day four

Well the honeymoon is over. Today my roommate is back and my little bubble of easy dieting and planning is over. I had this idea in my head that my life would be suspended for a while and I can go on cruise control focusing solely on eating perfectly and exercising in all my spare time. WELL NO. Sadly I realized that ain’t gonna happen. My roommate came back from a work trip she’s been on for two weeks and has brought back our bad habits. For her, eating is simply what she does when she gets hungry. She eats the first thing that’s available or what she’s craving. She can keep a box of cookies in the pantry and touch them every once in a while. If I have a box of cookies in the pantry..they are there for 2 days tops. Anyways..when she is home I often make dinner. Which is okay- even though I really can’t afford to feed two people and I usually budget money and food for just me- but it’s okay. However, there will also be days when she suggests something to make- but it’s usually pizza or mac and cheese or fried eggplant. All delicious- but not on my plan. She also suggested tonight we go to a diner to catch up over some pie. For most people that is an innocent enough request. But in my diet mode brain- every inch of me is screaming NO PLEASE NOO YOU’RE DOING SO WELL. So I don’t know how to mold my diet self and my desire to not create too much problems with my roomie.

This isn’t the whole story- I don’t exactly want to tell her I’m counting calories and trying to cut back. I know it sounds stupid but she has a perfect body and I just don’t feel like being the chubby one who is on and off diets all the time. I feel like she won’t be supportive only because it will interfer with us going out to dinner or to a bar. And yes there is a part of me that does not want to have that inevitable awkwardness should my efforts fall through, ie “You’re eating pizza and cookies..I thought you were on a diet.” Not that I’m anticipating failure. But you know that conversation. It blows.

So what to do. I want to be able to live normally and lose weight (then maintain). However I just find it hard to plan when I am unsure whether she is eating or whether she will insist on grabbing dinner at a diner or local place. I know I need to be stronger and tell her what’s going on- but she just gets judgy and irritated about that. Diets and real life seem to be incompatible right now, but I am really determined to make it work.

In other news..I have found a blog with so many amazing recipes- I am just so happy about it! Kath Eats Real Food has so many good recipes and gorgeous pictures. It’s focused on eating healthy and she explains how she lost weight and maintains it now. All her oatmeal recipes had me running out to the co-op today to get rolled oats and throw out my NASTY kashi oatmeal. Exercise was lacking a bit- I went for a walk in the rain and I couldn’t will myself to run. Tomorrow I will for sho. Will I ever want to exercise? I hope one day it becomes something I need and want to do as opposed to an annoying chore? Blah..good night..I’m off to do laundry!

three

After dinner, I fell alseep for a while and thought I’d have a snack. So I pulled out an apple and a jar of peanut butter. Long after my apple was gone I was STILL eating from the peanut butter jar with my finger. I don’t even know what kind of damage that has done to my calorie count. Peanut butter as I have seen for the past 3 days is dangerous! I really don’t want to give it up, but I’m afraid I can’t control myself around it. It has been such a staple in my diet since I was a kid and it is one comfort I still have in my diet. Well I guess I will try for the next week to avoid it and if I can’t it has to go. 🙁

Well exercise at least I did good on today. I did week three of c25k and it still wasnt pretty. I had planned to do the 30 day shred again, but I didn’t feel like it so I started to make an energy shake. After several rounds of arguing with myself in my head, I DID finally do it. I tell you I hate that DVD and I hate Jillian for making me do it to the end. The only thing that kept me going was noticing I could actually do some of the exercises till the end this time. I still couldn’t finish these awful lifts at the end, but I’m glad I did it.

In other news, I explored Sparkpeople today. Usually I just use it to find the calories of certain recipes or meals. But today I found all of this other cool stuff, including a meal plan they give you and it seems like there is a little network thing going on there too. I’m not using their meal plan, because I would binge like a mofo if I kept half of that stuff around, like bread and bagels. I could probably eat an entire loaf of bread in the next day and a half. So…I think I’ll skip that part.

It has been three days since I have had chocolate or a sweet of any kind. I’m feeling it right now. On any given normal day I would have at least one type of candy, cookie, or otherwise delicious treat. Especially after dinner, I never thought I would be able to go to sleep without dessert. I feel like I’m missing an integral part of my day without dessert. It’s hard to grasp that I can’t eat chocolate and junk food everyday. EVER. It’s not just until I lose weight- it’s a permanent change. I’m honestly a little sad about that. Will that feeling ever go away?

2

Ouch I’m full right now. I’m still within my range for the day though.

Breakfast: Kashi oatmeal- not good! 🙁 and an apple

Lunch: TJ spring onion soup, 1 serving carrots

1/2 serving pretzel crisps

OVERDOSED on 3 TBS PB- not a low calorie treat

Dinner: Didn’t feel like cooking so I had a Go lean french vanilla powder stuff mixed with soy milk, banana, and ice- yum! Then 100 cal. popcorn.

Total for day: 1441. So Not bad- but that peanut butter- is dangerous- not something to eat when starving after getting home from work. My first major temptation was a delicious starbucks creation that was made accidentally- and a coworker brought it in for me- i looked it up online after I politely declined: 400 calories. not good! I’m definitely in the honeymoon stage of this “diet” and I find it’s easy to resist anything and stay in the range. WE’ll see how I’m doing next week! At work today I was eating my apple while talking to a co-worker who was eating a very delcious looking donut. I wasn’t even jealous- I felt a little smug actually!

Well I would write more but Diary of a Mad black woman is on- and its one of my favorite movies! I hope everyone is staying strong with their resolutions, good luck through the weekend! stay strong- it’s going to be worth it come the summer and next new years day!

day 1 part 2

I decided to post again to start recording my food and exercise at the end of each day. I’m hoping this will make me more accountable since I really do have time at the end of the day each night. So I haven’t eaten a lot today because I have the day off and woke up really late.

Breakfast:

Coffee w/ hazelnut creamer

Oatmeal

Lunch/Dinner at 4:

1/2 sweet potato

tomato sauce with meatless crumbles

mexican shredded cheese

small gala apple

Snack now:

2 servings carrots

2 tbs. ff ranch

Dr. Praegers California Burger

So suprisingly this adds up to only 750 calories. It’s pretty low, but I don’t want to keep eating. I might have a little tea in an hour or two though!

I did Week three of the c25k podcast. Actually this was my third day doing it, but I cannot download the first two podcasts on itunes so I decided to just do as much of the 3rd week as I can. I have not been able to finish the 3 minute runs, but then today I decided to just slow my “running” down. It’s barely a jog now, but I finished the long runs! So yay! I will keep doing week three until I can do the three minute run at my normal jogging speed. I also did the 30 day shred tonight, I got it for christmas after seeing so many people doing it! ouch. it was so hard i quit early on almost every exercise. I wanted to quit 99.9 % of the time, but I kept doing it and prayed that it would end soon. I got through it though and I’m going to hopefully continue doing it a few times a week just so I can feel an improvement in my strength and endurance.

1

I want to truly thank everyone who has commented for their support and suggestions. I am definitely feeling encouraged right now..and more and more inspired as I read everyones blogs. SHALLWE SHRINK- I definitely am going to put some tea on my counter as a reminder to sip tea at night..and then go to bed! No late night snacking! IT KILLS!  I’m also pretty stoked I share a love of HP and Twilight with a few people! I guarantee if you like hp- you’ll like twilight too! even my dad likes it!

Right now I’m figuring out the calorie count of some meals I make a lot. I’m going to do as much as I can ahead of time in terms of planning and calculating..to avoid panicky bad choices! I hope it works! I also set up a little basket in my room to keep  my work out gear in..so first thing in the morning I can get dressed and run! I am all ready to go for a run right now but I’m trying to wait a little longer till the snow and any left over ice melts.

Well it’s New Years Day..and that means resolutions. I don’t believe I have ever accomplished a resolution. Usually it’s just lose 50 lbs. This year I’m thinking about the bigger picture.

1. Get to a weight I feel good at-I estimate that is about 125-130 lbs. That was the weight I last remember not feeling self-conscious at. Of course I thought I was could lose weight then- what was I thinking? But I felt attractive and I generally liked the way clothes looked on me.

2. Be able to run 5 miles without stopping– I have always wanted to be a runner, but I haven’t been able to make a habit of it long enough to build up to 5 miles. Or even 2 miles.

3. Build up a big recipe book of healthy vegetarian meals- I’m going to attempt to try one new recipe per week.

4. Stop spending so much on needless things-I need to get to work paying off my student loans so I have decided to attempt three months of NO spending money besides my basic necessities. If I can do this..I will be so proud of myself because my wasteful spending really bothers me.

I have a lot of other mini-goals but these are the things that if I can say I did one year from now, I’ll be 🙂

 

 

minor epiphany..maybe major

Okay so I decided to post again because I realized another major mistake I always make when trying to plan a diet. I usually try to plan how I will eat everyday for the next…however long. I like a routine and I try to come up with one that I will always stick to no matter what. The thought of weekends, breaks, and going out of town seems like imminent death to a diet. I also like to develop a schedule of when I work out, but again- I forget that plans and routines change! I need to stop being so black and white about everything! I need to plan ONE WEEK AT A TIME. Usually at the beginning of the week I have a pretty good idea as to what my schedule is, when I can grocery shop, when I can eat, etc. It’s so much more manageable a week at time as opposed to umm…a year at time?

So if I can just suppress my desire to have the rest of my life planned to the minute..I can do this. This time next year I will be looking at this post happy I made a change. 🙂

I’m ready/scared to deal with my night-time eating. That is by far the worst part of my day. Why OH WHY is it so hard to stop eating after dinner? Not only do I just need to go to bed earlier (as opposed to after Conan when I have to be up in a few hours) but I also need to figure out why I feel hungry when I am physically not hungry at all. That is a biggie..but I will hopefully get to it later. It’s really been helping to read blogs of people who have lost weight.No one writes “hey this has been a breeze I could do it in my sleep”. I guess I assume it should be easy..but shocker…it’s not. It’s going to be hard but I really want this. And in the past I have worked hard for other things I wanted..why not this?

2 days left..

I have always been a big fan of starting dates for diets. Now I realize that whole mindset was very odd..and it was actually making me gain weight by binging until the day I promised to start a diet. But there is something about New Years that makes you think your slate has been wiped clean and you have a brand new start. It’s just as arbitrary as any other day, but I’m actually really excited to make a lot of changes. It’s a new year and I have so many new goals. I feel like there is so much I have to lose if I don’t start changing. I don’t want to spend one more year unhappy with my weight and fitness. 

I have the day off today, so I’m taking the day to plan some recipes, menus and figure out how I can fit working out into my schedule. I think I will even go for a run. I started the C25k last week..I’m just struggling to fit it in- I like to run outside but I leave for work while its still dark and I get home right after it gets dark so I don’t know how to get it in! Running in the dark sounds scary- esp. in my neighborhood! yikes!

I saw lean cuisines were seriously on sale today at the grocery store..they are good for a quick lunch at work- but I wonder if they are really good for weight loss? Does anyone have any suggestions? I am a little hesitant about eating them because of some scary sounding ingredients and high sodium- but they are quick and easy. Let me know!

First…

Well I have been a silent observer of 3FC blogs since this past summer and I decided about a month ago it was about time to stop wishing I could lose weight and uh..actually DO IT. It’s difficult when you realize you are the only person standing in front of what you want. I have wanted to lose weight and get in shape for so many years, it’s depressing. I have tried so many diets, it’s hard to believe I will actually follow through this time. It just feels like each season, each year, insecurity about my weight and low self-esteem is influencing my life more and more. I’m increasingly allowing my weight to be my excuse for why I’m not happy or why I’m not pursuing something better.

I’m becoming more in tune with how I am at this point. I have a NASTY habit of planning to start a diet sometime in the near future and BINGING on my favorite foods (thinking oh I’ll never have them again) until my diet starts. Well the longest I have ever lasted on a diet is 1 week. So at that point I feel deprived and go back to my favorite junk and accept that I blew it and gorge myself till I plan my next diet. Well shockingly that has not made me lose weight! I am trying so hard to change my attitude towards food and become aware of why I’m eating when I’m not hungry and why I make bad food choices.

I have gone back and forth with diets and while I love seeing immediate results from eating low-carb, it is not manageable long-term for me. I am a huge breakfast person- but I like breakfast on the run- and that is a habit I cant change. It’s not very easy to whip up an omellette every morning as I’m running out the door already late to work. I also am a vegetarian so low-carb can be very limiting for me. It seems most people have had success with good ole’ fashion cal. counting so I will give it a go. I have added sparkpeople to my favorites list- its just so weird to actually see the calories in what I eat- I would sooner die then know the damage I have done in the past week.

So that’s all I can think to share right now. I haven’t really shared a lot about me aside from the fact that I want to lose weight and historically have been awful at it. I am 23, I graduated 2 years ago, but as of right now have no idea what I really want to do. I work at a bank and I hate it. I love languages, diet sodas, coffee, pimping my bed (because you spend 1/3 of your life in bed you might as well enjoy it), iTunes, walking around Target, clean air, magazines, and reading (harry potter and twilight are my ultimate guilty pleasures that I don’t share with most people because I’m embarassed how secretly into them I really am) Dont judge! I have been cursed with a normal boring suburban upbringing and I would rather be a wizard married to a sexy vampire.

So if you are still reading, awesome. It’s good to finally be here. I hope I’m here to stay.