No, unfortunately, I’m not back. My back is still messed up. I’m not really sure where to go from here. It is terribly depressing. I went ahead with the surgery 7 months ago and I’m not much better. I have tried everything I can think of, including acupuncture. I thought it was helping at first, but now I’m not so sure. Doctors are talking about doing another surgery, but I don’t think I am up for that. I was supposed to have a baby by now. I guess things don’t always work out the way we want them to, huh? I am back up to 226 lbs. I am just going to tough it out, I guess. I don’t know what else to do.

ARG, my back/leg pain is getting worse.  I think I’m going to have to have surgery.   I am going to make an appointment to visit the doctor again to see what my options are.  I mean, it’s been over a year, what are the chances it’s going to heal on it’s own?  I’ve tried everything!  Physical Therapy, inversion therapy, stretching, medication, etc.  I’m just so frustrated with my body right now.  I want so so so much to have a baby, but need my back healthy first.  Seems like every time I turn around someone else is pregnant or playing with their baby.

On a good note, my weight loss is progressing as usual. Down to 219!

Wow, I haven’t updated in a long time.  I’ve still been doing Weight Watchers, the weight is coming off…rather slowly.  I’m down to 225lbs so that’s 71lbs total lost. I’m so happy about how far I’ve come, but I just wish it would come off faster.  I have been walking almost everyday with a friend I met at WW.  We walk about 3.5 miles almost every morning.  We get up at 5AM and get it over with.  I’m so lucky to have met her and to have her to walk with.  I would NOT want to do it on my own. I wish I could get down to the emotional issues I have with food.  You know on Biggest Loser, there is always some reason they overeat.  I’m always thinking…hmmm what’s my reason.  I can never figure it out.

I’m still not pregnant.  I’ve been on medication for my back problems.  The medication should not be taken while you are pregnant or trying to conceive.  I was taking 3 different meds and my back was feeling so much better.  I thought it was fixed! I really thought the walking was helping me the most.  I tried to get off the meds…and the back/leg pain is back with a vengeance!  So depressing.  I don’t know what to do…I can’t stay on these meds and get pregnant, which I want soooo much.

So, my back has been getting a lot worse with pain going down my butt and leg. I had a MRI and found out that I have 2 large bulging discs. That would explain the pain I’ve been in lately. I have a very sedentary job and sitting at my desk for eight hours a day does NOT help. I have to go back to the doc next week to discuss the results and find out my options. I’ve been pretty bummed about it this weekend. And here comes the emotional eating. At least I recognized it this time. I had to take a step back and be like, I’m not going to let this slow down my progress. In the back of my mind, I can see myself looking for an excuse. I’m not going to be weak this time. I’m going to find out what exercises I can do and trudge on.

I finally made it under 250 lbs!  Yea!  I WILL NEVER RETURN!!!!  Yesterday when I weighed in I weighed 247 ( lost 3 lbs last week).  That’s just the rate I would like to lose it at.  I think 3 lbs a week is a great pace.  That makes a total of 49lbs (28 since I started in September).  I’m feeling really well. I’ve up’ed my time on the elliptical to 45 minutes.  I’ve usually been doing that 4 times a week.  I’m still following Weight Watchers.  I really enjoy going to the meetings.  It’s given me a chance to meet new people and share recipes,etc.

I have an appointment tomorrow with my OB-Gyn for a follow-up regarding PCOS.  So wish me luck.  I think I’m doing better…my face is cleared up (for the most part) and my cycles are getting shorter.  I’m thinking about getting an ovulation kit to see if I’m ovulating…but I’ve heard that they may not work for PCOS girls.  So that’s something I’m going to talk to her about tomorrow.

Biggest Loser was good.  I was glad to see Tracy finally saw the light before she left.  They are SOOO motivating.

Download this motivational song: “Superwoman,” Alicia Keys.

I can wear my wedding ring again! This is the first time I’ve be able to in years. It makes me so happy to know that I can do this without any help from a trainer or more importantly, pills. I kind of always thought that I would be fat forever and I would never be able to lose it on my own. But I can!! It might not be as fast as taking pills, but it’s much healthier and hopefully more long-term.
Happy Friday all!

Download this motivational song: “I am changing.” From the Dreamgirls soundtrack.

I’ve lost another 3lbs since last week! I hope I can keep going at this speed. I’m feeling really great, but I’m getting kind of bored with my food. I need to look through some recipe books and find some way to spice up my life. LOL

I’ve been exercising on my elliptical pretty much everyday.  I would like to start doing some strength exercises, but I’m reluctant to join the gym.  Why can’t all the Skinny B’s have their own dang gym?  They are in there running marathons on the treadmills, ellipticals, etc.  I guess I’m a little self-conscious to workout in front of them.  I think I need to make a fat girls coalition and we can all just charge in there and take up the machines and boot the skinny b’s out!

So I started WW last week and I weigh in on Thursdays.  I’ve been tracking my points online. It is really easy!  It seems kinda to good to be true.  I’m staying on or under my points everyday and started  exercising on my elliptical.  I’m still trying to do a lot of low GI foods, eating the right kinds of carbs, etc.

I’ve lost 19.5 lbs so far (this round) and a total of 40.5, since last year.

PCOS update: I’m a lot more hopeful about pregnancy after talking to my husband and my recently impregnated friend :).  I decided that I would continue my weight loss efforts and after 6 months, (if I’m not PG) we’ll try the metformin.

Okay, I’m going to go eat dinner and get ready to watch Biggest Loser!

My closest friend just found out she’s pregnant. I am so happy for her… I know she’s struggled as much as I have. But I can’t help but feel jealous. As soon as I hung up from talking with her I just started crying. I know, that’s lame, but it was completely involuntary. Will I ever lose this weight and be able to get pregnant?

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) is a condition that I struggle with daily.  PCOS is a hormonal disorder that effects many women and is a major cause of female infertility.  Here is a list of some of the most common symptoms associated with PCOS:

• Acne.
• Weight gain and trouble losing weight.
• Extra hair on the face and body.
• Thinning hair on the scalp.
• Irregular periods.
• Fertility problems.

Yes they can be very embarrassing symptoms.  After I stopped taking my birth control pills (trying to get pregnant), I started getting some of the symptoms.  It seemed like I gained 40lbs overnight.  I started having really oily skin and horrible, painful acne.  I actually didn’t have my period for 6 months.  It was really scary.  I didn’t understand what was going on with me.  After being basically waved of by my doctor, I went to a specialist and found out what was wrong with me.

The best ‘treatment’ of PCOS (in my situation) was to lose weight.  So far I have lost 36lbs.  And my cycle is getting back on track, YEA!  I still have some acne problems here and there…but my symptoms have lessened greatly.  I’m excited to continue on my weight loss journey and glad that I have somewhere to go to talk about it!

Life’s a journey not a destination ~ Aerosmith