A call to arms….

December 27th, 2012

He loves me- but even he mentioned the arms recently

To fix my FAT arms really…

This picture taken almost 2 years ago is so hard for me to associate with.  My arms are just huge for me- I can’t stop looking at them!  They just look like the arms of some middle aged woman- not me!  That guy loves me so much, he lives to make me feel loved and precious- but even he gently mentioned the fat arms awhile ago.  I am just so grateful that he is still 100 pounds more than me and keeps me feeling small.

I am a day away from being 52 years old.  I have never worried about aging- the numbers seemed to go by with out any real concern about the increasing years of life they represented.  I have always been proud of looking a significant number of years less than I really was….

Until recently… the weight I have gained recently has aged me dramatically.

I have never been thin.  I am built to be “sturdy”, size 6-8 was my general range, but with size 8 shoes and “man” hands I would never have been mistaken for delicate.  I have been small, but powerful all my life.  Just like many women my body was never exactly what I wanted.  I was always slightly more pounds than I thought I should be- thicker thighs and smaller boobs- but a flat tummy and a nice bubble of a butt made me OK with what I had.  I never obsessed about weight and actually in comparison to many others I was proud that - the little body of mine could power through ANYTHING.  Five children, expert skier, powerful hiker…

My weight past…

As a teen I was about 145 pounds- slightly chubby for my 5′3″ height.  By my early 20’s I was cute and compact at 125, with the occational drop to under 120.  I would weigh about 165 by the time I went to the hospital to have anyone of the 5 kids, then I would have to spend a year or so dropping from my post baby weight of 145 to about 130-135, occationally dipping back to my “fighting weight” of 125. At age 40 Iwas horrified that I was back up to my teen chubby weight of 145 and worked like a fiend to get back down to under 130 for a family vacation on the beach- that made my sister in laws green with envy.

A horrific divorce, a massive work schedule to afford life, a new love-  and I was back up to the 145 range towards the end of my 40’s.  Then, without any past history of my body doing this to me, it took 6 months of not really watching my weight or working out to gain 10-15 pounds.  I was horrified- but then gained more!

Where I am now…

Instead of being a 5, 10, or maybe 20 pounds overweight athletic woman- I am now  an obese, middle aged woman (weighing what I went to the hospital to deliver a baby at- 165 pounds!) who is going to have to lose 45 pounds to be healthy again.

The next few days will be my planning days.  I will need some ammunition to begin this battle.

One Response to “A call to arms….”

  1. tam2012 Says:

    I am 52 as well. My slim days ended a long time ago. I was comfortable being plump but would choose skinny any day. I am just learning that I am in control of my weight and health. I like your indifference to gaining weight. I am finally developing an attitude that it is important to “get my sexy back”. I’ll be reading your post for motivation. I know you will reach your goal.

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