Now here’s a funny thing…despite knowing what to do, I’m still making bad choices. Ain’t that original! Not bad choices all the time, but often enough to negate the exercise that I’ve been doing.

I do not like to wake up angry, yet this is how I’ve been waking for more than a few weeks now. The anger is probably just frustration with myself.

Tonight I’m sitting here with a big glass of water. I came in from work famished, and grabbed a chicken salad sandwich on that 6g Arnold round bread. The chicken salad was brought to our house on Saturday night by Jess’s friends - their contribution to a braai. Odd choice if you think about it. On the other hand, it’s something I’ve eaten but never bought, and it’s pretty good. I didn’t even look at the calories, but if WW says that 1/2 prepared tuna salad with mayonnaise is 9 points, this is probably more. OY.

I think my next choice tonight will be an orange. I’m like a person quitting smoking who has to take things down to 10 minutes at a time.

I’m not really worrying too much to count points, having come full circle again - realizing (spelled that with a z, it looks funny) I have to stick to healthful foods in modest portions which is what I’ve always known would be the only thing that really works. If I’m feeling good about life and myself and happy, this is easy. If I’m stressed and sad, somehow, everything gets out of whack.

Today, not more than a few hours ago, I felt a surge of what I can only describe as a positive feeling. I know exactly where I was as the feeling spread… at the set of stop lights just outside the office complex where I work at 7:54 this morning. There is a wooded area to the left, sadly, soon to be developed into another office complex, and a golf course to the right. I was noticing the reddish haze of buds on the trees. The sun was shining, the light was in my favour, and I suddenly thought, “I can do this”.

I know exactly what to do. I always do. I always have. D’you know, I’ve been telling my girls for years that I’m a genius! “Your mother is a genius!” It’s an old joke. They always laugh…..somewhat nervously.

I’m exercising regularly these days, which is a real miracle. I’m eating fairly healthily. I’m trying to face that fear of mine - but that’s going slowly. As far as my fear of money goes, I’ve come to realise that I can only do one thing at a time. Yes, I have allowed myself to be a big bloody baby. Essentially, though, I am fully equipped with the smarts, the ability, the facts and the figures to live life to the fullest. Time to Pull Finger and just do it. Just Do It. (Hope Nike didn’t patent that phrase).

So, starting today, I’m doing it.

Will let you know how this goes.