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My Christian Grey Obsession…… July 31, 2012

Filed under: Important Sh*t — reborn2shine @ 12:10 pm

I know this is supposed to be a blog about weight loss.  That being said I think that these books push me towards losing weight and getting into great shape…….so…..I will blog on

 :)

 

Everyone was talking about these books.  I had never heard of them, but with all the hype I thought “why not”.  I get on amazon and order all three books because I got a deal.  I decided to wait until the weekend to start reading them, but with all the craziness going on last week I needed a little me time with a good book, so I started on Thrusday night.  By Sunday morning I had finished the first two books and last night I finished book three.  I was beside myself with how amazing these books were, and I am not talking about all the sex…..although that was an added bonus. 

 

So many things in Christian’s early life mirror my early life.  The abuse, the adoption, the fear of touch, the feeling of being unloved & unwanted, the feeling of needing control and not having it.  In an extreme moment of clarity I realized that this character and I are one in the same.  We have different coping mechanisms…..his is sexual dominance & mine is food dominance.  I grew up to control the only thing I felt I could and that was food.  And just like Christian’s sexual dominance became a hinderance for him, my food dominance has become one for me.  I can’t tell you how many times I cried reading these novels as I kept seeing more and more of myself.

 

Falling in love and being love in return changed Christian’s life.  It changed the way he thought about himself, I think that this blog and my ever dropping waist line will help me change my life.  I want so badly to be the object of someones desire, to be the center of someone’s universe and their reason for waking up smiling every morning.  I know that people should love you for who you are regardless of whether you are skinny or fat, but how can I expect someone to be passionately in love with me when I don’t even like myself.  The day I look in the mirror and realize that I am everything I want to be is the day that I can open myself up to love with the man of my dreams.  And that may be after 10lbs, 30lbs, or 100lbs….but it will happen.  I am sure of it.

 

E.L. James…..I will never be able to thank you enough for helping me to see myself and face my own demons. It took 30 years for me to admit the abuse and fear I faced to myself and another 5 years to let it go and that is because of these books.  You are my inspiration and my weight lose muse.  And I hope that once I hit my goal ”Self” that there will be someone there for me to play with as Ana & Christian had each other. 

 

Course I would be a lot easier to pick up if I weighed about 160lbs less ;)

 

Love Ya’ll

 

One quick after thought….as I was reading the book I noticed a trend in the music.  I have 80 percent of the songs mention on my ipod as well…..I WAS SHOCKED!!!  Listing to the ipod while i was reading those scenes definitely brought them more to life for me.  Glad to know that I am not the only one with extremely  eclectic taste.  This morning I was listening to Sex on Fire while on the tread mill and at work today i was listening to Chopin Prelude in E minor while catching up on quotes.  E.L……are you sure we are not related??!!??!!

 

 

 

CHUB RUB BEWARE!!!! July 7, 2012

Filed under: Important Sh*t — reborn2shine @ 7:04 pm

Okay!!  So this is going to be a TMI post and I apologize in advance. Seriously……read it, don’t read it, it’s entirely up to you, but I feel compelled to share this with the people of the world.  So here goes…….

 

Even before I was overweight I always had big boobs and with the girls comes many trials and tribulations.  The worst of these is a condition which a lot of us affectionately refer to as “Chub Rub”  aka heat rash.  This is when skin touches skin and through heat and moisture it creates a rash that can be both annonying & painful.  This usually occurs under the boobs, in between the thighs, or underneath little “fluff rolls” ( I hate the word fat….can you tell?).  The most common time  for this to happen is during the summer when it is hot & humid.  The place  I always get this is under “my girls”.  If you have read any of my posts in the last few days you will know that the a/c has been out at my office and since we have a loft style metal roof the place is like a cooker by 3 in the afternoon topping out at 95 degrees last friday.  Well, this has created the worst case of the rub that I have ever had.  As far as treatment goes I had never really done any research.  I have been using diaper rash medication as I thought that was the only option.  But as any of you who have babies (which I don’t) know…this is a messy solution that really isn’t a solution.  It is white and can bleed through material, it gets everywhere, and heaven help you if you don’t get it off your hands and then accidently touch your eyes……OUCH!!!!!  Anywho….this time even the baby shit wasn’t working.  I tried a different brand, I tried three different kinds of powder, I tried cornstarch…..I mean I literally tried everything, but even with washing the area every hour and letting it air dry it was only getting worse and starting to really hurt BAD!!!  Then I was doing some research and came accross a product ” Monistat Anti-Chafing Gel Powder”.  I have never heard of this before and am always skeptical of things I read about online.  But several forums were talking about it so I thought….why not.  I drove up to the local CVS before I went home from work and found a tube….$8 dollars!!!  This crap better work!!!  It isn’t that large of a tube and I was starting to get concerned.  But, again, what did I have to lose except $8 bucks and some time.  I immediately went home and crawled into a luke warm shower, making sure to gently wash the areas very well to get all the baby junk off.  Once that was done I used a blow dryer on the cold setting to get the area good and dry…..air drying is probably best, but I didn’t have the patience.  Once the area was good and dry i opened the tube.  At first I freaked out because what came out did NOT look like gel….it looked like water and I thought there is no way that this is right.  Then I realized that it was just like a squeeze thing of mustard that always has that water look at first if you don’t shake it up well.  So, I closed the tube and shook it……BINGO!!  I squeezed out a dime size because the forums all said that a little goes a long ways and began to apply…..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh instant relief.  There was some residual itchiness, but the difference was night & day.  The feeling is totally weird too.  It feels like gel going on but when it drys it feels like silk powder.   So, this was last night….I get up this morning and go to check my inflamed, raw skin and what do I find……..HEAVEN!!!!   The wounds have shrunk by half and the redness has also gone down by half…..in ONE NIGHT!!!….I couldn’t believe it…I still can’t.  This is my new favorite product and the tube should probably last a full month during the summer with everyday use.  I can’t believe that I finally found a answer to one of the MOST embarrassing parts of being a “big girl” or a “big guy” (cause ya’ll can use it too).  I will never be the same again.  I think the best part is that I have never wanted to be intimate with a man, especially in the summer, because of this problem.  I mean, how do you explain away the 2 cups of diaper rash cream under your boobs and between your thighs…GROSS!!!  But with this….all I feel is soft, ultra smooth skin….it literally feels like silk…I LOVE THIS PRODUCT!!!  And even after my weight loss I will still want to have big boobs, because I love the way they make me feel, so this product will be with me for life.  BLESS YOU MONISTAT!!

 

ps…..

 

As if those benefits weren’t enough.  It can also be used as a makeup primer.  I sh*t you not!!

 

Toodles :o)

 

 BTW….Did i mention I LOVE THIS PRODUCT!!!