It is so hard to come back on here after a major backslide. In many ways it would be easier to just start a new blog, new story. But the hardest part is probably finding my way here at all, and I am feeling the need to be honest.

I have ballooned up to 202 pounds as of a few weeks ago. I haven’t weighed since, but I’m guessing nothings changed, because my clothes are all too tight. I’ve been trying to eat healthy since Monday. I am only committing myself to 2 weeks of this right now, then we’ll see what I can handle.

I have had the most bittersweet year imaginable. Full of incredible joy and terrible suffering. In all, I guess the joy outweighs, but it hasn’t been at all what I’d hoped.

JOY : I got married to a wonderful, fabulous man whom I’ve known for 3 years now. We were able to have our families and friends with us to celebrate the wedding and at 2 great parties. We went on a great honeymoon to Greece. We’ve been through a lot together (sufferings, coming up) and it’s made our relationship richer and stronger. Just after our honeymoon I got a long-awaited POSITIVE pregnancy test.

SUFFERING : I had severe, debilitating sciatica just weeks before my wedding, and I was heavily drugged and in a lot of pain through my wedding, had to postpone our honeymoon, and ended up having surgery a week later. My husband has had several bouts of severe abdominal pain which has resulted in 2 hospitalizations and a lot of tests, but no answers. Finally, our joy of finally being pregnant was followed a few weeks later with the devastation of a miscarriage. That was last week, and my emotions are still reeling.

So, I’m trying to pick up and move on, trying to stop the weight spiral because it’s just making me feel worse about everything else. Trying to take it one day at a time, trying to keep stress to a minimum.