21stDecember

milestones…

The work has paid off today in a number of milestones. My weight was below 70 kg for the first time in literal months!

The jeans I use for a measure I was able to get buttoned AND….drumroll….ZIPPED.

Just a few weeks ago there was a good hand’s width at the top between the button and the hole! Is that for real or what?

I’m smiling today!

 

 

19thDecember

carry that weight….

Well, I was really bummed today, really depressed feeling. I went to get my hair cut and it’s in this somewhat posh part of town. I ALWAYS get so depressed walking through there mostly because I see all these shops with overpriced stuff that I can’t imagine anyone wanting let alone actually buying and yet these shops exist despite all the people who (like me) can’t even afford new shoes. I think, what kind of people support these stores. I never even see shoppers in them. It’s such a downer.

Anyhow, afterward I went and dropped money in another part of town on the old staple, books and magazines. That made me feel a little better. Then I went to the gym and jogged and cycled and the sweat pouring off me felt SO good. So, did upping the treadmill to 9.9 kph and running to some Chemical Brothers. Then a long walk home. 

I walked a lot today and kept getting heavier and heavier because I had bought things. My backpack was full and I had a waistpack on and bags in both hands. My feet were starting to hurt and I was wondering just how much weight I was carrying. When I got home I weighed everything and I was surprised to find it was only about 10 kg (23 pounds)! Wow. I never think much of 10 kg but it just goes to show what it feels like on your feet after a while. This means I will definitely have something to look forward to if/when I lose 10 kg because I will feel that much lighter on my feet! 

Actually, there was a time a couple years ago where I definitely packed on the fat, probably around 5 kg of it and my knees really started hurting. I was surprised, didn’t think 5 kg would make any difference but I guess it does, That’s 12 pounds and if just doesn’t sound like much but I suppose there’s a point where your body just says, “No more!” and starts hurting. 

Well, other than that, my self-ban on booze, cigs and sugar continues. I am at that point though where I am starting to toy with the idea of drinking again, or eating sugar. I hope to not smoke. Part of me wants to just do a complete about-face and stop drinking totally and the other part wants my freedom. It feels cool to be a teetotaler for now because it was so NOT me. There is great freedom in not having to figure in late mornings to give myself time to recuperate, freedom in only having to shake off a lack of sleep instead of a hangover, freedom in knowing I am not going to stay out till dawn and that my morning commitments will be met. There is freedom in this stability and consistency and I like it. But, I do miss hunkering down with a friend over a number of pints and hours of conversation. I’ve got to find a compromise and it’s not to be found in moderation, No, it’s just not me. 

I have to figure something out though because allowing myself too much rein leads to … well, you know what I do with it… 

Picture of my horse, Heidi, taken yesterday with my phone….

7thDecember

reset…

Ok, I figured I had to get in here and post an update, especially after reading that horrible last post. I was really down and it wasn’t like me to go on and on like that…or is it? LOL.

In any case, I’m feeling a lot better even though I have had some rough days, or is it because I have had some rough days…and…gotten through them with class that I feel better. I would say it’s the latter. 

Yup, it’s over one entire month since I had a drop of alcohol. The same goes for smoking and sugar isn’t far behind. I’m finally figuring out how to sit with my emotions and all the shite that happens in life and get through without overeating and drinking.

It’s taken long enough.

Here’s a photo from the Nov. 30 Japan Cup I took with my phone. Late afternoon sun low in the sky. Italian rider Mirco Demuro aboard winner race ninth pick Screen Hero raises his arm in triumph for the cameras. Vodka came in fourth.

Mirco Demuro raises his arm in triumph aboard Screen Hero after winning the 2008 Japan Cup at Tokyo Racecourse.