29thOctober

slow progress

Well, it’s over a week into my eating clean challenge and, though I have made some progress, it’s ridiculously slow. In fact, I can’t believe how slow it is. It’s so easy to put the fat on but it takes forever to take it off. It’s like spending money and earning money, only reversed in what we want to do.

I am so discouraged, so depressed. Why can’t I make any progress that makes me feel better? Maybe it’s just because I’m getting old and it all seems to get worse no matter what you do. It’s not like when I was younger and I could actually improve things. Now, an improvement is still worse than what it was , in all respects. What it was years ago, or even a year ago. That’s what is so hard. Well, not hard, it just sucks. Is it possible to feel an improvement without looking at the overall degeneration? Maybe not. But should that be the goal? Should that be the measure. Did being able to look SO much better years ago motivate me back then? No, it didn’t. I was always moaning, always complaining and that’s how I’ve basically wasted my life.

I don’t want to waste my days now crying about this and hating myself, but I don’t exactly feel good. What is wrong with me?!


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