The Secret Life

a behind the scenes look at the consistently inconsistent life of an emotional eater…

Checking in… March 16, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — preciouscharlie @ 5:49 pm

I’m feeling like I should have titled this post, “checked OUT”.

Sigh…

February was a rough month for me. Ups and downs with The Boy sent me into a downward spiral leading to what seems to be a spin cycle of insanity. Rampant emotions and calories walking hand in hand…a path to nowhere.

I figured if I sat down and calculated how much money I spent last month on eating out and/or junk food, that would help (upwards of $300). Um no. Made me sad. Made me walk my ass right back into the kitchen and submit to all of the BS lingering in my cabinets…which leads me to the realization that I can’t recall the last time I went grocery shopping. The boy has relapsed with his eating habits as well and has been stocking the fridge with “kid” cereals (loaded with sugar), lunch meats, and ice cream. This has pretty much been my diet to date. All that and pizza, pretzels, doughnuts, and bagels which have been on a constant parade through my office. Funny how all of that stuff has been there right at the time when I need the most comfort :/

I miss blogging. I was doing so well…or not. lol! I was at least TRYING though. Now I have all but given up and it saddens me. I want and need to turn this thing around. I haven’t stood on the scale since my last post, so I don’t know how many pounds I am up. Jeans are tighter though and I look and feel heavier. I’ve been out partying a couple times and thought I looked cute…then I saw the pictures. I can’t believe how quickly I start to spin backwards! It never fails to amaze me.

Someone broke into our house the other day. We are all fine. Thank goodness no one was home. With the alarm wailing in the backdrop the thieves didn’t have much time, but they managed to get into my bedroom and took my kid’s cash stash (a little over 200 bucks) which I had recently confiscated from her [for taking it to school] and shoved in my drawer. Sucks because if the money was in her room where she’d had it tucked away, she’d likely still have it (for the record, she knows nothing about the incident, but I still have to replace the cash). That’s all they took, so I can’t really complain…but just knowing that a stranger was rummaging through my bedroom-if only for a minute or two-still skeeves me out :(

The boy does not really fit the protector role, so I have been on my own with this…me and my chocolate…and chips…and soda…and whatever else I can think of.

I went to the mall Thursday to burn some Christmas giftcards to make myself feel better. I walked out with a super cute pair of sneakers, but my self-esteem took a serious blow. Seeing my reflection bouncing off the store windows had me questioning if that was really ME. And in the stores, I thought they were supposed to have “skinny mirrors” and good lighting! These mirrors seemed like those you find in a carnival funhouse, my figure so distorted, it was almost unrecognizable :(

So what now?

Though I am not moping around basking in “woe is me”, I have become quite sedentary. I spend most of my free time marinating in front of the television. I can’t recall the last time I worked out, but I certainly have the desire to. I suppose there “ain’t nothin’ to it but to DO it” but that’s easier said than done.

I see myself fit, fun, and loving life. That girl lives in my head and in my heart. I now have to work harder than ever to make her actually exist and be seen by all. Problem is I am lonely, tired, and borderline miserable. But this couch potato thing is old (it doesn’t take long).

Spring is just around the corner. Maybe nicer weather, blooming flowers, and the return of tweeting birds will encourage me to get out and be active. I know for sure that it will work if I work it [eating right and exercising]…I just have to get motivated again.

 

One Response to “Checking in…”

  1. didibuttonsley Says:

    Girl, you need a serious support group. Like, right now. Find some blogs that you like, and get some helpful and positive support. Even if you look at my blog and are, like, “This b@#ch is crazy” there’s a list of some really awesome blogs on there written by amazing and supportive women. Blogging has helped me a lot! It has helped me do away with some bad and self destructive habits- even if I am still always working on things.
    I think a lot of us emotional eaters become very addicted to “future dreaming.” We spend a lot of time daydreaming about a future where we are fit, healthy, well dressed, confident, and life is perfect. It takes a lot of little steps to make that a reality, and things go smoother if you have support. It’s so easy for us to become addicted to “the dream” instead of dealing with actual reality.
    It sounds like you are stuck in a bad living situation and not getting what you need at all. Get yourself out of there!

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