Emotional rollercoaster February 3, 2013
So isht finally hit the fan Friday night.
Long story short, I realized how much I actually DO care about a particular person though I may claim otherwise in anger. I am hurt and saddened and even though all signs point to EXIT (and have for quite some time), I am still wanting to hang on for dear life. Why? Love? Passion? Lust?
Whatever the case, we got the clear to get out of our lease early. That should be a good thing but it certainly doesn’t FEEL good. It is a reality I have wanted on and off, but now that it’s here I don’t know what to do with myself. Sigh… Now I have to deal with the stress of actually MOVING…again (2nd time in what will be 10 months). And though I’m not moving across the country, there will still be an adaption period. Goodness knows, it’s stressful to even THINK about the cost and labor associated with relocating…all after I FIND a place to live!
At this point, I can’t remember the last time I worked out, but I can tell you I ate 3 sausage patties and Belgian Waffle for breakfast on Saturday and tonight I finally let the pizza demons win over my will power. I could have done without the waffle as I felt weighed down after devouring only half of it. The pizza was greasy and filling, but for some reason I feel less guilt. Sausage, pepperoni, bell peppers, black olives, and mushrooms, OH-yeah! I think it has to do with the fact it has been an off limits food for me. I was only able to eat a slice and a half (I usually eat 3-4 slices) though. Also, I had to skip the crust because it the dough was just too rich! I am stuffed now, but I don’t feel HEAVY which is good. I had a Pepsi too and man it was like hitting the crack pipe! Felt soooo good going down!
And now? Now I’m sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing. I think I will watch a little TV and call it a night. Hey, it’s either stuff my face and marinate or sit here crying buckets. I choose the former. I will pull through though.
Owning the fact that I didn’t even attempt to make a grocery list or a meal plan. I have to learn to stay FOCUSED no matter what is going on in my world.