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01/12/13….And so it begins again…New Year/New Me January 12, 2013

Filed under: Daily Check In, Melissas Moody Moments — reborn2shine @ 11:01 am

I restarted my journey this morning.  I feel like I have spent the last two months in a haze of dog surgeries and issues with irritating co-workers, then the holidays hit and grrrrrrrrr.  I started fresh this morning…..and how fresh was it you ask!?!?!

TOTALLY FRESH!!!  I started this morning with a 6 am workout at 24 Hour Fitness.  That’s right kiddos this fat chick bit the bullet and joined a gym(last month & have been going steadily until the holidays).  In order to fund this little project I got rid of the movie channels on my direct tv. So…..no more skinemax and way more working out.  I figure that if all goes well I will be able to make my own “skinemax” in no time at all {wink wink}

I am heading to the supermarket here shortly to do some serious prep work for the week.  My loving sister got me a new cooler bag to take my lunches in to work and a state of the art crock pot to do some healthy cooking in and I am dying to try it out.  I found a healthy chilli recipe that is to die for and with the weather being so cruddy this is the perfect time for it.

On a serious note……My mental health has been suffering as of late. I looked in the mirror the other day and just started crying.  I am disgusted with myself.  I feel like I have missed my shot at happiness because no man is going to want to take the time to fall in love with my personality because all they can see up from is a disgusting fat girl who obviously doesn’t respect herself enough to get healthy.  I am 36 years old and I can barely stand to look at myself let alone have a man look at me.  Then I started getting scared about the pink elephant in the room that is screaming at me……so, what if you loose all the weight….great….then you will be a saggy elephant too.  I am scared of being more disgusted by myself then than I am now.  And I know that this is no excuse….I know that this is about my health and my life, but I don’t want to be ugly, not after I have worked so hard.   These are just a few of my issues right now.  Working through them is going to be a long and scarey path, but I am ready.

This morning I walked up hill for 1.25 miles and then biked for 4 miles.  I know it isn’t that much, but it is a good start.

Oh….and I got a laptop so, now I don’t have to wait to be at work if I want to get something off my chest.  Thanks for always being there you guys….I know that we are all going through this journey together and we can do it!!

Much Love,

Me

ps….Just in case anyone was wondering about my”Mr. Grey”…..Haven’t heard from him in months and months.  Little bit heart broken, but somewhat relieved.

 

07/25/2012….carbs were my enemy yesterday July 25, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 1:17 pm

Yesterday was like a frickin carb fest of death.  I don’t think I could get anymore in me if I had tried.  Subway is far better than the other fast food choices our there, but even the 9 grain whole what still has a butt ton of carbs in it.  So, I got a foot long and had half for lunch and half for dinner and that was a grand total of 104 carbs…..HOLY SH*T!!!!  Calories of course were super low, but the carbs can be kinda scarey.  I was still under my recommended calorie intake for the day which is good….I had a deficite of 1752 which would be about half a pound.  My goal is a 1500-1700 deficit per day to give me a loss of 3-4 lbs per week here in the beginning.  The junk food I put in my body this weekend didn’t help with that, but now that I am back on track and using my FitDay journal I am able to log better.  The only negative thing about the journal is that I have to manually enter most of the food that I eat because the aren’t in the system.  That will get easier though as I tend to bounce around a lot of the same foods , so eventually they will all be in the system. 

 

IT IS HOT TODAY!!!

 but i am still gonna try and work out :)

 

7/9/12 & 7/10/12….Bad Melissa!!! Didn’t Blog!!! Very Bad!!!! July 10, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 10:54 am

Yeah Yeah…..I missed an entire day of posting, but in my defense it was Monday.  And Monday’s in an insurance office are like Friday nights in a bar…..Your busier then hell and someone is gonna get screwed before your shift is over.  TAH DAH!!!!!

 

So, now that I am back on track lets talk about the last two days.  I have been eating right and working on my water intake, but my mood has been crappy and I was laying in bed last night when it hit me.  Yesterday was the 1 month anniversary of losing little Foster.  I know that it may seem weird to some people to get so emmotional over a dog, but they are like my children and I put all that I am into them.  And when it is their time to go I feel like I have lost everything.  I will work through this and I will recover…..it just takes time.  Sava & Parker will help me through it…my time at the park with them has become something I look forward to all week.  Once the vet bill gets paid off I will have a little extra gas money and am going to try and take them a few times during the week also.  They will love it. 

 

Now let’s talk about the next two days.  I am very worried.  I have to go to a class that is going to run two days and they are having lunch brought in to us.  There isn’t a place to store your own food and I am scared to death that I am going to make the wrong choices.  I think I am going to take one of my bigger purses with me and pre-make a bunch of stuff that doesn’t have to be refridgerated and just pass on the lunch they serve.  Last time I went to one of these classes it was all southern foods, fried & fattening.  Plus they always put out this table of desserts that can add 20lbs if you get close enough to smell them.  NO THANKS!!!  I may get laughed at too with my big gallon of water, but that is the only way I know I am staying on track. 

 

The laptop will be coming with me to this class and I will make sure to do nightly updates so that I don’t stray off course again.   And now I would like to leave you with something I heard my imaginary friend Max say the other day:

 

” I have a switch that turns off my emotions.

That’s right I have two switches in my life

One turns off my emptions and the other

has the power to make a car bounce”

:o)~  (I love 2 Broke Girls)

 

 

Toodles :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7/8/12….house cleaning day. July 8, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 5:39 pm

Not going to write to much today…kinda tired.  The pups and I hit the park at about 7:30 am for a couple of hours and then came home and started house cleaning.  floor is vaccumed, dishes are done, trash is collected and laundry is about to be started.  Feeling sort of run down and sad today.  Had such a great week, but feel like I could have done more with my weekend.  Just keep telling myself 2-3 lbs per week….thats all I need to do.  That is very doable when you weigh 332 lbs…..I can’t get down on myself….I must stay pumped.  Talk to you guys tomorrow.

 

 

Toodles.

 

7/7/12….Broccoli has become my enemy July 7, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 5:44 pm

Today is a low carb day so, I am filling my meals with tons of fresh veggies that I love.  I have always loved broccoli, one of my favorites.  But I had some raw fresh, cleaned broccoli today and developed the worst case of gas you could ever imagine.  OMG Tums to the rescue.  I never wanted to be one of those women in the “beano” commercials, but it looks like I am not going to have a choice.  I was in the bed for two hours with a bloated gassy stomach…..bleh!!!  Lesson Learned!

 

Went to the park with the puppies this morning and the local organic healthy pet store was having a flea & tick awareness day, so we scored some really cool crap, including a month of Advantix for each…that was kinda cool.  Sweated my butt off and then came home and have been working on work stuff ever since.  I have a chicken breast marinating which I am going to pan sear and serve over salad for dinner tonight……I CAN’T WAIT TILL TOMORROW & I CAN HAVE A POTATO!!!!!  :0)

 

 

Toodles

 

 

 

7/6/12…WEIGH IN DAY!!! July 6, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 11:37 am

I woke up feeling very nervous about my weigh in.  I went to use the bathroom, hoping to lose another oz or 2 (giggle).  Then I climbed on to the scale and what did she say you ask?!?!?!?!

 

332 lbs !!!!

 

ROCK ON ME!!!   That is 7lbs in the first week.  Now I know some is going to be water weight, but who the hell cares!?!?!?  7lbs!!!!  Now I just have to keep it going.  Today was cheat day and indulged in some chinese, but we ordered from a different place and when it got here you could actually see the oil floating on top of the dish.  I was grossed out. ( Note to self:  Never order chinese take out from a place where the delivery driver looks like the lead singer from ZZ Top…..I am serious)……….. I ate a little because I was starving, but then a final bite of a seafood dish put me over the edge and I lost my stomach in the office sink.  I guess (despite being totally gross) that this is a good thing.  It means that my body is changing and not accepting those horrible fats anymore.  I am going to have to be super careful in the future because the one thing I truly hate is being sick at my stomach…BLEH!!!

 

YAHHHHH!!!!!  It’s the weekend.  So ready for some good park time with the dogs.  I know they are ready too. 

Toodles :)

 

7/5/2012……Weigh in Tomorrow!! July 5, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 2:29 pm

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I am extremely nervous.  I know I did far better this week than I have any other week in my life.  I ate healthy.  No fried foods.  I watch my carb intake with only good non-refined carbs going in.  But I am still very nervous.  I haven’t been getting my water in as well as I should have the past few days, but I am still drinking for more than I used to & definately have cut my soda intake by 75%…..

 

Once again the air is out at work it is now 89 and counting.  These are sweat shop conditions that completely throw me off.  My water has picked up today but of course I am now off my food again.  How hard is it to get a air conditioner that works properly?!?!?!?!  All the sweating is making the skin under my boobs raw.  I use all kinds of powder, baby rash ointment, xinc-oxide…..but there seems to be no cure when you have to sit in your own sweat with a bra rubbing you raw day after day…..MEN SUCK!!!  Yes…I said it.  But they do.  They don’t have to deal with this sh*t.  And they really don’t care that we do…..the boss believes that we should just work through it…..okay….”TELL THAT TO MY GIRLS!!!!”   Arghhhhhh….

 

I am so pissy and aggrevated today….I can definately tell that my body is changing…..what i wouldn’t give for a swirl ice cream waffle cone from Checkers…  ;’(

 

Laters

 

7/4/2012 July 4, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 8:27 am

Got up this morning feeling pumped for a few reasons.  First….NO WORK TODAY CAUSE IT IS INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!  Woohoo…Second…it is high carb day.  I love high carb days because I am finding it really difficult to come up with new and exciting meals that don’t have carbs.  They have all these recipes on the “Reshape America” website.  But I am such a picky eater that most of them would never make it into my house.  So, carb days are great because I can use whole grain tortillas and make wraps or breakfast burritos….I can also have more potatoes which I love.  Third reason for being pumped is that I got to take the fur-kids to the park this morning.  They had so much fun and I got my “sweat” on for about an hour (always rehydrating with my trusty purple water bottle).

 

So, here is my to-do list for the day.  I need to clean the kitchen and get the dishes done from food prepping yesterday, I need to finish up the laundry that I started but didn’t have time to finish before work, I need to get a good 30 minutes of cardio in (possibly a little yoga too), and then I am going to prepare some food for the next couple of days.

 

Meals today:

 

Breakfast:  Kashi Autumn Wheat Cereal, one turkey sausage patty

Mid Morning:  Turkey Wrap w/Mustard & 2 slices of of thin 40 calorie provolone

Lunch:  Turkey Burger(extra lean ground turkey) on whole grain thin bun w/ Mustard, Lettuce, Tomato, & side salad

Mid Afternoon:  Hard boiled egg, celerey & Fiber One bar

Dinner:  Salad with cajun baked chicken and lite balsamic vinegrette

I love that this diet lets me eat all day…..plus I cheated a little and peeked at the scale last night…..OMG…kinda happy right now….but can’t give you the results till Friday!!!

 

Toodles :)

 

7/3/2012……I Freaking Rock!!!! July 3, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 4:11 pm

So……today started off crazy and I may have a concussion courtesy of a wasp that caused me to slam my head against my truck door.  Anywho….Work was nuts.  I don’t think the phone stopped ringing once all day, but luckily I was able to get most of my meals in and on time.  i am, however, behind on my water intake so I think it is going to be a “10 trips to the bathroom to pee” night. 

 

Now!!!  For the good part.  We ordered lunch in today from McAlisters and I was scared to death because I didn’t know what to get.  I was allowed 2 cups of carbs, 2 cups of protein, veggies, and 2 tblspoons of a fat.  I went through the menu over and over again and used the nutritional calculator on their website and was able to make some creat choices.  I went with their “choose 2″ option and got a small garden salad with lite balsamic vinegrette & a grilled chicken spud.  Now get this, by removing croutons and cheese from both items at the time I ordered it I was able to reduce the calories from 560 to 360 & the fat grams from 15 to 0.5!!!!  .5 GRAMS OF FAT!!!! HOW FREAKING AMAZEBALLS IS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!  I was so proud of myself.  And this was a good amount of food.  I was totally full by the time I was done……YES, Virginia there is a Santa Clause!!!  WOOHOO…..gotta go get my dinner ready….back in a bit. :)

 

07/02/2012 July 2, 2012

Filed under: Daily Check In — reborn2shine @ 8:10 am

Still don’t have air condtioning in the house, so I woke up this morning to 89 degrees in my living room.  Not very good considering that is where I do my working out in the morning.  The dogs are miserable, I am miserable, and I am ready to kill my property manager.  I hope they don’t expect me to pay my rent today with a smile on my face.  Cause that just ain’t gonna happen.

Breakfast this morning was somewhat of a suprise.  I had the new Kashi “Autumn Wheat”  and it was quite good.  I am usually not a Kashi fan because to me it screams of cardboard, but i really liked it. 

I am following the “Reshape America” carb cycling plan.  This seems like a good choice for me as it should help take the weight off without throwing my body into shut-down & store mode, which has always been my problem in the past.  Plus……added bonus…..Chris Powell runs Reshape America and he is the perfect eye candy to keep my spirits up everyday.

 

Snack time is in 40 mins and I am looking forward to some tuna w/ lemon & some sliced peppers with a whole wheat tortilla…..AND THAT’S JUST THE SNACK!!!!

 

I am having Garlic Chicken and whole grain poasta for lunch…that should be pretty awesome too.

 

I will check in later to let you know how they day is going.

 

Toodles :)

 

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