I haven’t been accomplishing much other than losing control since I have been away…but I am not worrying about that…  I am also not worrying about the scale upstairs that is just waiting for me to step on it and suck all the hope out of my day.  In fact…I’m not going to get on that scale for awhile…  I know that the number is bad…I can feel it in the heaviness of my abdomen that was really starting to shape up awhile ago with the twice a week pilates classes…  Well…since my falling out with the Y and the new pilates demon they hired I haven’t been to a class or done much of any ab work in ages…boy do you lose ground fast at this age!  Ugh!!  But, here is the thing, I have been struggling and fighting with myself and struggling some more.  My rides have dwindled…the couch has been my home lately…other than what is absolutely necessary to keep the world spinning.  I could wallow in all the things that I have let slide recently…or…I can just stand up and motor on.  What do you think?  I am finally on my feet again.  DH and I went to a formal event over the weekend and despite the weight that I know that I have gained I felt beautiful…and it was an amazing time…  We took pictures and I still felt beautiful…  I can do this…

I am awakening today…I am going to the gym today…I am going to take a Power Pump class followed by some yoga and it is going to be a fresh start…  I got up this morning and had a protein shake when all I really wanted to do was skip breakfast to feel lighter…it is already a start…

I am using an aromatherapy pendant these days to try to lighten my burdens…I don’t know if it will work but it certainly can’t hurt… I am still meditating twice a day…right now I am focusing on DHs healing, as he has another MRI coming up next month… I simply need to up my exercise again to get my motivation and endorphins flowing like they are supposed to…  I can do this…there is no reason not to right now…  My life is flowing easy…things could be so much worse…I need to stay present and enjoy every second of ease because life can turn on a dime and you pretty much have the choice of struggling and tiring yourself until you drown or float on the current and try to enjoy wherever you are dropped off…

I am still here people…still fighting…I am not giving in!!!