so distraught and unfulfilled with my body right now. It truly is ridiculous to let these thoughts/feelings/emotions, whatever they are control me and control my life.

and you wanna know what’s really funny? the scale says I weighed less than I did yesterday, isn’t that a kicker? fuck. I don’t understand my mental state, and I wish I could just stop storing all this negative energy in me and instead let a positive mind set take over. I’m working on it, I really am.

fa la la la la la la la la

Christmas is only a few short days away!!! it’s very exciting and also very bitter for me, only because my sister Rachel passed away Christmas night 2007 and that is something you can never forget. Overall I am still looking forward to it, it’s a sort of memorial as well as a huge huge holiday, I just can’t wait to see my brothers and my nephews. Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to mention “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.” hahah I am actually surprised people bought hatches underground for thousands and thousands of dollars for today. People can be very strange and that is all I have to say about that.

So this week I did get weighed and it is OFFICIAL! I now weigh 170 lb’s!

wuddup wuddup. very excited about my new loss, and feeling much more confident these past couple of weeks. In December thus far I’ve lost 10 whole pounds and it’s not even quite over yet, how about them apples? w00hoo.

<3333 Merry Christmas

sleepz.

Just got home about an hour ago from out of town, it was an amazing weekend, spent it with all my good friends and lots of bar time. Now that I’m home and back in the “real world” again I am soo exhausted, about to go and sleep. Definitely going to get back into the spirit of things tomorrow, i’ll go for a jog and make some better eating choices, at least better than I did when I was out and about constantly. It’s good to be home though, but already missing my best friends :/ hay ho, i’ll b back for new years! :DD

Night.

Showing off my new curves. (pictures)

hayyy kittens! alrighty so this week has been quite the success, I’ve dropped maybe 2 or 3 pounds and been working my ASS off trying to get back in shape. The past 4 nights in a row I’ve found myself doing a 1.5 mile jog and walking about 4-5 miles as well, not to mention working out my abdominal region and my arms. Each day eating about somewhere between 1,000 to 1,400 calories and drinking huge quantities of water which help keep my stomach feeling really full. Now lately I’ve noticed some loose skin which I am not so fond of but hay, what you gonna do? Except rub some cocoa butter on that! Oooo, I need some collagen cream, but I’ve found out it’s mighty expensive, so I’ll have to wait awhile, or maybe just put it on my christmas list. haha.

You’re hired

!!! I got the job !!! it’s fast food but nonetheless I finally am employed again :) and for now that’s enough to make me all sorts of happy! Now I can finally start paying off some old debts and also look for a place of my own so things are looking up.

I think I’ll celebrate by having a couple drinks tonight, well deserved drinks. haha loveeeee it.

Weigh in tuesday

Ok, I clearly forgot to write yesterday my new weight for this week, geeze I’m getting real good at updating my weight on Tuesday’s instead of Monday’s. haha oh well. Anyway I lost about 2 pounds this week! i’m at 173 :)) that’s freaggin awesome in my opinion and it’s a total motivation/confidence booster! I’m feeling really good because I have been sticking with it and haven’t slipped up in three days, I mean for some people that may not be a lot but for me it’s a huge step.

I can’t believe how fast Christmas is coming up this year, I haven’t even put up my lights yet, now that’s a tragedy. Also today I have an interview which I am looking extremely forward to! I need a job right now so bad, for one the $$ but also just getting out of the house and meeting new people because after living here two months I still don’t know anyone in this town and it’s completely boring. We’ll see, We’ll see!

Rain rain go away, where was the snow today?

Today was a great success! Even though yesterday I did sort of terrible on my diet, I ate a lot of chocolate and had an entire bag of life saver gummies. It wasn’t a pretty picture I’ll tell you that, yes it happens, we all have those days where we find ourselves craving major sweets right?! Anyway after that catastrophe today I started anew and feel better than ever! I woke up around 11am and skipped breakfast, then for lunch I had some baby carrots and a pita sandwich that had tomatoes, turkey, hummus, sharp cheddar cheese and onions in it. At about 3pm I decided even though it was rainy and wet to go for a walk, I decided to make myself walk for an hour and then I’d come home, well I walked for an hour and a half instead! My mile meter on my phone calculated that I walked almost 4 miles so that was pretty exciting :) Once I got home dinner was already cooked, it was some shrimp with rice and diced tomatoes, SOOOO good, but I made sure to just eat one portion of it. Also I had an apple after dinner to deal with my sweet craving then went out again to go for a jog, well I ended up running 2 miles straight! All in all I went 6 miles today, more like 6.5 but who’s counting right? ;) Anyway I am feeling super proud of myself and decided I’d share my accomplishments with you.

Also making sure to drink plenty of water, almost a gallon a day which keeps me hydrated and also just flushes out my system. W000 I can’t wait for my weigh in tomorrow!