Thursday
Most of the immediate shock of my nephew’s death has been absorbed, and my sister seems is as well as can be expected, as are as my two nieces. Although I hadn’t spent much time with him in his adult life, I do sense a new, empty space in the world - and in my head, or heart or soul or whatever you want to call it.
The Pristiq that I’ve been taking seems to be working, but I wouldn’t say it changes things that much. How do you know if it’s working, I often wonder? I’m still feel very flat. Blah….not interested in TV (well actually, that’s been so for a long time, maybe it’s not me, it’s the TV!), not that interested in reading. Can’t say I feel like cooking, but I still do. Shopping, no. Intimacy? Okaa-ay….more for you than for me….Maybe this is normal? Maybe these meds just enable you to still feel blah, but you get up, you go to work, you do the chores, whereas before, you didn’t get up, or at least you were sorely tempted to stay in bed all day.
I am putting one foot in front of the other, and getting through my days. I have abandoned Weight Watchers for now. I seem to do better with having a small breakfast – my beloved tea and toast with peanut butter or Marmite or Bovril if I can get it. I share with my boss a big tuna salad on a whole grain roll with balsamic dressing on the tuna salad (my addition), and lettuce and tomato. That usually comes with two pickles. Snacks can include fruit: banana apple, yoghurt and occasionally some almonds. Lots of water. Dinner. It’s best if I just avoid it altogether. Since I can’t do that very often, I am extremely tight with myself – very very small portions. I’m still walking or going to the gym 4 days a week. My scale this morning said 187.5. I have to be weighed tonight at a doctor’s appt. and I bet it will still be over 190. It’s amazing how potent those decade numbers are. If it’s not over 190, I’ll be elated. If it is, I’ll just tell myself that it’s only a number!
Our eldest is coming home this week-end, bringing two girlfriends, or maybe three, and possibly a puppy. She has been leaving me messages (instructions) for a couple of days…chief among them is a request to bake crunchies (granola bars that are not all that healthy), and rusks (dried dipping biscuits, kind of like Italian biscotti, but, like the Dutch, bigger, blander and heavier). I will do this tonight. One batch of rusks takes 9 cups of flour – makes about 80. Sounds like a lot, but trust me, they’re gone in two days. I was thinking of making three batches, but I don’t think my kitchen is big enough. My enthusiasm for this project is not high, but like many things, once you start, it’s usually okay. I will say this…I am looking forward to seeing my sweet girl. All my girls are sweet - and sometimes not - but mostly sweet.
Oh Rubes… I am so sorry for your family’s loss… I just stopped in to check on you and bam…I am so sorry… I have been really busy, I have been getting more dogwalking assignments…which is great and I am getting a lot of exercise but my weight is still stuck…I think it is simply my calories. I am still working the Radiant Recovery program for sugar sensitivity but I need to find a balance that will allow me to drop weight… I have been seeing adds for the anti-d you are on, I really hope it helps. I was on “P” for a little over a year and it was just the help that I needed when I needed it. Feel better Girlie…big hugs…
Hope you’re havin a great time with your baby girl
Glad to hear the P is keeping you afloat although not particularly thrilled - but you are right - wanting to get up is a big step from pulling your blankets over your head. Small steps no?
Hope by now your home is smelling of rusks and hot tea
Take Care Ms. Rubyjean
xo
Hey ya Ms. RJ -
How are you doing? I’m thinking of you
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Hi Ruby,
I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your nephew.
Hope you enjoyed the weekend with your daughter.
Lots of love and a big hug,
iniya
Ruby
You doing okay??? have not seen you in a while. I hope you are doing well.
Take care
Joy
Just another one checking in on you - how was the cooking and the visit?
Hugs
hey ya ms. darlin
xo
Just wanted to say hello
Sending you virtual hugs (((
)))
Hey Ruby
how hard it must be for all of your family. I think I know how you feel about your girls. I love Poss so much but sometimes she just drives me nuts, but she’s good and kind and happy and got all the right survival traits and none of the self-destructive urges that you sometimes see in a 20 year old and I love her so much but sometimes it all gets nutzo here.
Hope the baking all goes well.
Hi ya Ms. RJ -
Just a hug and a smile to tell you that you are sorely missed
xoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxo