Light Reflections

Medium

Looks like I am officially a medium. I still don’t believe it which is probably why I have to write about it. Proof, you know. I thought I was heading to medium shortly fitting into large’s after I started this diet but I did not believe it since it has been so long. I can’t remember but I do think that was my size long ago. Although I might have been a small. I used to hide myself in large loose clothes a lot which may be why I remember larges and some extra larges. I was never over 115lbs. Actually, rarely over 112. I do think that may be my natural size but it sure feels awfully small now. So, we will see. See if I go all the way. I am quite pleased with this medium deal now. Regarding bottoms, it is time to let go of my 14’s. Most weren’t working anyway and I could not find a size 12. So, 10’s are snug but I will hang out and see how far I get. I am just so crazy overjoyed at being a medium that I am kind of freaking out. Even when I look at the clothes I believe them to be too small for me. But, they weren’t. I hesitantly tried on every single medium that I purchased this weekend and they all fit, even if some where fitted. They all fit,

When I first got into a 10, maybe a few weeks ago, I was scared. I was scared because it was very very fitted and I did not like that feeling. My 14’s were quite loose and while I had to let go of some of them, some were actually quite comfortable and I rather enjoyed that. The tightness of the 10’s freaked me out because it reminded me of when I topped the scales and I refused to get the next size. So for a long time I walked about as a stuffed sausage in my overstuffed size 14’s refusing to get a 16, absolutely refusing.

And if I can share a little secret, shhhh….this weekend I tried on an 8. Now, talk about discomfort but I somehow managed to zip them. Could.Not.Believe.IT! Yes…shhhh!

This size game is funny. It feels like being a reverse toddler. You know how you have to buy clothes for kids every 6 months and how newborns grow out of their clothes in a month or less? Well, that is how this feels. I bought the mediums because I thought they might fit down the line. I already had some items in medium in my closet. it was just that I was starting to swim in my jackets and my p.j.’s and it just did not look right. I had forgotten just how schlumpy I had let everything become, most importantly myself. Let my hair go. Wore only a few items from my closet, because they fit and because I did not care. Only wore a few of my comfort shoes. Never any make up. Sometimes wore my hair cute. I just let go. Who would think a diet could give you your life back, revilatize you. I know I am focusing on clothes but it is sort of an outward measure of success, something you worked hard for and can now start to enjoy the benefits. But maybe it is time. Spring is right around the corner.

Onward.

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