Round

I think most regular readers of my blog know that the last few months have been a bit overwhelming.  I was gearing up for IVF at one of the top worldwide centers when instead of finding myself finally pregnant, I found a cancer diagnosis.  It’s been a pretty rough ride, but the good side is that it’s been caught early and isn’t life-threatening.  It does, however, significantly alter the already-not-easy path to parenthood.  Later this month we travel back to this fertility clinic to gather eggs from my ovaries and hopefully to create some frozen embryos, and then in October I’m having the hysterectomy.  That means the frozen embryos will make their way into the world via another woman - a gestational carrier (the politically correct word for ’surrogate’).  We think we’ve found the carrier, and the lawyer, and if all works out should be able to get this underway by the end of the year.

I am wanting to create a separate blog for this undertaking — we are being pretty open about this (unlike the years of infertlity which I endured pretty much alone).  I guess I now feel it’s not a personal failing, and that I need the support.  In addition, we couldn’t lie to a child about where they came from, and of course my friends and family have been a big support these past few months.  Still, even now I get a bit fed up with repeating the same details to everyone - except my Mom I have a hard time keeping track of who last left off with what info, so my sister’s suggestion to put it into a blog (maybe a private one) seems like a good idea.

I’ve kept Round here going for over 2 years, despite ups and downs and hard times, so I do think the blog solution could work well for me.

My challenge is to come up with a name for the new blog that I like - so far I’m not doing well on that, so I thought I’d ask you all - since most of you have clever names for your own blogs maybe you can help me?

The blog will only focus on the gestational carrier journey and I probably will need to mix in some of my health issues (report after surgery, etc).

I did come up with a name I thought was in the right direction, but there is a big problem with it :

“Not the straight path”  : I like it because it’s true, we are not on the easy or normal path to becoming parents…

the problem?  We are not gay.  There are a number of gay couples that use gestational surrogates to build a family, and obviously with the name ‘not the straight’ everyone would think that’s our situation (what’s the Jerry Seinfeld line - ‘not that there’s anything wrong with it’…) but since we are in fact a married heterosexual couple it’s not exactly the best description.

I want a title that conveys hope, and yet also outlines the fact that this is a big huge undertaking, risky, expensive, emotional, difficult, important, and complex.

Another idea is to use the word ‘intended’ prominently - the parents of a baby of surrogacy (the ones that will take it home) are called ‘intended parents’ in the legalese.  I like the hope and forward-looking side of that word too.

If you have any suggestions, could you pls leave them in the comments?  Hopefully the power of the internet will help me come up with a name worthy of this undertaking.

Thanks!

If you have to go to an oncologist, it’s not so bad if his office is just a few steps away from this view of the Eiffel Tower, right?

If you have to have a hysterectomy when you wanted to be having a baby, it’s not so bad that it’s because they found a condition very early and it means you’ll be safe from further disease, right?

If you have to have a hysterectomy and still want to have a baby, it’s not so bad that there are very good fertility doctors that can find ways to maximize your chances of doing so, while not putting your health at risk, right?

If you have to be in this situation, it’s not bad to have a great husband, who is amazingly supportive and calm.

If you have to go through all this - endometrial cancer, IVF, gestational surrogacy, etc, it’s not bad to have an understanding boss and a financial situation that makes these kinds of things possible (although it’s a BIG stretch for us for money and for my job).

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I had an appointment today with the gynecologic oncologist who booked a new surgery day and wrote the letter giving me the clearance for the IVF.  He was very nice, laughed a bit at the US litigation fears (the reason behind the letter), and was very grateful that I had already prepared the letter in English so that he could just insert the date of the surgery and sign it (I was worried he’d find it too presumptuous).

Walking out of his office I went out of my way to get a good glimpse of the Eiffel Tower, since his office is near to it.  I also got to stroll down some of the prettiest streets of Paris, walk by several nice shops, and enjoy the pretty weather.

Some days I feel that the life circumstances that have brought me here are just so unfair, and some days I feel like I’m just finding my path - and accepting that my path is not the easiest one — but it’s MINE.  And I need to stop an enjoy the sights, the architecture and all the views I have along the way.

I am sticking with the carb-restricted eating for the coming weeks (no bread, pasta, potatoes, sugars etc) and I’m starting — gently — back to exercise. But over the coming weeks I’m going through IVF and will be pumped full of hormones so I am not going to freak out about the numbers too much, since I can’t control them.

And they are really insignificant next to everything important in life.

These days I do everything I can to reduce stress in my life and to put myself first.

The big shock of the unexpected endometrial cancer diagnosis is behind me, as are (most) of the sleepness nights associated with it.  But the medical road is just at a cruising area now, not done by any means, and in a few weeks I’ll be pumped to the gills with hormones that will make me battier than ever as we harvest eggs before the hysterectomy.

We’ve made good progress on the gestational carrier (new-fangled term for ’surrogate’) front - we selected the lawyer this week, and will start to work out contract terms with our GC this weekend.  I’m working on ways to reassure her about our involvement in the pregnancy (not easy since we’re in Paris and I will want to put most of my time off from work after the baby comes).  All in all, although it’s a complex and detailed process (and expensive - did I mention Expen$ive?), it is manageable, and all 3 of us have a good feeling about this (me, my husband, and our GC).

I’ve been getting a lot of niggly projects out of the way and doing the minimal required for work.  Thank goodness my boss is an angel and has kept things easy for me and agreed to no travel.

I even went back to the gym, first on Saturday and then again yesterday, and now plan to try to go 3 times a week.   No big pressure - just trying to do things to reduce stress.  I also want to go back to meditating (well, I didn’t ever do it regularly enough to call it ‘going back to’ but maybe I could say ‘go back to exploring’?).