Round

Yesterday I made a recipe for “curried chick peas”. I found the recipe online, because my wonderful husband had gone a bit overboard in buying veggies last week, and I had broccoli, artichokes, summer squash AND a cauliflower to use. So I looked up recipes for cauliflower and found “curried chick peas” (which used a whole head of cauliflower).

So yesterday afternoon I cooked this dish, and ate it for lunch & again as a late-afternoon snack (probably would have been more filling if I’d had brown rice w it, but I had it on it’s own).

Having a healthy dish prepared in the house was quite helpful when my husband came home with plans for a BBQ dinner & strawberries w a can of whipped cream. I still ate half a hamburger & one hot dog (no bun) and had a bit of cream on my berries (but no sugar). But having the healthy stuff just before & having the broccoli already cooked helped me keep the meal reasonable.

Lunch today was less successful. We were out running errands & overshot our timing so had to have lunch on the run. We went to a chain Italian restaurant & I ordered a pizza. The positive sides : I had veggie salad to start, and fruit salad for dessert, and I left about a quarter of my pizza (leaving food uneaten on my plate is always a challenge for me). So I could have been better (there were salads on the menu too) but no major harm done.

…Tonight another challenge, we went to a newly-discovered bakery in our neighborhood & bought a bunch of desserts to “give them a try”… Stupid. I know I will try each of them & probably have more than one bite of a few favorites. But I’ll try to balance that w healthy choices for the main part of the meal, and a light day tomorrow. And I’m going to force myself to go for a walk right now, too.

I am living in France.

I started watching my weight again at 194 pounds, about 4 months ago.

I am recovering from back surgery (lumbar discectomy for sciatica).

I am not allowed to exercise until September, except walking 30 minutes at a time.

I am trying to maintain my weight around 183 during this injury & recovery period.

I am considering those 11 pounds PERMANENTLY gone.

I am someone who is both on the journey to a healthy weight, and also simultaneously living as both a victory and a failure.

My victory : I successfully and permanently lost around 60 pounds (high weight of 250+, where I lived for all of my 20’s and then some). I have successfully maintained my weight below 195 for the past 4 years. For this accomplishment, I am a member of the National Weight Control Registry.

My failure : I never achieved my ultimate weight loss goal of 150 pounds. I briefly touched 163, but quickly regained 20 pounds upon taking an international transfer with my company. Since 2004 my weight has been +/- 5 pounds of 190.

My journey : I learned a TON about weight loss & weight control over the years. I know things that work for me, and things that don’t. I don’t always put that knowledge to use. I have learned a relatively ‘healthy lifestyle’ approach that works without too much difficulty to maintain my weight at around 190. I have not been successful in shedding more than about 15-20 pounds since I’ve been in France, and each time I’ve lost, I have always regained.

My motivation : I would like to be at a lower weight for health reasons (long term disease prevention, short term back health & fertility) and also for ‘ease of living’ reasons (buying clothes in normal sizes in this country of SMALL women). I want to be happy with myself & see the beauty of myself at all sizes.

I have been fat all of my life, and have some deep-seated emotional issues around my body image & self-love. I do not think it is a coincidence that I found True Love only after I had done major work on my body — I became more confident and accepting of myself as I lost weight and kept it off, which allowed me to be open to love in my life. I am recently married.