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I’MMMM BAAAAACCCKKKKK September 6, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 2:36 pm

Drama thy name is Andrea……

 

I feel like life for the last 3 weeks has been a blur of dramatic events that have no place in the everday life of a fat chick trying to get healthy & loose weight.  And because of said events there was a “dramatic” pause in my weight loss journey.

 

On July 21st I get a phone call from my best friend in Colorado saying that she went over to my mom’s house and found a horrible site.  My mom had apparently not moved from the couch in several days(you can imagine the pleasant smell) and was going through alcohol withdrawal for the 6th or 7th time that I can think of.  The worst part though was Chloe. 

 

   

 

 

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Chloe is the beautiful Great Pyrenees that I gave my mom for her birthday 5 years ago.  I picked Chloe from the litter and drove to pick her up and I have spent 3 years of my life with this dog….I call her Sissy.  Well, my friend goes down to the basement where she finds that Chloe has been living in her own filth for over 2 weeks without being let outside and has been surviving by eating cat litter because my mother can’t get off the couch to feed her( that and there was no dog food in the house).  I am heartbroken.  I can’t think of anything worse that could be happening at that point in time. 

 

All kinds of options start getting thrown around….words like shelter, humane society, and pound.  None of these options work for me.  So with the help of my sister and 2 friends we hatch a plan to get Chloe out of there and safely to me here in Memphis.  My sister loans me some money and my boss gives me two days off from work….Aug. 16th & 17th.  My friend Tami is going to get my mother into the hospital on 8/15 and then take Chloe to my friend Brie, who is then going to drive Chloe to Topeka where I will meet them with my dog Sava and bring her home to memphis.  Sava & Chloe had always had a special bond since the are only 10 months apart and were practically raised together.  I figured he would help ease her transition.

 

The plan went off perfectly & on 8/16 I saw Chloe for the first time in a year.  Her coat was matted beyond belief, her nails were so long that they curved like bird talons, and she was extremely thin.  It was worse than I could have ever imagined. Upon feeling her skull through her skin and seeing her protruding hips bones I proceeded to punch the sink in the hotel bathroom until my hand was good and bruised.  Everyone who knows me understands my hatred for people who let this happen to their dogs and it is doubly painful knowing that it is my mother that let this happen.  Her addiction problems aside this is beyond repair at the moment.

 

So, the first thing I do when we get back to Memphis is get Chloe to the vet the very next morning.  Diagnosis:  ear infection, flea Infestation, nails so long it is causing her to walk back on her heels, 30 lbs underweight, malnourished, and the matting of her fur is causing several hotspots and open sores on her body.  This is all fixable.  We get her some heartworm & flea meds and then head off to the groomer who tells me that saving her coat is not an option.  So, four hours later I go back to pick her up and am greeted by a nakid Pyrenees…..it is sad and adorable at the same time. (Check out her pretty purple bows)

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

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Well…after Chloe was shaved nakid I discovered a new problem which required immediate attention.  Now that the hair was all gone I noticed that her right rear knee was double the size of the left knee.  I got a few referrals and after care consideration I picked a vet to take her to.  After several x-rays and a sedated orthopedic exam (by the “so cute I could eat” Dr. Slattery) it was determined that Chloe has, sometime in the past year, had a tramatic injury that has completely dislocated her knee cap.  After careful review it is confirmed that this is NOT genetic Patellar Luxation…..it is an injury.  More than likely Chloe’s long nails got caught in the carpet and she fell down the stairs.  More heartbreak for my baby girl.  Luckily the man of the hour has become Dr. Slattery,  he is going to be able to perform Chloe’s repair surgery and doesn’t have to send me to the super ginormous & super expense specialist up the street.

 

So….this is how it stands.  On September 18th Chloe will be checked in for a Medial Luxated Patella Repair, including surgical removal and replacement of some bone to inable her to walk straight.  He says she will never be 100%, as arthritis has already set in, but he can give her 85-90% full use with no pain.  This is the best I can ask for.  I love her so much and she is really starting to settle in at her new home and loves going to the puppy park on Sat & Sun and visiting the local organic dog food store.

 

 

In all this drama my diet has gone to crap.  But happily I got on the scale the other day and had only put 5 of the 20lbs I had lost back on.  Now it is time to start again…..back on the diet and time to start working out too.  I can do this….Sava, Parker, and now Chloe need me to be healthy and active for them.  I can do this!!!

 

 

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Toodles :0)

 

 

 

Has it been a week really!?!?!?!?!?! August 10, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 10:49 am

I can’t believe that it has already been a week since I lasted posted.  And this is going to be a very short post as well.  I have a lot going on in life right now and I am not ready to discuss it yet.  I am going to try and do a few more posts this week though to at least keep a running total of what is going on with the food aspect of my transformation.  I haven’t been super stringent with my diet, but I have definitley gotten into a rhythm with my food choices and seem to be getting more relaxed with it. I weighed in this morning and I am down another 3.1 lbs from last week ….WOOHOO!!!

 

:)

 

SW:330.2

CW:327.1

 

Very close to my first goal of 325.  I am hoping to hit that before a trip that I have to make next Thursday. (I will give you the inside scoop on that once I get back)

 

Toodles :)

 

Exercised for the first time yesterday….. August 3, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 9:37 am

So….I finally felt as though I could get out and do a little cardio.  I leashed up the dogs and set out to do a double loop around the block.  Walked a mile total and was sweating like a beast when I got back.  But miraculously I did not have any pain in my leg or ankle the this morning.  That is very unusual since it is the one I shattered 10 years ago that has been repaired using screws in multiple surgeries.  I felt really good after too and talked myself into situps and pushups to boot!! 

 

I am excited that the weekend is finally here and I am looking forward to cleaning my house and getting to the park with the dogs.  I would really like to buck up the courage and go see “Mr. Grey”, but I just don’t think I can yet. We haven’t spoken since yesterday and I am feeling a little out of sorts about it still.  I had a great response on my previous entry and I am going to try and work through this, but my mind is going in all different directions.

 

Speaking of messed up minds….As of two weeks ago I have cut off all contact with my mother.  No more money to her, no more phone calls, no texts.  I just can’t do it anymore.  I feel like I have spent half my life trying to pay her back for adopting me and getting me out of a crap situation, but I am coming to realize that shouldn’t be something I have to do….and even if it were….I HAVE DONE ENOUGH!!!

 

My eating has been totally off for the last few days as I have not had time to go to the grocery store, but I am going to get over there today or first thing in the morning and make sure I have a fully stocked fridge going into this coming week.  I am almost out of cereal too, but I noticed that it is on sale at Kroger this week….woohoo!!!  I am going to sit down and make a list in a minute so that I am sure I don’t forget anything and so I don’t buy anything that I don’t need.  Can’t forget garbage bags again!!

 

 

Toodles :)

 

Freaking Irritating!!! August 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 1:24 pm

Today has not been the greatest of days.  I woke up feeling like crap and I am sure it’s because my eating was off all weekend and my body didn’t want what I put in it on Monday.  Then I go get a grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo from McDonald’s which is approx. 250 calories and on my way back in the person I work with yells out, in front of a client, “ANDREA!!!  Don’t think I don’t see that.  Your not supposed to be eating that!!”  You know…..my business is my business and it is embarassing to be called out by a co-worker in front of a client just because she knows I am dieting and thinks she can.  She didn’t even know what I had in the bag, but felt it neccessary to degrade me in front of a person we do business with.

 

Then to make matters worse I was feeling really alone and sent a text message to my “Christian Grey”.  I man that at one point told me how much he loved me and even said he wanted to marry me, but now seems hell bent on making me miserable.  We met when I was in college and had a amazing physical relationship.  The kind that makes you see stars and fireworks. We would talk for hours on end about our lives and all the things we had in common. I haven’t seen him in person in 15 years. I have moved all over the country and we have always kept in touch, but now that I work half a mile from his house he seems to have forgotten that I even exist. I never hear from him and I am too disgusted with my appearance to go knock on his door.  I can’t get it out of my head that he has probably seen me around town and is grossed out. My feelings of rejection have hit an all time high and I am struggling to make it through the day. I should have known he wouldn’t text me back.  Why is it that I am attracted to the men that I know are going to detroy me and bring me down?  Why am I still in love with him?

 

 

-Girl With The Broken Heart ;’(

 

 

8/2/2012……Update:   Heard from my Mr. Grey just now.  He had to have a pace maker installed…I knew he was having some problems, but i didn’t know the extent of them. :(

This is a man that runs marathons and was always in perfect health….I just can’t believe it.

 

SPAM & My Blog July 31, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 11:11 am

Seriously?!?!?!  I have had it up to my armpits with all of you spammers!!!  Stay off my blog.  I am going to keep marking you as spam and you are only wasting your time and mine by continuing to try and post comments on my blog.  Do yourself a favor and KNOCK IT OFF!!

 

Toodles :)

 

7/23/2012 & prior… July 23, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 1:31 pm

Fell off the wagon this weekend and feel like crap today.  Lost 3.4 lbs last week which is great, but I can definately tell a difference when I eat crappy food now.  Haven’t talked to my mom in a week and that is a little worrisome, but for right now I think it is best that I don’t talk to her at all. 

 

One awesome note is that with all the water I am drinking, my nails look awesome.  They are so much healthier than they ever have been and I can only contribute that to my diet.  I have to go shopping tonight for a birthday present….ughhhhhh.  Hate going out right after work.  Oh well.

 

Toodles :)

 

7/19/2012 July 19, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 10:16 am

I am feeling a little frisky today.  Motivated and happy.  Things have been going good with my getting healthy.  Can’t say the same for everything else, but in reality all I am really worried about right now is getting into shape and getting this weight off.  Business is kinda slow right now and I have not had that many leads work out, but that will pick up so, I hope!  I haven’t talked to my mom since she drunk called me at work on Monday…..and that is probably a good thing because I doubt I could be pleasant with her.  Sava & Parker have been stuck in the house for the last two weeks while Parker is recovering from her upper respritory infection……BUT!!!  she is done with her antibiotics soon and we will be hitting the dog park this weekend so they can hang out with their buddies and we can get some good exercise in. 

 

Let’s see, what else is going on,  I resigned my lease on my house for another year.  I wish my place were bigger, but for the price & the back yard I can’t really beat it.  I am really hoping to get another dog at the beginning of the year, once Parker has matured some more, and it is the perfect place to puppy proof & house break.  It has been kinda sad without little Foster the past several weeks and Sava plays with Parker, but he is 6 yrs old and can’t keep up with her all the time.  Today I meet the most beautiful Akita that was walking by my office.  She was typical Akita and wanted to meet me on her own terms, but it was amazing and just made me miss Keiko alot too.  We’ll see.

 

Anywho,  hope everyone is having a great week!!!  Talk to you Later.

 

Toodles :)

 

7/18/2012….ughhhhh July 18, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 2:32 pm

I know….I know….its been three days since my last post.  I was feeling rather crappy after all the stuff that went on last week. Then my will power caved on Saturday and I hate ate to Corn Dogs from Sonic.  420 wasted calories….but they sure tasted good.   In reality that isn’t so bad considering that just two weeks ago I had a meal at sonic that was 2160 calories.  I am back on the straight and narrow though and can’t wait to start really seeing this weight drop.  Sadly I also found out that my scale wasn’t reading correctly and I am 10 lbs heavier than I thought.  Talk about the air out of an already deflated balloon.

 

So, my current weight is 339 lbs…not 329…which means to hit my christmas goal I need to average about 3.43 lbs per work.  I think this is do-able if I buckle down and stick to my calories and fat grams.  I also need to pick up my water intake again and start walking more.  I am motivated and over last weeks hump so lets get started!!!!

 

 

Toodles :o)

 

Is this really my life???? Seriously?!?!?!?! July 15, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 5:32 pm

My mother is an alcoholic.

 

She wasn’t when I was growing up.  She waited until someone was old enough to take care of her before she dropped that little bomb on us.    My parents split up almost 20 years ago, but for some reason my mother just can’t seem to get passed that or any other sh*tty thing that has happened in her life.  And the first time she is ever out living on her own without a man or children to take care of …what does she do???  She picks up a bottle-of-vodka-a-day habit.  Now when I say a bottle…I don’t mean a little bottle.  I mean a fifth.  She is not a big girl either so all of this drinking has basically destroyed her body. 

 

Six months into her little tantrum I moved to colorado to help her get sober, that was mistake #1.  After a couple of stints in the ER with dt’s and one scarey trip due to some grand-mal seizures she suprised me with, she finally said she had stopped.  I believed her, that was mistake #2.  She had just switched to rum.  At this point she checked into rehab, but it was only a 7 day program.  At this point I figured out what my third and biggest mistake was…..thinking that I could ever fix her.

 

During my two years in Colorado I saw her do things that scared me to death.  Things that had she been caught she would have been arrested or worse.  I keep waiting for the day when I get the call that she has killed herself…or worse…someone else.  The fights that we got into were vicious, they were full of hate, they were heartbreaking.  So many time I found myself holding back, doing everything I could not to pack my stuff and leave.  It just wasn’t thaty easy considering I had moved my entire household and 4 dogs up there.  Finally though I’d had enough.  I found a job here in Memphis and my dad helped me escape.  I left her on good terms thinking that once I was gone I would never speak to her again.  She cried and cried.  I just wanted to scream at her about all the horrible lies I had heard her telling people on the phone.  About how awful I was to her and how she didn’t have a drinking problem, that I was making all that up.  

 

 I think the worst day of my life came shortly before I moved.  Keiko, my 13 yr old Akita, had been getting pretty sick.  The tumor in her mouth grew more and more everyday.  I had scheduled the appointment to end her suffering.  A few days before “the day”  my mom’s phone started beeping and I grabbed it thinking it needed to be plugged in, but there was a strange text from my ex-stepdad about keiko.  i didn’t understand so I opened it up.  To my horror it was in response to a text that my mom had sent him saying “I will be so glad when she puts this dog down.  I am sick and tired of all the hair”.  Now….this would not have ultimately hurt me as bad as it did if my mother hadn’t gone to the vet with me and used my beloved Keiks as an excuse to get out of work and drink.  She was always saying how she thought of Keiko as her dog too.  I was devastated that she did all this.  Also…..that text from the ex…….they referred to me as the b*tch that wouldn’t leave.  That was my breaking point.

 

So now I am in Memphis….she is in colorado.  I would get these crazy drunken calls from time to time.  Sometimes she was normal.  She is always complaining about Colorado & her health.  Well, maybe if you hadn’t drank yourself to near death you would be so sick.  So, thursday while I am in class my phone starts blowing up with calls from my mom, then my sister, then my dad (who lives with his wife in GA).  Come to find out the woman has gone crazy.  Says she is abandoing her house, all of her stuff, and moving in with a friend in southern VA…WTF!?!?!?!  I finally call her back at the end of class and she is drunk…of course.  I tell her that it is her decision and she can do what she wants.  I ask her not to leave our family photos behind.  She says “why….they are just garbage, there is no family.”  At this point I lost it…..I mean really lost and then hung up.

 

I know this is not diet related, but I really needed to vent a little.  In trying to fight my own demons, this one keeps rearing it’s ugly head.  I love her so much, but there is just nothing I can do anymore.  thanks for listening.

 

Much Love!!

 

7/12 & 7/13…..This is going to take two posts to get through!! July 14, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — reborn2shine @ 2:20 pm

thursday….sh*t hit the fan

 

friday…..couldn’t get through the sh*t from thursday

 

I will talk about my drama in another post, but as for the rest of it.  Thursday I had another day in class with lunch being served in the class.  I ended up having a salad, green beens, corn, and a very small meice of strawberry shortcake.  It wasn’t that bad, but then again I have no idea what it was cooked with.  Being off my diet obviously showed on the scale this morning as my weight loss was only 3 lbs.  Now I know some of you are screaming at me right now for dissing 3 lbs, but you have to remember that I lost basically 11 lbs last week and when you weigh as much as I do 6 lbs(which was my goal) should be a cinch.  It Wasn’t!!!!

 

Friday I tried to get back onto my diet and had a great salad for lunch from the Holiday Ham.  Dinner I had turkey hotdogs….tasted kinda bland, but served the purpose of my craving.  Still have not has fast food in two weeks and am very excited about that.  Have only gone to Starbucks once and didn’t add any sugar at all to my tea.  I just have to keep going!!!

 

 

:) Toodles

 

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