4thFebruary

a bit of foresight…

Not staying near my calorie limit though i did write and tally everything I ate. Think I was some 500 calories over my allotment. Again, I made notes of how I could have achieved goal. Of course, hindsight is just that, but perhaps what I need….is a bit of…planning! There, I said it! The abominable word. The word I loathe. The word that wants to rob me of my spontaneity. The word…the word…the word…that may be key to my actually losing weight. Wink, wink.

Well, my weight is up but I’m OK with that. Logged all food and tallied the calories for yesterday, though I didn’t add it up today. I was nearly 400 calories over my allotment. The good thing I’m finding about calorie counting is that it is starting to make me really think if I want to eat something and think about alternatives. Like for yesterday’s food, I thought what I could have done without in order to have made goal. That’s excellent practice.

Well, here’s to today and a good day working toward my 40 lbs of fat removal!

3rdFebruary

a small glitch…

Well, yesterday was going fine until it got better then crashed. The getting better part was the Steelers winning!! Being from Pittsburgh, this is a biggie for me!! Dance, cheer, dance. The crash was because I invited people out for drinks on me and, of course, I was one of the drinkers. I didn’t eat much but I had a lot of the brew. Today, I am at least writing and tallying things down. I will get back on track. These things have to made room for. 
Up and at ‘em, forward!

Well, the day is nearing an end and this is the usually dangerous time. I can hardly believe it but I am under my calorie allotment and contemplating what to eat, how I can best “spend” the rest of my calories today. I am going through the freezer looking at labels on specially purchased meals (at an import shop…pricey!!) and going hmmm…hmmm….what’s this?….what’s in this one??? Now that just demonstrates how little I have concerned myself with calories in recent times.

I’m wondering how long I can last at this. Things are just going too well and the calories are SO easy to pack on. I mean, today, I was gold, pure gold. And even though my horse dumped me and the train got stopped as I was going in to the office to get things moving a little forward (another jumper I guess) I still am here at home with calories left over and it’s 7:30 p.m. That is also the time I have always felt I needed to end the day on a TREAT, which has meant, surprise, surprise, sweets or snacks and tons of calories. Oh, boy, can I do this, can I do this? 

Wow, oh, wow, I just did what was no doubt the most accurate calorie count in months and it was….2,118!!! My God, and I thought today was a good day. Well, it was, which just shows how much I normally eat.
Oh well, there were some eye openers, one was the fact that my morning super oatmeal is indeed that at 726 calories. And the Starbucks tall latte, EVEN with lowfat milk is said to be 160 calories. WTF? Heh, bye-bye latte, hello regular old coffee. Darn. I don’t even like milk. The rest was OK. I expected it. I allowed it. I enjoyed it.

It’s nice to know I can save some places and not feel deprived. I already figured out that if I cut out all the other grains I put in my oatmeal besides oats and cut out the honey, I can get the total down to 390 calories. The wheels start spinning. When I’m pmsing and crave more calories, then I’ll call for the super oatmeal. Hoo-haw!

31stJanuary

starting anew!!!

Well, I just did a photo session. They aren’t good because I just have my phone camera but it’ll do. I purposely wore clothes that I can’t wear now, pants that barely button, shirt tucked in (I NEVER do that!) with the roll around my waist…er, midsection…hanging over. Sorry, if anyone is eating… But this is the start. I love looking at before and after shots. They are SO inspiring but I never take photos of myself so I wouldn’t have any. Also, it’s a very unpleasant wakeup call but one I need to get this project on the road and keep it there. 

My God, these photos are horrid, really horrid. I will show them when I am well away from them. I would like to show them when I am 40 lbs lighter but think I’ll start showing them earlier. Well, we’ll see. 

Anyhow, that’s the news thus far. I have only had tea since breakfast and though I have a cold still and my chest hurts, I am going to walk to the gym. Don’t know if I’ll do anything because I am still sick, but I want to feel I have done something today. Oh, that I could just hold on to this motivation.

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Yes, my God, I am going to make this my project, my before and after project, my weight loss project. And damn, I am going to do a whopping good job!!!

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I just had lunch:

a bagel with 35 grams of peanut butter

a cup of miso and negi soup

2 mikan

I wrote it all down in a journal and am now heading outside for some exercise. The rain has stopped but it’s cold. I am psyched! For the first time in months.

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Well, I didn’t get to the gym because my lungs still hurt too much. I did go for a long walk as far as the gym, which is 50 min. away. So I did the loop and got a good two hours’ walk in. Felt better coming back actually but that was probably due to the tall Starbucks lowfat latte I had. My bag was much heavier from shopped.

I picked up a nice pot to start making some soups and stews. These I then split up into meal-size baggies and freeze them to take to work. 

After getting in I had a pack of these cheese crackers. Nothing to be proud of but I’m starting slow and giving myself the option of “eating anything.” From there I make a choice. But I will write it down.

I then embarked on a huge apple. There were only 300 yen for a bag of 4 or 5 so I expected them to be rotten inside, but they weren’t. It was good. Now I’m having a cheese risotto, prepackaged thing and then I’m going to end with microwaved popcorn. I know, I know, it’s nothing great, but I will record all calories and have a total for the day.

I am really getting into this. As I walking along, whenever the blues started creeping up on me, I lost them by quickly diverting to my new thought place in my head. No, not looney, just full of too much inner talk. That new thought place is called My Weight Project and I spent time in Starba’s writing down images and stage goals in order to reach 55 kg. Cool. Came up with a racetrack plan (I do a lot of racing writing). Breaking my journey into 10 lb legs, I imagine the trip as a 2,200 meter race at Tokyo. Starting in the pocket just past the stretch, I’ll take the first 10 lbs just into the backstretch, the next to the bend and the third 10 around into the stretch and then…..and then, we are heading HOME!! I will hit the wire on August 8. You bet!!

Photobucket

Well, it’s the fifth day of the new year and I am having one of the worst starts to a new year in a long time. No riding, no gym yet, though I did try. My eating has been horrible too.

I am depressed badly again. Well, who wouldn’t be putting all the junk into my body and not doing anything uplifting… (Sigh).

Well, it’s just going to be up to me to pull myself OUT of this mire.

I’m going to start keeping a little notebook of things I did that were good today, things, no matter how small they may seem, that were good for me, that moved me in the direction of my weight loss and health and fitness goals.

Wish me luck.

21stDecember

milestones…

The work has paid off today in a number of milestones. My weight was below 70 kg for the first time in literal months!

The jeans I use for a measure I was able to get buttoned AND….drumroll….ZIPPED.

Just a few weeks ago there was a good hand’s width at the top between the button and the hole! Is that for real or what?

I’m smiling today!

 

 

19thDecember

carry that weight….

Well, I was really bummed today, really depressed feeling. I went to get my hair cut and it’s in this somewhat posh part of town. I ALWAYS get so depressed walking through there mostly because I see all these shops with overpriced stuff that I can’t imagine anyone wanting let alone actually buying and yet these shops exist despite all the people who (like me) can’t even afford new shoes. I think, what kind of people support these stores. I never even see shoppers in them. It’s such a downer.

Anyhow, afterward I went and dropped money in another part of town on the old staple, books and magazines. That made me feel a little better. Then I went to the gym and jogged and cycled and the sweat pouring off me felt SO good. So, did upping the treadmill to 9.9 kph and running to some Chemical Brothers. Then a long walk home. 

I walked a lot today and kept getting heavier and heavier because I had bought things. My backpack was full and I had a waistpack on and bags in both hands. My feet were starting to hurt and I was wondering just how much weight I was carrying. When I got home I weighed everything and I was surprised to find it was only about 10 kg (23 pounds)! Wow. I never think much of 10 kg but it just goes to show what it feels like on your feet after a while. This means I will definitely have something to look forward to if/when I lose 10 kg because I will feel that much lighter on my feet! 

Actually, there was a time a couple years ago where I definitely packed on the fat, probably around 5 kg of it and my knees really started hurting. I was surprised, didn’t think 5 kg would make any difference but I guess it does, That’s 12 pounds and if just doesn’t sound like much but I suppose there’s a point where your body just says, “No more!” and starts hurting. 

Well, other than that, my self-ban on booze, cigs and sugar continues. I am at that point though where I am starting to toy with the idea of drinking again, or eating sugar. I hope to not smoke. Part of me wants to just do a complete about-face and stop drinking totally and the other part wants my freedom. It feels cool to be a teetotaler for now because it was so NOT me. There is great freedom in not having to figure in late mornings to give myself time to recuperate, freedom in only having to shake off a lack of sleep instead of a hangover, freedom in knowing I am not going to stay out till dawn and that my morning commitments will be met. There is freedom in this stability and consistency and I like it. But, I do miss hunkering down with a friend over a number of pints and hours of conversation. I’ve got to find a compromise and it’s not to be found in moderation, No, it’s just not me. 

I have to figure something out though because allowing myself too much rein leads to … well, you know what I do with it… 

Picture of my horse, Heidi, taken yesterday with my phone….

7thDecember

reset…

Ok, I figured I had to get in here and post an update, especially after reading that horrible last post. I was really down and it wasn’t like me to go on and on like that…or is it? LOL.

In any case, I’m feeling a lot better even though I have had some rough days, or is it because I have had some rough days…and…gotten through them with class that I feel better. I would say it’s the latter. 

Yup, it’s over one entire month since I had a drop of alcohol. The same goes for smoking and sugar isn’t far behind. I’m finally figuring out how to sit with my emotions and all the shite that happens in life and get through without overeating and drinking.

It’s taken long enough.

Here’s a photo from the Nov. 30 Japan Cup I took with my phone. Late afternoon sun low in the sky. Italian rider Mirco Demuro aboard winner race ninth pick Screen Hero raises his arm in triumph for the cameras. Vodka came in fourth.

Mirco Demuro raises his arm in triumph aboard Screen Hero after winning the 2008 Japan Cup at Tokyo Racecourse.