The Secret Life

a behind the scenes look at the consistently inconsistent life of an emotional eater…

By the way… January 25, 2013

Filed under: Stats — preciouscharlie @ 9:43 pm

Mood: 2

Energy level: 3

(scale= 1-10, 10 is high)

I can do:

Push-ups (knees down): 7

Plank: 23 seconds

 

What’s it gonna be?

Filed under: Diet & Exercise, Drama — preciouscharlie @ 9:38 pm

Pizza? Hoagie? Beer? All of the above?

Maybe I should just go to bed.

I am not tired though. It’s Friday night. I am home alone…and bored. The boy left. Out living his life (drinking and playing video games with his “boyfriend”). He took the little one to her cousins’ so I “won’t feel trapped in the house”. Whatever. He knows I have nowhere to go. I AM trapped in the house. That’s not his problem though. It’s mine.

I have the TV. Cable. Netflix.  I have music and books. The cats. I have the computer…and the refrigerator.

There’s nothing in the kitchen that can really get me in trouble. The take-out menus are what’s causing me grief.

Chinese? Stromboli? Broccoli bites? Yum…

You know, I’ve saved about 60 bucks this past week by not ordering or going out to eat. Saved thousands of calories as well! I haven’t even purchased a single A.M. latte! This is all motivation, sure. But sitting alone in this house has me fighting the urge to stuff my face. Why? Why does boredom make me want to eat?

I have 2 sweet potatoes in the oven. They probably have a couple more hours to cook. By then I won’t be “hungry” though. Ever have that feeling where you want everything, yet you don’t want anything? Well that’s what I am going through now. I guess that’s the giveaway to the fact I’m not truly hungry. I am just lonely. And food keeps me company.

I was thinking maybe I should work out. But quite honestly, I don’t feel like it. NEXT!

I bet plenty of moms wish they had a night to themselves like this. But my situation is not all too glamorous. It’s not fun. Especially when I am not really in need of “alone time”. It comes all too often. It’s another reason why I’ve packed on the pounds.

Well not tonight, dammit! I’m not letting my mood get me down…not down to the bottom of a bag of chips at least. No hoagie. No beer. No nothing.

Goodnight.

 

Hanging in there January 23, 2013

Filed under: Diet & Exercise, Weight Loss — preciouscharlie @ 10:05 pm

Okay, 6 days in and no pizza for me. Yay!  (Only six days? REALLY? Seems like it’s been far longer).

I will be working pizza back into my life later. Now is not the time as I have not yet mastered portion control. I have to remind myself this is temporary.  It will take time. Trust me, I hate the idea of deprivation but soon I will be eating whatever I want. I simply have to train my body to want what it needs and to not overindulge in crap that it doesn’t. Easy, right?

I’ve been doing all right thus far. I got up to 1400 calories yesterday, but that’s okay. None of them came from junk food (I suppose that’s a small fib with the Cool Whip, oops). Exercise has become part of my day but I can’t say I’ve gotten my rhythm yet. I try to do A.M. Tae Bo (55 mins) for cardio and I whipped out my Slim in 6 DVD for P.M. strengthening/toning (level 1, 25 mins). Energy level definitely needs work. I’m trying though.

Cravings are kicking my butt. I need to find solid ways to fight them. I’ve tried drinking water, chewing gum, and good old hand to hand combat. It’s damn hard!  Gotta remember it’s mind over matter and stay focused on the LONG term. “What do you WANT? You’re not going to get it if you don’t push through.”

Speaking of long term, I find myself obsessing in the mirror. I need to quit this as it’s a constant reminder of how far I have to go. I want instant results and it’s just not going to happen. I didn’t gain 40+ lbs in a week, and I’m not going to lose it that fast either. I know this. It’s a simple truth. Why is it so hard to accept?

 

Trying to find a pattern

Filed under: Drama, Random — preciouscharlie @ 4:20 pm

Don’t call me at WORK asking me “stupid” questions! I’m tired and ready to go home! (yes, the boy is at it again)

Now, after that somewhat frustrating phone call I have resolved not to give him my joy (thanks Joel Osteen). But still I sit here fiending for a friggin Hershey bar (w/ almonds)! This is my “hands off, don’t touch” sweet treat I keep in the fridge and in my desk at work. Luckily I dont have one [the GIANT/7oz.] at the moment or I’d certainly be stuffing my face!

So I let everything bother me and the answer is always food. Then the FOOD itself bothers me. Viscious cycle…

 

Cravings

Filed under: Random — preciouscharlie @ 1:29 pm

I think I may have to cave. This pizza thing is really eating at me. Feeling a tad miserable today (skipped my AM workout so I could sleep as long as possible). I guess it’s just my go-to comfort food. Doesn’t help that it’s a certain time of the month (sorry if that’s TMI). And I don’t want a “healthy” pizza! I want two slices loaded with grease and cheese! No veggies. No wheat.

 

The three S’s January 22, 2013

Filed under: Diet & Exercise, Random — preciouscharlie @ 7:57 pm

Eat Smaller potions

Eat Slower

No Seconds!

Thanks little Splenda packet :)

 

Just say no!

Filed under: Drama — preciouscharlie @ 7:43 pm

Energy practically non-existent for my A.M. workout.

Dragged my feet through a long boring day at work.  Couldn’t wait to get home and rest.

Almost got smacked by a police officer recklessly driving on the way home. Yes, he may have been rushing to an emergency, but he came out of nowhere! No siren…lights on only AFTER he almost ran us off the road!

Decided to stop for a pizza on the way in, but I actually FORGOT, lol! Score one for me!

Got home to a clean kitchen. Yay! The boy actually cleaned up his mess that’s been there for days. Thanks!

Went to retreat in the living room…great, cat vomit on the SOFA!

Before I can even take care of that, I’ve got the 2nd grader acting grown again. I ask her to do something and she tells me what she’s going to do instead. Had to hurt her feelings (took away her DS and Wii for the rest of the week, no biggie)…which in turn hurt MY feelings because we don’t see each other all day and here’s what we have to go through soon as we get home?

Started dinner (spinach and cheese raviolis for her, leftover rice & beans and kale for myself).

Got the vomit up.

Checked homework.

Rinse. Repeat.

So, nothing major. Just a pretty annoying evening. All I want is to relax with an ice cold brew. Problem is I don’t want the empty calories. And goodness knows I have no interest in a light IPA! So for now, I’ll just say NO and mellow out with a cup of herbal tea.

I think I’ll make my 10PM bed time tonight…

 

Day 4 January 21, 2013

Filed under: Diet & Exercise, Stats — preciouscharlie @ 10:10 pm

Mood: 5

Energy level: 6

(scale= 1-10, 10 is high)

I can do:

Push-ups (knees down): 4

Plank: 10 seconds :(

(These are two exercises I have a love/hate relationship with. Goal is 20 push-ups and 1 minute plank)

 

Oh where oh where has my sunshine gone?

Filed under: Diet & Exercise, Random — preciouscharlie @ 9:47 pm

Oh where oh where has my sunshine gone?

It’s so hard to get up earlier than usual to work out!

Now add in the fact that Daylight Savings is still a couple months away…it’s DARK at 5:30 and 6AM! And even when the sun rises, it only brings daylight, not SUNSHINE! These cloudy days are killing me!

Meanwhile, I can’t manage a reasonable bedtime for the life of me. I shoot for 10PM (assuming I am rising at 6). I can still get [barely] sufficient sleep even if I’m out by 11, but factor in preparing for bed and my reading time, sigh…I’d have to go up to my room by 8PM. Not feasible at all. I am not situated after work until about 6 and the 2nd grader goes down at 8:30 so…

One thing I can do to help with my sleep is quit my evening workout. I won’t though. Not til I lose about 25 pounds. Then I’ll be comfortable with “one-a-days”.

Til then, let’s hope for the sun to bust through these clouds and just keep pushing through these dark mornings until March :)

 

Don’t dwell on the negative! January 20, 2013

Filed under: Diet & Exercise — preciouscharlie @ 7:48 pm

Today is Day 3 of the New Me. I am loosely following the Fat Smash Diet, but the first 9 days are key. It’s the “detox phase” where I’m limited to only fruits and veggies, beans, yogurt, egg whites, oats, and a few other things.  30 mins of exercise for 5 days is also a requirement.

Day 1= success. I managed under 1000 calories (I count for me, it’s not a part of the diet plan)

Day 2= success. Same deal.

Funny I could eat single meals totaling upwards of 1500 calories. Here I am eating under 1000 and I am still alive! I am getting a ton of protein and my sugars are [mostly] coming from my fruit intake. I probably drink at least a gallon of water a day and I make a point of drinking a tall glass before each meal.

Day 3= Okay. Minor slip as I had maybe a single BBQ chicken leg. It started off as a bite (still “forbidden”) because it smelled and looked so darn GOOD! I experimented with the slow cooker and the chicken came out WAY better than expected. I let my daughter taste a piece and she raved! She encouraged me to try a bite and I at first declined, but then I didn’t want her to catch me depriving myself. So I took a small piece…which led to another….and yet another. Since I’d already ruined the leg, I just put the rest of it on my dinner plate.

I’m still a little upset and feel somewhat tainted, but I know that I cannot focus on THAT. What I need to focus on is the fact that it’s 7:30 PM and I am around 900 calories. I may still have some strawberries and Cool Whip as a treat which will be a cheat, but it is an exception I make for myself so long as I measure.

The rest of the meal was a large portion of collards and a super-huge sweet potato-the greens only seasoned with a little salt & pepper and vinegar, the potato had nothing added. (Lunch was a mozzarella stick, grapes and 1/2 a banana [again not hungry/making myself eat]; for breakfast 1 cup oats + 1/2 banana–keeps me full for quite a while). All in all good day!

Also, I did 20 mins of Turbo Jam this morning and will be on the elliptical for 20 in a little while (shooting for a 10 PM bedtime). I like to rest on Sundays, but I don’t want to get lazy so I had to do something.

Even though I consumed poultry when I am not “supposed to” I did cook a somewhat Sunday dinner and am happy about that. As long as I own my slip-ups and hold myself accountable I will be okay. Gotta remember not to focus on the negative!

 

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