Accountability….hmmmmmm
I’ve just come in from a busy Saturyday morning, it’s now 12:43, and I thought I’d pop down here and try and inspire myself. I went to the chiropractor, Weight Watchers and had an early lunch with my friend Jacqui. Jacqui had to have her very much beloved cat, Holly, euthanised on Thursday. Holly was 12, I think, and had been living quite successfully with a kidney problem for the last couple of years, but it flared up and she became very ill last week. Jacqui, needless to say, was devastated. Having just gone through this ourselves with Shelby in September, I understand how much this is hurting. Oddly enough, although Jacqui wasn’t intending to give another cat a home right away, somehow she received an email about a little 6 month old cat named Hope, in a local shelter. She went to see Hope this morning, and of course, you know the end result. Jacqui will be fetching her this afternoon. After our lunch we went to look for a scratching post.
And that brings me to now. I’m kind of tired, but I think I’m going to go upstairs and bake some rusks, which Neil and the girls enjoy having with their coffee in the morning. I bought gray paint for my upstairs bathroom, and was planning to do that sometime this week end too. Doesn’t gray sound awful? The owners of the house we rent recently redid the tiles in that bathroom because behind the old 1950’s pink tiles, the sheetrock was rotting and a leak had sprung. I know people who rent houses don’t want to spend alot, and the couple that own this house are actually very nice people - BUT - they picked the cheapest white tile and hired a handyman who is not a tiler to do the task. Not only did he do a sloppy job, he used gray grout! It looks absolutely awful. Now, mind you, the house was built in 1960, and that bathroom still has the original fixtures. The floor tile is a Pepto Bismol pink, and the bathtub, toilet and sink are a salmon pink. The counter top around the sink is also pink, that ancient formica with a gold fleck. It is u-u-u-gly. If you’re going for that retro look, you could maybe work with it - you’d have a room with um…personality, which is what we had before. But that stark white tile has made it rather difficult to work the retro angle. So. I thought, if I paint the ramaining walls a soft gray to sort of match the grout, and buy a white cotten shower curtain with scalloped edges - what’s that called when there’s stiching around the scalloping, and some stictching around little holes just above? - oh yeah, Battenburg lace. White curtains, white towels and white ceramic soap dish etc… it might just look okay. Oh, and white mats. I’m kind of ignoring the whole pink, Pepto Bismol thing. Anyway, anything is better than how it looks now. So, that’s one spring project.
We have not had people over since Jacqui came on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. I have been struggling with this blasted depression. I don’t even tell Neil or my mom or anyone anymore because I feel like a broken record, a boring, weak willed whiner! Trust me, nobody wants to hear about this, not even me. I’ve been dragging it around like an invisible ball and chain. I tried going back on medication, but it never really helps. There is a link between my attitude and my weight. That’s for damn sure. Hopefully all these spring projects I have in mind will get the house looking nice and I’ll feel happier about having people over.
Like I said a couple of days ago, if I go through the motions (and I have been trying, all this time, but obviously not enough), eventually I’m hoping that the activity - or the results of my activity - will make me feel better.
So, I’m off to bake and paint.
I haven’t been to Weight Watchers, by the way, since November. The meetings are always good. The woman who leads is absolutely marvellous. She speaks so well and is so intelligent. I take a lot away from these meetings. What did she say that struck me today???? Oh yes, it’s amazing what we get up to when there’s no personal accountability. She was encouraging us to use our food trackers. From that, I take away more than just an exhortation to track what I am eating. Something pricked at the edge of my conciousness when she said that, and I know I need to have a good long think about personal accountability, and what it means to me and how it plays out in my life. Hmmmmmmmmm.
I’ll get back to you on that one.
She lost a life, but she saved another… how lovely is that? I’m all for it. Losing a pet, as we all know is devastating - but if you find yourself in a space to open your heart to another creature - it’s a beautiful thing.
I have to say that your additions to the bathroom sound wonderful. I like that you’re making the gray a part of the decor and white sounds crisp and clean. You’ve got an eye! Even despite that those crazy retro colours.
So happy you’re getting in the swing of things again Ms. RJ. It’s distressing that the meds aren’t working, sometimes they can help a bit but it takes a while to get them moving in the system. I think though that you’ve narrowed down the source of most of the discomfort and you’re working to make your body a place that you enjoy living in.
I’ve been acutely aware of my jowls, jelly jiggle and wonder when I’ll REALLY get it together myself….
Here’s to taking it one step at a time and getting pleasure from the small things - like baking rusks because you know your family likes it.
That’s love and you know it flows back….
Bring on the flood!
xoxoxoxox
Hang in there, Rubes! You know it’s gonna get better.
Been there with that ugly bathroom routine. My house is 60 years old. We did various “fixes” over the years. Chipped out the old pink and black octagon tiles (that one had every joint in my body screaming for three months!) and installed new ones. Replaced the pink toilet and the pink sink. Couldn’t get away from that ugly butt tub, though. I stared at that thing and tried to figure out how to make it look decent for years! Finally decided to bite the bullet last year and completely gutted the bathroom. Installed a beautiful white, extra deep tub, white toilet, white sink, and gorgeous new marble tile on all the walls and floor. It was sooo worth the wait!
Hang on there! Things will get better.
I feel the depression might be due to the other physical problems you are having. Once they get resolved, you will anyway feel happier. You are working so much on that. You will get it.
Love,
iniya
You started me on a trip down memory land…’ugly rentals I have lived in’…the best was not one of mine, though, but a friend whose master bath was purple. Purple fixtures, purple walls, purple SHAG RUG…and not a soft, lavender but a definite purple. It was a mandatory stop on the house tour.
I found that St Johns Wort helped when other things didn’t. My doc was sceptical but I tried it anyway, and after about 2 weeks things started to lighten.
Honey, just keep reminding yourself it is just something that is happening to you, it is not coming from inside you, and that eventually it will ease. Hugs hugs hugs
I have attributed my own miserable and lethargic state of mind to this awful,long and heavy winter. Your plan for the bathroom sounds perfect, though - light and airy, and to heck with the pink! I once suffered through several years with that old retro tile in a shade of blue that clearly was discontinued before the damned flood, and I couldn’t find anything that would either match OR coordinate with it. That bathroom caused me ongoing discomfort because I’m a tad on the obsessive side about my surroundings. Things that strike a sour note tend to gnaw at me like a toothache until I find a solution. I’m glad your friend opted to rescue a new kitty after losing her old one. She’ll love it immediately and therefore will brighten her own life whilst saving another.
Spring aproaches, dear Ruby J, and we’ll all feel better once the flowers start to bloom.
Love,
Z
Spring is just around the corner Ruby so hang in there.
You have had a lot of changes in your life lately as well as a lot of stress: you lost your beloved Shelby, one of your chicks left the nest, problems with your mom when she went on her trip to SA, and then the job fears hanging over your hand.
No wonder you are fighting off the black waves of depression.
Be kind to yourself my friend…you are loved
xoxoxox
Maybe you suffer from S.A.D. Have you talked to your doctor about that? It is common in the winter. It does get hard dealing with winter. Of course change is always hard and brings on additional stress. I love what you have done with your bathroom. It’s too bad the owners don’t want to invest in their investment. Who in the heck will ever want to buy a house with a crappy tile job? Cheap is not the best. But I do love the look of crisp white.
When my beloved Spiderman passed I was so heartbroken. I cried for days because I missed him so much. I had him 15 years and life without him was too quiet. Hubby went out and got me a new kitty to love. We rescued her and she has been a blessing. I am glad your friend found a new kitty and while it can’t replace the one she lost, it is wonderful that a kitty was saved.
Big hugs to you. Close your eyes and feel them.