When You Just Smile…
Been awhile, hasn’t it? Since my last enthusiastic post about getting back on track, I think I have done just the opposite. Funny how that always happens, aye? Well, at least with me. The minute I utter those words…. ”getting back on track”, “pulling my socks up”, “pulling myself together”, the top of the slippery slope appears, and I start to slide right down. Actually, I haven’t totally lost track, it’s not not that bad. I’ve just been dangling over edge of that high railway bridge, holding on for the last three months, trying not to completely lose my grip.
My weight has climbed back up to 191. At least that’s what I was at my last weigh in on February 2nd. In recent photographs, it seems like the extra weight has made its way to my face. For a vain woman, (yes, me) that’s a killer.
I’m still exercising at least 4 out of 7 days a week, though. I’ve gone from marching around the building where I work, and up and down the stairs, to joining the gym in the building. I do about 30 minutes on the elliptical most days, then 10 minutes in the sauna and a quick shower and back to my desk. I recently went to two of their Pilates classes, and boy, that’s a workout for me. Yesterday it was mild outside, and I took a brisk walk around the campus, and up and down the stairs - up to the fourth floor. I thought the elliptical work would have made me have more stamina, but I felt very tired and winded. The tiredness could be related to having about a two month long visit from …. what’s that old expression? Auntie Rose? And she’s a heavy visitor, too! Sorry, I grew up in a time where it was uncomfortable to be straight about some things, especially public, and if this isn’t public, don’t ask me what is. That should all be sorted out soon. I’ve been to have it all checked, and there are solutions. Barring any unforseen results of tests, I can have something called a cryoablation, which will put a stop to, or greatly diminish, any further visits from said unwelcome Auntie. Maybe from the exercise, though, a postive thing is that my blood pressure has been stable, at 120/80 for a good long while now, without taking any medication.
Food wise, not doing wonderfully. I’m starving ALL the time! But then, I seem to permanently have the symptoms of PMS, and I suspect there is a connection.
Anyway…my goals with regard to food haven’t wavered. I still try to get in the 5 servings of fruit and veg, 4 carbs, 2 proteins and lots of water each day. I can’t abide bad food, junk food or fast food or fake food or not enough food. The idea of utilizing products like those Weight Watcher meals or Jenny Craig or some Nutri-whatsits does not appeal to me. I chose life! (It does occur to me that along with that choice, I may have to make peace with not being that thin.) Ellabella advised me that we need to make peace with our looks, and if you feel beautiful at a weight that’s not what the media endorses, then so be it. I can live with that.
The last months have been sad ones, and I’m hoping that this will change. I know that this is up to me. I can wallow, or I can get up off my tarrara and do something. Here are the “some” things that I am planning: Today I signed up for a three day class in pie making at the local community school (not exactly diet friendly, aye?). I’m still tryingt to knit and I want to crochet, also. I am planning to clear out all of the extra “stuff” from our home and make it look peaceful, inviting and still elegant. I want to go through all my clothing with a discerning friend (anyone wanna come and visit?) and piece together pretty outfits and throw out or donate the rest. I want to fix my hair colour (again!) it’s too light. I’ve decided to make a recipe book for my daughters using photographs (from family celebrations) and handed down recipes, which I will type out. Snapfish.com has a software product you can use to make a real book. I suppose there are others out there, too. Oh the possibilities! Caroline made one for my mum for Christmas, and it is stunning, and gave my mum such a lot of pleasure. I’m writing, but only snippets, by hand, in a diary that I keep by the side of the bed. My taking a writing class idea is still there, but I never did actually sign up for anything. I started a book club. Did I mention this before? We read Gilead as our first book. Poor choice for the two women who are in the book club with me. My friend J. prefers lighter fiction, and does not relate well to religious themes. Her friend Mary, well, we’ll see what she says. The best part will be when we get together and have our wine (I’m thinking a delicious Marlborough/New Zealand sauvignon blanc that I like) and (hopefully) J.’s homemade garlic and fresh lemon hummus and pita and some nice vegetables and dip.
I want to, I’m trying to, remember how it feels to love life. Right now I’m just going through the motions and mouthing the words, but I do beleive that even pretending can lead to a change in attitude. This is the most insidious kind of pop pschology, I’m sure, but….apparently, even lifting the corners of your mouth into a smile causes “happy” chemicals to be secreted somewhere in your brain. Eventually, your mood catches up.
I am so glad to see you back . That pie making class sounds like fun. You take care and have a great weekend.
Joy
I can’t tell you, how incredibly and unbelievably relieved and happy I am, to hear back from you. I missed you so much. I was worried.
I agree. For me too, big words about a new plan somehow makes me go to the other direction. My current thoughts on this is that I get anxious when I say I need to pull my socks up now. Instead now I am planning to just be generally happy and relaxed and be confident about my good intentions and I will find the way slowly and comfortably. Nothing will change in a day. Not sure I would want it to change that much either.
The book idea is awesome. Caroline is so nice. I am sure you must be really really proud of her. I am storing it in my mind too. I also may do something about it. Maybe I should gather the photos taken in our last family weekend trip and weave a story around it.
Ruby, I know you can be very happy. You have the capacity to have joy in so many ways. You can generate happiness and joy. I have started to love myself and not worrying so much about my weak points and it is working well for me, as of now. Well, it helps that right now I have no problems in my life. So what I can do, you definitely can do 50 times better. Sending you many good, calm and happy thoughts. The cloud in front of my window will carry them to you in America. Meanwhile I know you will have much happiness of your own.
Lots of love,
iniya
PS did I sound pompous?
Hi ruby - So glad you’re back. Sorry it’s been a rough couple of months. Hang in there, spring is coming. The bookclub sounds like fun..have a glass of wine for me. I’m pretty much holed up here until my broken kneecap heals. For some reason, I’m losing weight, though…can’t get up and eat as much I guess.
Lyn
Wow, so good to hear from you again Rubes…I missed you.
I love your book idea. I made one for the son and DIL . It was all about my grand daughter and her family and her first year. It was beautiful and in hard cover and so much fun to make.
I did it thru shutterfly.com.
Sorry you have been fighting the blues again. Hang in girl, spring is almost here.
I, too, am needing spring quite desperately hereabouts. This winter seems to have been especially tough for a lot of us this time around. SO very good to hear from you again, Miss Ruby Jean. Don’t be a stranger now, you hear?
Hugs,
Z
Oh my goodness…
You NEVER know what the day might bring.
I can’t tell ya how warm my heart is to see you back here again.
Damn girl, c’mon in - sit in front of the fire in that plush plum chenille lounger, kick your boots off and let me pour you a glass of NZ sauvignon blanc.
So happy you came in out of the rain.
Welcome back friend - I’ve missed you lots. Sounds like you’re back on track and amongst some of your dearest friends here in cyberspace.
Stay a spell Ms. RJ - we just adore you
xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxxxxooooooooxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo (keep this goin!)
Sending you love Ms. RJ. xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Hey Rubyjean
Thank you for the nice words. I dropped out for a while too. I think it happens. Falling slowing off the face of the E
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But it’s great when we come back and when others come back. You know how much you were missed and girly, you have been.
You have so many things to do. They all sound like fun. I have been “crocheting” too. Making scarves. It’s good practice and keeps my hands busy. I love the idea of the book. I think Costco online provides that service too. Funny, my daughter and I were talking about book ideas tonight and ta da you are already all over it. The pie class sounds very comforting. I think there is nothing at all wrong with pie. You just have to share and can’t eat the whole thing. But you can always have pie. There are no NO foods.
Your blood pressure is great and I am glad it is staying stable. That is important. My gf and I always called our time of the month GEORGE. No one ever knew what we were talking about. LOL!
Keep up your good work. I know it’s hard to feel up when you are feeling down. But that’s what we are for - to hold each other up and celebrate each other.
Hugs to you!
Don’t stay away Ruby, we miss you so much