Sour Grapes

Posted by primaballerina on April 11th, 2009 |Filed Under General, Recipes, Turbo Jam, Weight Watchers |

I’m in a mood today…

I really just want these exams to be over.  More so, I just really want to see the results of the hard work I’ve been putting in over the past 3 months.  I know that this is juvenile, but sometimes I get discouraged when I see other people’s results.  There are people on 3FC who started WW at the same time as me, and who have similar stats, and have consistently lost 3 or more lbs per week!  My body is just so uncooperative sometimes.  I just really wish I could start seeing a more consistent loss. I am happy to lose any weight, but it would be really nice to pick up the pace a bit.  I didn’t even get a big drop right at the beginning, like most people do.  My WW buddy has NEVER stayed within her points EVER. Not a single day since we started.  She yo-yos, but on the weeks where she does better, she’ll lose between 2-4 lbs! And, her high weight was 25 lbs less than mine.  I know I have to stop comparing myself to others. I am genuinely happy for others’ success, but I just wish that I could have a big loss to reflect the kind of effort I’ve been putting in.

I took some pictures of myself today to compare to a “before” picture.  I really didn’t see a difference.  I can’t believe that 11 lbs off my small frame doesn’t show.  My WW buddy says she thinks I look 20 lbs lighter, but I seriously can’t see it in the pictures at all.  I want to see tone! I want to see a smaller waist! I don’t want to see clothes looking tight! Grrr.  I’m not doing that again for a while.

I did my cardio party today.  My foot is hurting a bit, which is a drag, but I still made it through. I couldn’t believe how much I was sweating.  It’s actually kind of gross (and remarkable, because I don’t even sweat that much when I run.)

I’m thinking about checking out Chalene’s ball workout. It’s 2 dvds and a ball for $40.  I really need a new ball anyway, so it may just be worth it.  Has anyone tried this? Or any of the other Turbo Jam workouts? I’d love some input….

I just had vietnamese for dinner- vermicelli with chicken and vegetables. It was good, but now I feel like I overate. I’m still within my points for today, though…Everything else I ate was a “filling food”.

I was just on the 3FC forum reading about “Debbie Downers”.  You know, those people who always have a comment about your weight loss…”Oh, you’re on a diet AGAIN?”….”Oh, I’ve tried WW, it doesn’t work”….”Do you think you’re going to make it this time?”…..

I seriously can’t stand that shit.  It’s nobody’s business but my own if or how I choose to lose weight.  I don’t walk up to people and say things like, “oh, I see you’re doing something about your acne problem- do you think it will actually work this time?”.  Anyone who has ever had something that they’re insecure about should know how humiliating and incredibly rude that is.  I had someone call me “plump” to my face back in January, and then try to pass it off as a GOOD thing- like she was giving me a compliment! Um, maybe for some, not for me.  It’s not something I strive to be.  I was humiliated.  The thing is, I’ve been carrying around extra weight for so long now that people think this is just how I am.  They don’t realize that I’m actually a teeny tiny person underneath these 50 extra pounds. They don’t realize I’m built like my mom, who weighed 125 lbs when she was 8 months pregnant with me. When I told my friend that I was going to lose 62 lbs, she couldn’t believe it.  She thought I’d be under 100 lbs.  I guess it’s a good thing that I “carry my weight well”, whatever that means, but I don’t want to be the “plump” girl.  I want to be the lithe girl with the dancer’s body….that’s what I used to be, and that’s what I am underneath this.  I’m happy for people to notice, but I don’t need to be questioned about it.  People need to learn how to select the appropriate time and place for that kind of talk.

I have a classmate who is 5′10” and 130 lbs. She is the skinniest person I’ve ever seen. I would be surprised if she’s bigger than a size 0.  Anyway, she keeps sending me all these messages about how she’s so depressed because she’s gained 5 lbs since starting law school, and she REALLY needs to lose weight, etc etc.  Now, she is one of the few people who know that I’m actually actively trying to lose weight. It’s not something I advertise.  I wonder- what is it that she wants me to say?  I’ve told her that she could gain 20 more lbs and still not be overweight…I’ve told her that she’s still the skinniest person I know.  Her thighs don’t even touch! How “overweight” could she possibly be?!  I know that everyone has issues with their bodies, but pick your audience, people! Don’t act like losing 5 lbs (that don’t even need to be lost in the first place) makes you understand what I’m going through.   I actually need to lose weight for my health- this isn’t driven by some insane vanity thing. Honestly, you would laugh out loud if you could see how skinny this girl is…the whole thing is CRAZY.  I just need a break from all of this!

Sorry for the angry rant…It’s just been one of those days.  :S

I was out on my balcony today, watching people running their dogs in the nice weather.  I wish we were allowed dogs in our apartment- I’m desperate to get a westie!  As soon as I’m done law school and actually have time to train it, I’m getting one…Aren’t they SO CUTE?!

Westies bring me zen…I love them SO much.

I’ve been meaning to share another discovery with you- Celestial Seasonings Bengal Spice Tea!  Or, Bengal Tiger Tea, as I like to call it…It’s spicy like Chai, but it’s naturally sweet. I’m telling you, you would SWEAR there was sugar in it, but there isn’t!  I think it’s the cinnamon…anyway, I love it, and I’m trying to switch it up from coffee every now and then…here’s a picture of the box:

It may be worth a try if you’re a tea person! BF is making me some right now… :)

Is it Saturday night already? Uugh.  The only good thing about this is SNL…

Back to work for me- hope you’re all enjoying your weekends!


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