24thAugust

paying the price…

Ah, heck, yesterday I had another major binge and not just with sugar. I also ate fast food and junk food, something I never do. It was gross but I was in a state and still am (no doubt because of the food). What makes it all the more bizarre is that I know more than ever how bad the things are for me. Actually, I’m wondering if the binge was larger than before or it it only seems larger because I am so much more aware/obsessed over things.

 I am really, really feeling like I cannot carry on, I am so tired of trying and trying and it just not working. In earlier years I didn’t have to worry about every thing that went in my mouth. Now, it seems that if I don’t, my skin worsens immediately. I really need a break from the itching, the scratching, the tornup skin. Yes, the stress is unreal and I read that that is a HUGE leech on the body’s stores, so couple that with workouts and pushing myself hard every day and I guess…no, KNOW…. I am just totally run down. Something’s got to give, I guess. I thought I could just concentrate on eating SUPER healthy and maybe I can, but that is the price I have to pay. I have to accept that and embrace it.So, I guess my whining is because I haven’t committed to what I know (think) is required in order to get healthy.  

Sigh, I guess the only thing to do is to reassess, to clearly look at the cost for value factors in my life.

Don’t mind me. I’m just beat down and in dire need of relief from so much. I’m just going to have to try to pull myself up by my bootstraps…..