Whew!  Feeling good today! Yup I am!!!  It has been a busy, productive day and I am really feeling quite good about that!  DH got up and moving a little earlier today, usually we lounge for about 30 mins…he calls me a demotivator…:)  I prefer snuggle inspirer!!!  

So, I had two pieces of  wheat toast and a cup of coffee…did my meditation and picked out a new playlist for the Ipod.  I got 50 mins in on the elliptical on level 6.  I previously worked on level 7 but after my extended time off I went down some on my fitness level and am now working it back up.  I listened to a comment my yoga teacher/Reiki practitioner told me awhile back.  She said that I respond really strongly to music.  That took a bit to sink in and see what that really meant.  You see, when we moved into our lovely new place and I got a new exercise room with a tv and everything I stopped using music to work out and I forgot how much music used to motivate, soothe, and excite me.  I got out of balance…too much tv…not enough music…not enough cardio to balance out the yoga…  I am out of balance, and apparently when that happens my energy level plummets.  I swear…lately I have felt like I was slogging through mud to even accomplish the most basic tasks…  Was this all that was lacking?  Balance?  Really?  Geesh!!!  So, I finished my cardio…did some yoga and ab work…some relaxation and deep breathing…and started my day with actual energy!!  I have done some laundry…went to the store…got a 100 on my Lesson 4 quiz and I still feel wonderful!  For lunch I had a protein shake, a bowl of veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, and baby carrots steamed in the rice cooker and sprinkled with garlic salt) and a rye roll with Earth Balance butter.  I had a cup of coffee with creamer but am now on to water…

So I guess it is true how quickly moods can pass…boy is that good news!

It has been awhile…and with good reason…the weight loss is not working.  In fact I am still sliding in the wrong direction.  I refuse to talk about it right now.  There are a lot of things going on and I am not being hard on myself I promise.  Some of it is I am simply not finding the motivation that I used to have to do my workouts.  I am going to yoga class three days a week. And it is wonderful…and helping me in all sorts of beautiful ways but despite that I am still eating too much crap and not moving enough and to add to all of that my body seems to have went into that lovely over 40 mode of holding on to every calorie and turning it into fat.   I also have the added challenge that every time I get my heart pounding real good it triggers a damn migraine!!!  Can you hear the frustration??!!!!  It sucks so bad that whenever I actually do get in the groove and start feeling it about an hour later boom…there is the head to remind me why it is a sucky idea. Luckily I have a pill now that does knock the pain which is a truly wonderful thing but it doesn’t solve the underlying problem does it?  I am so sick of weight creep it is not even funny. 

Also add to the mix…my best friend has apparently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and that was a severe shock…one minute we were talking like always and now…it is like talking to a slightly hostile zombie…it hurts so much…I love her and want to help and I don’t know how…  My Dad is still having cat scans for stomach cancer and we were supposed to get the results of his latest scan today but Mom was sick and so now it will be next week.

I am grumpy…  It was a good workout and food day and I am still grumpy.  Also I hate chest strap heart rate monitors!!  They suck!!!!!  And now I need to find a replacement for the crappy one that I have that doesn’t work and I just don’t want to deal with it! 

So…hope you all are doing better than I am with your goals…  I did 40 mins on the elliptical today…I went to yoga class…and I did a 45 min walk with DD after dinner…so I guess that is where it all begins…Day one…again…

This week has been extremely emotional and just plain hellish.  February 1st started it all with an emergency trip to the vet with DDs barely 3 month old guinea pig…we had only had him a month.  It turned out to be bacterial pneumonia which we could do nothing for…he had progressed so quickly to the point that the antibiotics did not have time to take effect…he couldn’t breathe even in the oxygen tank they put him in…we had to make the call…this was our DDs first guinea pig of her own and she only got to love him for one month…she is devastated and that breaks my already broken heart…then DH and her were on the way to buy a box to bury him in and a rock broke the windshield of his truck…then yesterday the movers that were bringing the couch that we were having shipped from my parents called 2 1/2 hours ahead of time instead of 24hrs and DH had to rush home from work to help get everything set up because my arm is still worthless and painful. It has to get better…

I am grateful for how much better other than my arm that I am feeling…the lemon water has truly been a miracle…I feel clear, I have been eating well (mostly) and I have been able to work out better than I have in months.  My body doesn’t feel full of lead and I just feel…lighter…

On that note…I guess I am lighter…181 pds this morning…which makes a loss of 2 pounds…I guess that will have to be my silver lining for this extremely gray week….

Woo hoo!  I am feeling good people!  A little over a week drinking the lemon water and I have enjoyed more energy in the past couple of days than I have felt in months….and months…  I can breathe!  I feel clear! I finished my lesson 4 quiz on Saturday with 100%.  I finally cleaned the oven that has been bothering for ages!  I feel amazing!!  I didn 45 mins on the elliptical yesterday…I did some yoga…I did a 30 sec plank…  :)  Things are going well…I am eating more veggies than I have eaten in a long time…I am loving it!!!  The scale is going to start moving…I know it!!!

So much has been happening…  Lots of stress and drs. appts…  I have a puzzling problem that I am still fighting with.  When I was practicing a bridge pose over a month ago (slowly getting back into my routine after a knee injury) I felt a twinge travel down my arm like when you bang your funny bone.  In typical me fashion I first ignored it…gave it rest and hoped it would go away…then I went to “massage therapist” I thought it was a regular massage but when I got there I realized I had booked a Reiki massage…which actually felt really wonderful at the time but didn’t help my problem.  Then, I ignored it some more… :)  Then I made an appt with the dr.  they ordered a neck xray and a mri for my increasingly intense and frequent migraines.  Now, I have piercings which makes it kind of a pain in the ass to keep these appts…and it took awhile to get the insurance clearance but I finally did get the required tests…I haven’t received the results yet but I should the beginning of the week.  I also booked a massage with a regular therapist…well, she was even better than a regular therapist because she used stones, acupressure, and had experience in a chiropractor’s office…she didn’t feel anything obviously out of place which is good.  Did I mention that she has training as a homeopath?  :)  It was the funniest thing, when she was checking my meridian lines she mentioned my liver function…I had received my bloodwork saying that very thing just the week before!  Coincidence? Maybe. Or maybe not.  She recommended lemon water and I have been doing that every day.  I have since done quite a bit of reading about lemon…specifically lemon water..  I have been drinking warm lemon water every morning right when I get up and periodically throughout the day.  I have to admit I have not woke up so fresh in a long time…  I know that I had told everyone here about my sugar sensitivity…well I had practiced the potatoes not prozac plan for over a year with limited success.  My system was extremely volatile which set me up for serious cravings and relapse.  I couldn’t shake the program completely though and lately I have been drifting back to it…I had still been eating sugar…cheesecake and brownies and chocolate.  And for awhile I had drifted into a pretty serious coffee habit.  I was getting heartburn and stomach problems again.  Monday was pretty bad…I had the lowest mood I have had in a long time and then realized that it was probably due to TOM.  After it arrived that afternoon I felt better…and after DH brought me roses I felt even better! :) 

So!  I am feeling fresher than I have in quite awhile and less fatigued than I have in a long time as well…perhaps a liver issue?  I really feel that the lemon water is helping me so much but I have to balance that with the fact that the acidity can damage the enamel on your teeth…so swishing with water afterwards…

Okay…for the confession…183 this morning…  But I feel like this just might be the start to a brand new day…and it looks bright!

Yup, just all over the map…lots of off plan eating…slacking of exercise has put me right back where I started.  Ugh.  Ah well.  I am not down, I am not discouraged and I am not a failure.  I have some challenges…namely a sugar sensitive body, being 40…who knows what the prozac did to my metabolism, even though I have been off for a couple of years now who knows what lingers…and the fact that I am in perimenopause..  I have some obstacles.  The key is not staying down when I fall and trying to find a way around them and I am doing that.  I have had a good eating day…I have put in 45 mins on the elliptical and 5 on the treadmill…stretches and situps.  So that is where things stand right now.  I am meditating for a sick friend these days and DH has received another beautiful clean MRI!  And!  We got to see Alcatraz when we were in San Francisco for his drs. appts.  Wow!  That is such a cool tour!  We bought a ton of souveneirs and had a really good time.  The week leading up to Christmas is going to be beautiful…lots of family time with DH & DD.  I plan to do my best with my eating habits but not beat myself up and keep myself on the exercise track..  I hope everyone is having a beautiful holiday season and remembering that life is more than losing weight and counting calories…it is about LIVING.  Do that guys…love your friends and family…

Up one pound still to 180…but considering when I got back from the Redwoods I weighed in at 182.5 again I will take it…  It does seem to be falling back off…TOM has barely finished and I am able to get back to my workouts.  I have exercised for nearly an hour the last two days and food has been good.  So I really don’t feel bad about it.  Do I wish that I hadn’t been derailed for those two days combined with our trip and not being able to work out…yes…but am I supremely grateful that I am already nearly back to where I was before TOM and the Redwoods.  All I can do is try to plan next month better…  Take my Progestacare lotion on time…drink the tea that I know will help…try doing small amounts of exercise in small bursts when I feel that urge…you know the one I am talking about…the one that just screams at you to EAT! NOW!  Chips were my main culprit this month…I hardly ever touch them except during PMS and the craving was extraordinary this month…I couldn’t believe how strong it was!  But I feel so much better despite all this…I feel like I am slowly getting myself back…the self that lost 43 pds years ago…  I know that I can do this despite perimenopause and my age being higher and my stress level being what it is.  I can do this because I have this opportunity in this beautiful new house with my equipment in a room where I can watch tv as I workout and where I have the room to stretch and meditate…  I have this time to replenish my soul..among the trees…  And the start to the cool weather…where a mug of tea in my hands feels like heaven…makes me feel my whole body relax if I just concentrate on my breath and the warmth and taste of it…

I can do this!

Yeah, I know, I didn’t tell anyone we were even going! :)  I don’t like to put stuff out there in cyberspace like that, and it was sort of debated whether we were even going for up to the last minute really because DH caught the crud that is going around and we were wondering if he should go.  And, I was due for TOM and we all know how much fun that has been for me lately…(puking, massive pain, and migraines…oh yay…)  Anyway, we did end up going and we spent 4 days/3 nights in the beautiful Redwoods… Sigh…I wish I could bring the peace that I feel there back with me….It is so amazing…  We did a few small hikes and pretty much hit every gift shop on the Avenue of Giants!  We managed to get quite a bit of our Christmas shopping out of the way for my friends… We had a wonderful time…and then DD caught the crud on the way back and is feeling awful…and my stomach is killing me!!!  Oh yeah…did I mention that I spoke too soon…I lost control of the hormone eating before we left on the trip…one day was just off…Wednesday was a flat out binge day and between the sodium and extra calories…well…back up 3 pounds…  I lost the focus I needed to continue drinking the tea and sticking too my routine…I wanted comfort…and salt!  And lots of food…I caved.  So anyway, there is my confession.  Then we went away for 4 days…food was bad but not horrible…but I still can’t work out until TOM gets straightened around so it is not too good…  You know what…that is fine…I am just back on track and see what happens….

TOM is getting closer… I can feel the increased desire for more food…salty food…sweet food…just more food!  The last two days I have eaten more than what I have been…but still nothing I would call an outright binge! Yay! Victory! :)  I have eaten sweets…but I have worked out everyday except yesterday…I did however go for a small walk so that counts a bit…  Anyway, the point is that I feel wonderful still…  DH is still recovering from the crud that he caught (probably at work) and has been coughing a lot at night so I should be exhausted and crabby…but I don’t!  I feel good! Nah nah nah nah nah (think a little James Browne! hehehe!)  Anyway, I am going to work out today… I am going to eat well…and get some studying done.  I read an article yesterday that said that people that work out get sick on average three days less per year than people that don’t.  Another good reason to hit the elliptical! :) 

Ooh!  On an unrelated note, I love Tuesday!  Can you say SONS OF ANARCHY!!!  Love love love it! Enjoy everyone!

179! One pound lost from last week! Actually it waivered from 178.5 to 179…so I am thinking it was something a little more than a pound but it will catch up next week.  This has been a really good week, workouts have been on track and the eating has been totally in control all week I feel amazing! Drinking tea has been helping with any cravings that come up and it has been amazing!  I love cool weather! And it makes it easier to drink tea all day long!