8thFebruary

all about me….

I got a hold of myself over the weekend, thanks largely to being away from the office. I had gotten Dr. Phil’s book on weight loss and though I have NEVER been a fan of his, this book is speaking to me. I’m not far along but I think I already heard something that is hitting home. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, but like with so much, you can’t really hear it till you’re ready. It was about taking the whole weight loss journey and focusing on what feels good. I know it’s not sweets and junk food, though I can and do pretend they taste scrumptious. I know that what really feels good is eating like a lean person, well, not just any lean person, but the lean me, putting all those things I say I adore about me and actually walking the talk, MY talk. And that’s what makes it different, that it’s about ME.

6thFebruary

taking it beyond..

Long sigh. I really blew it yesterday. I just couldn’t stop eating. All sorts of junk and then more junk. I was so irritated, so ticked off about things at work and tired, very tired, and yet I had to keep working. Ok, I know these are excuses, but they are my worst triggers. And now, what do I have for it? More irritation, more stress and now it’s aimed directly at me. 

So, enough at last! I am NOT going to beat myself up. I just have to find a more intelligent way of dealing with all the crap that happens in life and especially at work. 

But, I’m also not going to pretend that losing weight is such a wonderful, fantastic, godawful thing that sticking to my plan is going to make things rosy. No, not at all. It’ll just be a little thing, that some days will make me feel a bit better. But a bit better doesn’t mean good. Deal with it.

I’ve got to take things way beyond myself and my petty desires.

Back on things today. Trudge, trudge.

4thFebruary

a bit of foresight…

Not staying near my calorie limit though i did write and tally everything I ate. Think I was some 500 calories over my allotment. Again, I made notes of how I could have achieved goal. Of course, hindsight is just that, but perhaps what I need….is a bit of…planning! There, I said it! The abominable word. The word I loathe. The word that wants to rob me of my spontaneity. The word…the word…the word…that may be key to my actually losing weight. Wink, wink.

Well, my weight is up but I’m OK with that. Logged all food and tallied the calories for yesterday, though I didn’t add it up today. I was nearly 400 calories over my allotment. The good thing I’m finding about calorie counting is that it is starting to make me really think if I want to eat something and think about alternatives. Like for yesterday’s food, I thought what I could have done without in order to have made goal. That’s excellent practice.

Well, here’s to today and a good day working toward my 40 lbs of fat removal!

3rdFebruary

a small glitch…

Well, yesterday was going fine until it got better then crashed. The getting better part was the Steelers winning!! Being from Pittsburgh, this is a biggie for me!! Dance, cheer, dance. The crash was because I invited people out for drinks on me and, of course, I was one of the drinkers. I didn’t eat much but I had a lot of the brew. Today, I am at least writing and tallying things down. I will get back on track. These things have to made room for. 
Up and at ‘em, forward!

Well, the day is nearing an end and this is the usually dangerous time. I can hardly believe it but I am under my calorie allotment and contemplating what to eat, how I can best “spend” the rest of my calories today. I am going through the freezer looking at labels on specially purchased meals (at an import shop…pricey!!) and going hmmm…hmmm….what’s this?….what’s in this one??? Now that just demonstrates how little I have concerned myself with calories in recent times.

I’m wondering how long I can last at this. Things are just going too well and the calories are SO easy to pack on. I mean, today, I was gold, pure gold. And even though my horse dumped me and the train got stopped as I was going in to the office to get things moving a little forward (another jumper I guess) I still am here at home with calories left over and it’s 7:30 p.m. That is also the time I have always felt I needed to end the day on a TREAT, which has meant, surprise, surprise, sweets or snacks and tons of calories. Oh, boy, can I do this, can I do this?