Light Reflections

6…naw, not really

But one day. I got into a size 6 jeans and actually zipped them up. I did not make myself wear them all day though. The fit was not particularly flattering. There’s fitted and then there’s fitted. One is flattering the other simply looks improper but still I zipped them up. I am still a size ten though as I am noticing size is a funny thing, in particular when you wear stretch jeans like I do. Stretch jeans will conform to a smaller size, at least for a while and they also allow you to expand, quite a bit actually as noted by my almost 20 lb range for a size 14. I am still a size 10 although some size 10’s are getting looser and some I can barely get into. I am wearing one now that fits just a little better than the size 6’s I just tried on so size is a funny thing. I guess what ultimately counts is how clothes fit and how you feel in them. Do you like what you see in the mirror? Are you comfortable? Do you like how you feel? I am very comfortable here in my mid 130’s. This is a weight and size I actually do remember. And I do remember feeling very comfortable. I feel like I can go out and want to look at myself in shop windows and see family and friends and not have to face that dreadful look of disappointment I have seen nearly every visit for most of the last decade. They know me as that small person from before who often hovered over 100 pounds but never really more than 115 while I knew them. They don’t know 160’s me, a weight that I had for most of the last decade.

Okay, back to 10’s for now but maybe 8’s are around the corner. It’s usually about a month after I try a pair of jeans on and they zip that I can get into them. Onward…

136

Weighing in today at 136. I don’t know why this excites me so much but I really like this number. It’s just a good looking number. It could be because I love 36. Just love it. Makes me smile so 136 is a happy time. It could also be that it means that I am past my halfway point in my goal. And that’s a big deal.

So, weighing in at 136 Monday, March 12, 2012.

Hmm…even that date looks good. Happy numbers.

Birds chirping.

Song - Stronger

I sometimes think in song and so it has been fun to find songs that to me work really well for this weight loss journey.

Lately, it has been Stronger by Kelly Clarkson. This really should be the anthem for weight loss. It would actually be great as an exercise video but to me I envision a story of a woman who was overweight and low energy and bummed. Then over time she starts to exercise and diet and with each step she takes towards a newer and healthier her, she grows stronger. Less weight. More energy. More confidence. Improved hair and make up. Better career. Etc, etc. To me this song or the feeling behind it could be an anthem for weight loss. It does not have to be. It simply could be an anthem for any woman growing stronger on her journey.

No journey worth it is easy but there are bumps and challenges and setbacks and with each step you tackle a hurdle, you move forward, you grow stronger and feel better. You can see it in the video. It really has some power and Kelly Clarkson really has a powerful voice. I first heard it on that car commercial with those 3 other guys. I just love that commercial. Then one day I was leaving my house and heard the song on the radio. It really made my day. But, as I was approaching home it came back on again. I was like, this is it. This is the song.

Stronger

…onward.

Vascillating…Yo-Yo Emotions

The emotions are tough on this diet. And they don’t seem to get better as time passes. Wait, they do get better but every now and then those tougher emotional times will hit. Apparently, this diet releases like hormones or something and I have this theory that if you were already hormonally challenged, you are going to have a tough time of it. It’s not an all day everyday kind of thing. But, you might find youself feeling unbalanced or uneven or unusually sensitive and then you get frustrated more and then you get frustrated with yourself because you are frustrated and it becomes this weird mental cycle of emotional roller coasting. Talk about yo-yo ing

Here’s an example. You wake up feeling great. You try on a smaller clothes, they fit. All is well. Birds are chirping. By lunch you are like if I have to shove another vegetable down my throat. By dinner you find find yourself hungry and irritable and after dinner you are full and resting and really enjoying your snack. Then tomorrow it is the opposite. Headachy or just not feeling great upon awaking. Great energy and mood all day. You don’t even care if the scale is not moving. And so it goes. Just when you think you hit your stride and are finding meals you like and are fine with your sizes and your energy is awesome and you are doing this, bam all of a sudden you get emotional for apparently no reason. And you know it but you can’t stop it.

The good news is that the emotional weirdness seems to be worse early on in the diet but it gets better. The bad news is that it seems to return but with much less frequency and for a much shorter duration.

I guess this is all just part of the process…onward.

P.S. Wrote this a couple days ago. I wonder if it was before my Non-Solar Flare Up.

Non-Solar Flare Up

I flared up yesterday, yes all good and fiery but it was not good. I simply don’t remember that kind of outburst and for that long. Scared me. Is this hormones? I don’t know. What do we release with all this fat that is leaving us?

Calgon….

Weighed in at 137 yesterday. It was actually a very good day, well until my non-solar flare up. Still feel sick over it.

Just Do It

This is the post, in part, to explain why I chose this theme for my blog. Years ago in the movie What Women Want, there was a scene where they played the ad the characters had been working on. It’s still one of the most powerful I have seen to date. It’s a Nike ad where you just see a woman running. It’s simple and elegant but very powerful and it left an indelible mark.

When I was trying to decide what kind of theme I wanted for this blog, a few jumped out at me. I saw one with a purple flower. I saw one with fresh produce. I really liked that one. But, this one told a story. At least it reminded me of that story, that image, and that woman.

Over the years the Nike slogan, Just Do It was to become an important one to me. Just Do It. 3 simple words. A phrase we have all heard over and over even before Nike used it but it says everything. Sometimes now when I am in a stuck place, I think of those 3 words and it gets me started.

Just Do It.

This theme also has a purple sky so that works as well and a sunset that is simply stunning. It kinda reminds me that no matter how much support and external feedback we receive, well meaning or unnecessary, we are on this journey alone. No one is making us do this. No one can really motivate us. Not in the long run. That comes from within.

But, that with every step we are taking steps forward for ourselves. I guess that is what I think about. The woman in the What Woman Want video is out there on her own, maybe everyday running and thinking and taking good care of herself. I see that in the woman in this theme with the beautiful sky in the background.

Maybe one day I will follow in her footsteps and understand the strength and silence and peace and rejuvenation that comes from a morning jog or a sunset run along the beach but until then I will follow my protocol, continue to enjoy my days (hopefuly enjoy more than not) and continue on my journey, each step being a step forward. Each step leaving behind a life that was well, not quite working out. Every step is movement towards the new, the unknown, the fresh…Onward.

Green Smoothie

This is a green smoothie made with the Ideal Protein Vanilla Pudding Packet and about 2 cups of raw spinach.

Blend together with water and add a little sweetener of your choice and a smidge of salt for balance. It comes out in this lovely color. It tastes like a diet smoothie. I don’t know how else to describe it but it is pretty good and an option if you don’t feel like choking down 2 cups of spinach.

Ideal Protein Vanilla Drink with Spinach

NSV

An NSV is a Non Scale Victory. Weight loss cannot be measured in losing weight only. These are other things to consider when losing weight. If you watch the scale every day there are going to be days when you don’t like what you see. If you don’t like what you see for too long, you run the risk of getting discouraged and possibly falling off the wagon. It’s very hard to get back on.

One example of an NSV is getting into smaller clothes. A fun activity is to go to the back of your closest, wherever you keep those smaller clothes, and see if anything fits. I find that doing this after about a month on the diet should yield some happy moments.

Another thing I do sometimes is measure. I measure randomly. But over time I like to see how far I have come in terms of measurement. It also helps to explain how I can fit into the smaller clothes. Ahhh…I have lost ___inches in that area.

Some others, and these are always appreciated, are comments from people who have not seen you in a while. These really make your day.

So, while on your IP journey, everyday may not feel exciting or triumphant, try to find victories and positives outside the scale. The scale has a mind of its own, actually your body does and no amount of cajoling, whining or crying is going to help it move. The weight moves when it is ready. Sometimes weight moves one week and inches move another. Everybody is different. After you are on this a while you will learn how your body functions.

Mini-Goals

I noticed early on that many set mini-goals. There is the main weight loss goal. But, I find that setting the mini-goals along the way really help. My mini-goals were:

150 lbs - because I got close to that weight last summer. The lowest I had seen in years was 151

144 lbs - because that was the weight I started at when I last lost weight on a program. That was 5 years ago.

138 lbs - this one was just random. It was below 140 and above 130

My current goal is 130. I chose that because 131 is the lowest I have seen in the scale in the past decade or so. I reached that on the program I was on 5 years ago.

I hate to report my heighest weight but the truth is I don’t know because I refused to get on the scale. So I believe I was somewhere around 172 since I saw something like 170 when I felt like I had loss some weight and was not afraid to get on. And I believe I hit that maybe 2 or 3 years ago. I am not sure. Don’t like to remember those things.

So, holding steady at 138…onward.

Releases

Warning…this post may be a little graphic. One of the side effects of a diet without a lot of fiber can sometimes be reduced or unpleasant or challenging bathroom time. And unfortunately in this area I have no great advice. Yes, we are consuming a lot of vegetables but we are not consuming much fiber so some find themselves unfortunately stalled in this area. I have noticed a direct correlation between successful bathroom time and happy scale time. This week I had it 2 days in a row so I am really pleased because last week’s stall was most unpleasant, emotionally and physically.

Did you know we are supposed to do #2 like at least twice a day? I know, TMI right? But, the truth is that we are supposed to have a bowel movement for every meal we eat which means 3 times a day. I know, crazy right? Almost no one does it. But, once a day in the morning is normal.

Weighing in at 138 today. Needed the release. Feeling lighter. Feeling better.