WHY “ROUND” ?

“Round” is translated from French “ronde” — which is used like “curvy” — as a non-negative word for “fat”.

I like the idea of using a new vocabulary, and new attitude, about my body.

I have no intention to not stay “round” — I’d just like to be a smaller round.

WHO AM I ?

I am someone who is both on the journey to a healthy weight, and also simultaneously living as both a victory and a failure.

I am a middle-aged professional.  I am American & I live in France with my (French) husband.

My victory : I successfully and permanently lost around 60 pounds (high weight of 250+, where I lived for all of my 20’s and then some). After losing the weight, I had the opportunity to move to Paris, where the croissants and short gym hours helped me regain a bit, but then my weight stabilized in a 10 pound range of between 185 and 195 for 5 years. For this accomplishment, I am a member of the National Weight Control Registry.

My failure : I never achieved my ultimate weight loss goal of 150 pounds. I briefly touched 167, but quickly regained 20 pounds upon taking an international transfer with my company. Since 2004 my weight had been +/- 5 pounds of 190 until November 2007.  Since then I started slowly gaining, reaching 220 in 2008 and staying around there for about a year.

My journey : I learned a TON about weight loss & weight control over the years. I know things that work for me, and things that don’t. I don’t always put that knowledge to use. I had learned a relatively ‘healthy lifestyle’ approach that worked for a while to maintain my weight at around 190.   While around 190 I tried repeatedly to lose again, never successfully shedding more than about 15-20 pounds, and never keeping it off very long.

My motivation : I would like to be at a lower weight for health reasons (long term disease prevention, short term back health & fertility) and also for ‘ease of living’ reasons (buying clothes in normal sizes in this country of SMALL women). I want to be happy with myself & see the beauty of myself at all sizes.

I have been fat all of my life, and have some deep-seated emotional issues around my body image & self-love. I do not think it is a coincidence that I found True Love only after I had done major work on my body — I became more confident and accepting of myself as I lost weight and kept it off, which allowed me to be open to love in my life.

UPDATE NOVEMBER 2007 : My weight has jumped up to a 6-year high of 202 (as of 14 October). I recently miscarried and am trying to get my weight back to a manageable level (at least 180) . I am trying to do this low-stress, because I have enough stress in my life right now.

UPDATE APRIL 2008 : My weight is up again, to about 210.  I managed to hold my weight around 199 through the holidays but since then it’s been drifting (well, more like syrocketing!) upwards. None of my clothes fit and I feel terrible about myself, and I’m feeling ready to address this now.

UPDATE NOVEMBER 2008 : Well, near-record weights have been a major fixture in my life these past few weeks, I’ve seen SCARY NUMBER (220) several times.  My ectopic pregnancy ordeal in late September was certainly no help, but regardless, in the end it’s just an excuse and my current weight is not something I can live with.

UPDATE MARCH 2009 : I had a few decent weeks between Nov and early January, then started a new, high-pressure, high-travel job that threw everything back up in the air - and the lost pounds back on my body.  It’s taken many weeks to reach a point where I got sick enough of myself to try, try again… And here we go.  On March 16th I started again - for the first few weeks with Weight Watchers online, and then afterwards with a carbohydrate-restricted plan based on what I learned reading “Good Calories, Bad Calories” by Gary Taubes. This carb-restricted approach has been a surprisingly successful one to me - proof that an open mind can yeild results (as I spent MANY years counting calories on approaches that were mainly low-fat).  I’ve stuck with it through a recent endometrial cancer diagnosis (and accompanying stress) and several vacations.