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01/12/13….And so it begins again…New Year/New Me January 12, 2013

Filed under: Daily Check In, Melissas Moody Moments — reborn2shine @ 11:01 am

I restarted my journey this morning.  I feel like I have spent the last two months in a haze of dog surgeries and issues with irritating co-workers, then the holidays hit and grrrrrrrrr.  I started fresh this morning…..and how fresh was it you ask!?!?!

TOTALLY FRESH!!!  I started this morning with a 6 am workout at 24 Hour Fitness.  That’s right kiddos this fat chick bit the bullet and joined a gym(last month & have been going steadily until the holidays).  In order to fund this little project I got rid of the movie channels on my direct tv. So…..no more skinemax and way more working out.  I figure that if all goes well I will be able to make my own “skinemax” in no time at all {wink wink}

I am heading to the supermarket here shortly to do some serious prep work for the week.  My loving sister got me a new cooler bag to take my lunches in to work and a state of the art crock pot to do some healthy cooking in and I am dying to try it out.  I found a healthy chilli recipe that is to die for and with the weather being so cruddy this is the perfect time for it.

On a serious note……My mental health has been suffering as of late. I looked in the mirror the other day and just started crying.  I am disgusted with myself.  I feel like I have missed my shot at happiness because no man is going to want to take the time to fall in love with my personality because all they can see up from is a disgusting fat girl who obviously doesn’t respect herself enough to get healthy.  I am 36 years old and I can barely stand to look at myself let alone have a man look at me.  Then I started getting scared about the pink elephant in the room that is screaming at me……so, what if you loose all the weight….great….then you will be a saggy elephant too.  I am scared of being more disgusted by myself then than I am now.  And I know that this is no excuse….I know that this is about my health and my life, but I don’t want to be ugly, not after I have worked so hard.   These are just a few of my issues right now.  Working through them is going to be a long and scarey path, but I am ready.

This morning I walked up hill for 1.25 miles and then biked for 4 miles.  I know it isn’t that much, but it is a good start.

Oh….and I got a laptop so, now I don’t have to wait to be at work if I want to get something off my chest.  Thanks for always being there you guys….I know that we are all going through this journey together and we can do it!!

Much Love,

Me

ps….Just in case anyone was wondering about my”Mr. Grey”…..Haven’t heard from him in months and months.  Little bit heart broken, but somewhat relieved.