My Christian Grey Obsession…… July 31, 2012
I know this is supposed to be a blog about weight loss. That being said I think that these books push me towards losing weight and getting into great shape…….so…..I will blog on
Everyone was talking about these books. I had never heard of them, but with all the hype I thought “why not”. I get on amazon and order all three books because I got a deal. I decided to wait until the weekend to start reading them, but with all the craziness going on last week I needed a little me time with a good book, so I started on Thrusday night. By Sunday morning I had finished the first two books and last night I finished book three. I was beside myself with how amazing these books were, and I am not talking about all the sex…..although that was an added bonus.
So many things in Christian’s early life mirror my early life. The abuse, the adoption, the fear of touch, the feeling of being unloved & unwanted, the feeling of needing control and not having it. In an extreme moment of clarity I realized that this character and I are one in the same. We have different coping mechanisms…..his is sexual dominance & mine is food dominance. I grew up to control the only thing I felt I could and that was food. And just like Christian’s sexual dominance became a hinderance for him, my food dominance has become one for me. I can’t tell you how many times I cried reading these novels as I kept seeing more and more of myself.
Falling in love and being love in return changed Christian’s life. It changed the way he thought about himself, I think that this blog and my ever dropping waist line will help me change my life. I want so badly to be the object of someones desire, to be the center of someone’s universe and their reason for waking up smiling every morning. I know that people should love you for who you are regardless of whether you are skinny or fat, but how can I expect someone to be passionately in love with me when I don’t even like myself. The day I look in the mirror and realize that I am everything I want to be is the day that I can open myself up to love with the man of my dreams. And that may be after 10lbs, 30lbs, or 100lbs….but it will happen. I am sure of it.
E.L. James…..I will never be able to thank you enough for helping me to see myself and face my own demons. It took 30 years for me to admit the abuse and fear I faced to myself and another 5 years to let it go and that is because of these books. You are my inspiration and my weight lose muse. And I hope that once I hit my goal “Self” that there will be someone there for me to play with as Ana & Christian had each other.
Course I would be a lot easier to pick up if I weighed about 160lbs less 😉
One quick after thought….as I was reading the book I noticed a trend in the music. I have 80 percent of the songs mention on my ipod as well…..I WAS SHOCKED!!! Listing to the ipod while i was reading those scenes definitely brought them more to life for me. Glad to know that I am not the only one with extremely eclectic taste. This morning I was listening to Sex on Fire while on the tread mill and at work today i was listening to Chopin Prelude in E minor while catching up on quotes. E.L……are you sure we are not related??!!??!!