Well the honeymoon is over. Today my roommate is back and my little bubble of easy dieting and planning is over. I had this idea in my head that my life would be suspended for a while and I can go on cruise control focusing solely on eating perfectly and exercising in all my spare time. WELL NO. Sadly I realized that ain’t gonna happen. My roommate came back from a work trip she’s been on for two weeks and has brought back our bad habits. For her, eating is simply what she does when she gets hungry. She eats the first thing that’s available or what she’s craving. She can keep a box of cookies in the pantry and touch them every once in a while. If I have a box of cookies in the pantry..they are there for 2 days tops. Anyways..when she is home I often make dinner. Which is okay- even though I really can’t afford to feed two people and I usually budget money and food for just me- but it’s okay. However, there will also be days when she suggests something to make- but it’s usually pizza or mac and cheese or fried eggplant. All delicious- but not on my plan. She also suggested tonight we go to a diner to catch up over some pie. For most people that is an innocent enough request. But in my diet mode brain- every inch of me is screaming NO PLEASE NOO YOU’RE DOING SO WELL. So I don’t know how to mold my diet self and my desire to not create too much problems with my roomie.
This isn’t the whole story- I don’t exactly want to tell her I’m counting calories and trying to cut back. I know it sounds stupid but she has a perfect body and I just don’t feel like being the chubby one who is on and off diets all the time. I feel like she won’t be supportive only because it will interfer with us going out to dinner or to a bar. And yes there is a part of me that does not want to have that inevitable awkwardness should my efforts fall through, ie “You’re eating pizza and cookies..I thought you were on a diet.” Not that I’m anticipating failure. But you know that conversation. It blows.
So what to do. I want to be able to live normally and lose weight (then maintain). However I just find it hard to plan when I am unsure whether she is eating or whether she will insist on grabbing dinner at a diner or local place. I know I need to be stronger and tell her what’s going on- but she just gets judgy and irritated about that. Diets and real life seem to be incompatible right now, but I am really determined to make it work.
In other news..I have found a blog with so many amazing recipes- I am just so happy about it! Kath Eats Real Food has so many good recipes and gorgeous pictures. It’s focused on eating healthy and she explains how she lost weight and maintains it now. All her oatmeal recipes had me running out to the co-op today to get rolled oats and throw out my NASTY kashi oatmeal. Exercise was lacking a bit- I went for a walk in the rain and I couldn’t will myself to run. Tomorrow I will for sho. Will I ever want to exercise? I hope one day it becomes something I need and want to do as opposed to an annoying chore? Blah..good night..I’m off to do laundry!