The Secret Life

a behind the scenes look at the consistently inconsistent life of an emotional eater…

Kudos to me! June 20, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — preciouscharlie @ 1:21 pm

So I have adopted a rule of no deprivation. That can lead to trouble, but today I am proud. I wanted pizza (my vice) and I GOT one! I ordered a small pie with 10 hotwings. I only ate two slices (the equivalent of one regular size slice or less even). The wing dings were TINY! I ate 5, but not because I was counting but becasue I was DONE. So I killed my craving by eating what I wanted and not over-doing it. Now…if I can manage to dump this Pepsi, I’ll be in the money! I have a hard time wasting, so that’s not realistic. I only drank 1/4 the can. Maybe I’ll let it get warm and nasty…then I’ll have no prob dumping it out.

So, I am happy. More than half-way through a crappy day at work and though I craved “bad” foods as a method of sopothing, I didn’t go overboard.

Yay me!

(now, I just have to be sure not to skip my workout this evening)

 

Lucky Charms and alcohol June 19, 2013

Filed under: Drama, Random — preciouscharlie @ 5:33 pm

I didn’t even realize I was eating…

Mindlessly shoved a 1/4 lb. of seafood salad into my face…then god only knows how may bowls of Lucky Charms right behind it. All on the tail end of a phone conversation with the Boy.

He’s been gone for almost a week now. I put him out because I was fed up and just TIRED. I wanted to be the one to leave, but it’s more feasible to go. He doesn’t have much as far as personal belongings are concerned. And besides, I have the little one. Speaking of…I now have to make the permanent decision to file for custody…something I’ve dreaded since day one and never acted on. All to keep the peace. Mistake? Probably. And speaking of PEACE, the house has been calm and quiet. Uncorrupt w/o him. I am not even sad. I am OKAY.

Meanwhile, this puts a monkey wrench in my immediate plans. Guess I’ll have to put that all on hold. It will work out in time. I will be fine. I have to be. There is no ¬†other option.

Meanwhile, I am down a pound from a month ago when I somewhat gave up on my healthy habits. I hadn’t been binging or eating loads of take out or anything. But I also wasn’t watching what I ate and I damn sure hadn’t been exercising. So maintaining and ultimately dropping a single pound is something to be happy about.

I have been exercising in recent days. I even finally bought a jumprope though I don’t use it as much as I’d like. I’ve eaten right and tried to get to bed at a decent hour…

And the boy continues to stress me (along with work and life in general). I am trying now to get him to hand over his KEY. That was the source of the argument this evening. It’s been “tomorrow” for almost a week now and I am fed up. I haven’t seen him since he left last week, but he’s been in the house on more than once and that makes me uncomfortable. Simply put, I don’t trust him.

I’ve been fighting the temptation to soothe with alcohol, but I think I will go for it. Sign me up for around 400 calories!

Good friggin’ night!

 

[Insert frowny face here] June 9, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — preciouscharlie @ 12:33 pm

Almost a month has passed since my last entry. Nothing has changed…well not for the better at least. I don’t recall the details, but it’s been one thing after another and one doughnut, one bagel, one fish stick after another. Part of the reason is my will power up and abandoned me at some point. So here we have my “roommate ” jam-packing the fridge with junk food and me unable to resist. I asked him politely to stop bringing in bad foods as the whole out of sight out of mind thing works wonders…for BOTH of us. Needless to say, that didn’t go over to well.

So now I sit here having Dunkin Donuts for brunch and trying not to pity myself. It seems that fort every step forward, I take TWO in the opposite direction. This is me in LIFE in general and it’s really got me down at the moment. I am going nowhere fast.

(So much for S.A.L.V.E., lol. It was good while it lasted)