The weather here has been unbelievable!  Torrential downpours…high winds…flooding and mudslides…chaos and mayhem…  I guess it is sort of fitting…we have experienced a recent loss in our family and we are all feeling a little less than positive at the moment…  I am doing my best to continue with my program…taking care of my body and mind the best I can while feeling the sadness.  I think that is what was missing before…I think I always tended to run from the sadness…stuff it down…push it away…cover it under food or conflict.  Eat a whole bag of Oreo’s…you’ll feel better…until you don’t…you come to your senses…sick…ashamed…and full of even more self loathing…  Oreo’s were my “drug” of choice…though many other things substituted when they were not to be found.  Recently I picked up a bag of them to read the package…do you know what the first ingredient was?  Sugar.  Yup…the most plentiful ingredient in Oreo’s is sugar…  No wonder….  Now, it seems a lot of respected medical journal studies, universities etc are focusing on the effects of sugar on the brain.  It certainly makes me feel a little less of a freak! 

I am feeling really good physically and despite the recent upheaval I feel more stable than I have felt…oh well…EVER!!!  I had been slacking on the exercise for awhile while DH was home for a couple of weeks…this last week I have been to the Y for my regular classes and I have been using my elliptical and doing my stretches…meditating outside like I know that I need…  Basically doing everything possible to take care of myself and further my recovery.    I am holding my breath right now because recently my weight has started to budge a little bit…  You may or may not be aware that I have been dealing with a holding pattern…  166-163 has been my range now for what seems like a REEAALLY long time…  This morning I weighed in at 162!  Yes!!!  I have solved a little problem as well…recently meal times have been a little off…specifically dinner…DH has been later than usual getting home and that always messes with things…  Now, I don’t like to do more than one shake for a meal…(protein powder is not a replacement for real food!!)  Cottage cheese has a lot of protein…did you know that?  Yup it does…but I was getting awfully sick of eating it!  Now, I have taken to making a shake with it about 4:30…when I would usually reach for somethin less program friendly…  1 cup CC, some skim milk, about 3 or 4 fresh strawberries, some granola and ice and I am good to go!  I also don’t have to worry as much about the exact amount of protein in my meal because the cottage cheese have already given me a lot!  Wah lah…(or however you spell that!)

So…life is still good…I am grateful for a lot of things…  My weight may finally be coming down…and it is a beautiful rainy day…