The Secret Life

a behind the scenes look at the consistently inconsistent life of an emotional eater…

Oh where oh where has my sunshine gone? January 21, 2013

Filed under: Diet & Exercise, Random — preciouscharlie @ 9:47 pm

Oh where oh where has my sunshine gone?

It’s so hard to get up earlier than usual to work out!

Now add in the fact that Daylight Savings is still a couple months away…it’s DARK at 5:30 and 6AM! And even when the sun rises, it only brings daylight, not SUNSHINE! These cloudy days are killing me!

Meanwhile, I can’t manage a reasonable bedtime for the life of me. I shoot for 10PM (assuming I am rising at 6). I can still get [barely] sufficient sleep even if I’m out by 11, but factor in preparing for bed and my reading time, sigh…I’d have to go up to my room by 8PM. Not feasible at all. I am not situated after work until about 6 and the 2nd grader goes down at 8:30 so…

One thing I can do to help with my sleep is quit my evening workout. I won’t though. Not til I lose about 25 pounds. Then I’ll be comfortable with “one-a-days”.

Til then, let’s hope for the sun to bust through these clouds and just keep pushing through these dark mornings until March :)

 

Don’t dwell on the negative! January 20, 2013

Filed under: Diet & Exercise — preciouscharlie @ 7:48 pm

Today is Day 3 of the New Me. I am loosely following the Fat Smash Diet, but the first 9 days are key. It’s the “detox phase” where I’m limited to only fruits and veggies, beans, yogurt, egg whites, oats, and a few other things.  30 mins of exercise for 5 days is also a requirement.

Day 1= success. I managed under 1000 calories (I count for me, it’s not a part of the diet plan)

Day 2= success. Same deal.

Funny I could eat single meals totaling upwards of 1500 calories. Here I am eating under 1000 and I am still alive! I am getting a ton of protein and my sugars are [mostly] coming from my fruit intake. I probably drink at least a gallon of water a day and I make a point of drinking a tall glass before each meal.

Day 3= Okay. Minor slip as I had maybe a single BBQ chicken leg. It started off as a bite (still “forbidden”) because it smelled and looked so darn GOOD! I experimented with the slow cooker and the chicken came out WAY better than expected. I let my daughter taste a piece and she raved! She encouraged me to try a bite and I at first declined, but then I didn’t want her to catch me depriving myself. So I took a small piece…which led to another….and yet another. Since I’d already ruined the leg, I just put the rest of it on my dinner plate.

I’m still a little upset and feel somewhat tainted, but I know that I cannot focus on THAT. What I need to focus on is the fact that it’s 7:30 PM and I am around 900 calories. I may still have some strawberries and Cool Whip as a treat which will be a cheat, but it is an exception I make for myself so long as I measure.

The rest of the meal was a large portion of collards and a super-huge sweet potato-the greens only seasoned with a little salt & pepper and vinegar, the potato had nothing added. (Lunch was a mozzarella stick, grapes and 1/2 a banana [again not hungry/making myself eat]; for breakfast 1 cup oats + 1/2 banana–keeps me full for quite a while). All in all good day!

Also, I did 20 mins of Turbo Jam this morning and will be on the elliptical for 20 in a little while (shooting for a 10 PM bedtime). I like to rest on Sundays, but I don’t want to get lazy so I had to do something.

Even though I consumed poultry when I am not “supposed to” I did cook a somewhat Sunday dinner and am happy about that. As long as I own my slip-ups and hold myself accountable I will be okay. Gotta remember not to focus on the negative!

 

Yard work January 19, 2013

Filed under: Drama — preciouscharlie @ 10:55 pm

So I took some advice to go out and do something small.

My intent was to get up the residual leaves from out front which have been bugging me for quite some time. I accomplished that mission all too quickly and decided to do the entire pine cone & vine crusted lawn! Great, right? Fresh air. Moving my body.

Then he* came home…from the gym no less (this guy is trying to lose 60 lbs, but continues to bring JUNK food into the house).

All was fine until I opened my big mouth and asked for a hand (I was at peace working alone, but I could really use some help). He said okay. Changed his clothes and came out to assist. By then I had about 20 small piles which needed to be bagged. So when he asked me what I wanted him to do, I said to bag the piles. He suggested he hold the bags while I load them and I reluctantly complied. Then, midway through the first bag he says, “Why don’t we just put in all in the trash cans?”

Does anybody actually do that? Maybe. Personally, I think it’s rude to the garbage collectors…and besides there’s an ordinance in our township that all leaves and shrubbery must be bagged. When I tell him this, he insists it will take too long and he’ll have no part in it. So without argument, I continue doing things MY way and he goes back into the house.

I scanned the yard, absorbing the mess I’d created and felt absolutely defeated. But nonetheless, I was determined to get the job done with or without his help.

Bagging was a tiresome and annoying task. I was plowing through until the sun started to set and it got colder out.  Very soon, I was unable to see, so I chose to call it quits. FAIL!

A sudden urge to order a pizza came over me. Nothing like grease and cheese to fix hurt feelings and defeat, right? WRONG!

Reminding myself I am only on day 2 and I can’t cave this soon, I went back into the house, showered, and prepared a proper meal: Red beans, brown rice, and kale w/ a side of awesome sauce!

At this moment, I feel very proud of myself for fighting temptation. It won’t be long before the next round, so I need to mentally gear up. Game ON!

*HE is my roommate aka my daughter’s father (short story). Needless to say, our so-called relationship needs major work.

 

Dangerously bored

Filed under: Random — preciouscharlie @ 2:12 pm

It’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I am sitting in the house on the computer. I want to go out and DO things, but my energy level is still quite low. I worked out when I got up [late] this morning, so that’s a plus. But the next thing you know, it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon and I am marinating on the couch!

I’d like to be on a nice winter hike somewhere…or painting in an art class…or better yet, fine dining at a good ole American buffet!

:(

 

Intro January 18, 2013

Filed under: Stats, Weight Loss — preciouscharlie @ 10:29 pm

(I know I’m late but if I’d posted this first, I wouldn’t have gotten started)

Name: Charlie

Age: 25-34

Sex: Female

Height: 5′7

Current weight: 198

Goal weight: 155 (any lower and I start to look like a bobble head. Eff the BMI!)

Size: Can get into a 12, but it’s not pretty. I refuse to go higher! Been there. Done that. Also, I am a L-XL.

Goal size: 8-10 or Medium (and yes, I do this at 155-160 lbs)

My journey:

I have been up and down with my weight since high school. I maintain for up to two years before I start to fall back into old habits. Usually it starts with a spell of emotional eating. Sometimes I can get back on track (eating right, exercising regularly) and others, I just give up and watch the pounds slowly creep on.

My peak weight was 201 lbs-hit twice now, most recently in August 2012. The last time, was in 2007. At that time, I did Fat Smash and in 6 months, I was down to 145 (and looking rather sickly in a size 6). I crept back up to a comfortable 155 and remained there for the next couple years.

By 2010, I was up to 160 and figured as long as I stayed in the 160-65 range, I’d be good. After a bout with major depression later that year though, I started slipping and the pounds slowly came back. I spent 2011 gaining (slow and steady, w/ little bursts of dieting and exercising here and there) and was 190+ all of 2012. When I hit 201…AGAIN, I was ready for a change.

I started a weight loss journey September 1, 2012 and lost 17 lbs before Thanksgiving…then I got lazy. I let daily stressors (and holiday treats) get to me. I caved to cravings with little to no remorse. My workouts dwindled to non-existent…and here I am. Gained 14 pounds back, just like that!

So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I look forward to sharing my ups and downs (as there will be MANY). Thank you for reading.

Enjoy!

 

Day 1

Filed under: Diet & Exercise — preciouscharlie @ 9:28 pm

A.M. workout-TaeBo 50 min. YAY! I plan to do this for the next 9 days which will coincide with Phase 1 of my altered version of The [original] Fat Smash Diet (you will find my methods are somewhat old-school, but they are tried and true [for me] so I resort to what I know).

Breakfast: Oatmeal (old fashioned oats with 1/4 cup 1% milk and 1 packet of Splenda for taste) & a banana - 300 calories*

Daily cheat: Coffee w/ 1tbsp french vanilla creamer-40 calories

Snack: Apple-100 calories

Lunch: 6oz yogurt (this should NOT count as a meal, I was simply not hungry. Made myself eat so I wouldn’t GET hungry)-100 calories

PM workout: Turbo Jam 20-min workout

Dinner: 3 egg spinach omelette (no cheese. Just eggs [which should be egg whites] and spinach)-300 calories

*calories roughly estimated

If round way up, I hit around 900 for the day. I shoot for around 1200. Had I eaten a more hearty lunch, I would have hit my mark. Assuming I make it through the night without snacking, today=success

:)

 

Farewell to Fat Party! January 17, 2013

Filed under: Weight Loss — preciouscharlie @ 11:03 pm

Who: Just me

When: Tonight

Where: My house

Time: 6-10 PM

WHY?

You like to hear it? Here it go:

Today, I craved a soft pretzel (something soft, chewy, with a hint if salt, and LOADED with carbs).  So I hopped in my car on my lunch break and headed for Wawa. I got TWO pretzels AND a bagel-melt. I’d never had one before. I didn’t WANT one. But it was THERE, whispering to me, “Try me. You’ll like me.” I figured, why not? The darn thing was $3.99! WHY? For this little piece of pure CRAP (semi-burnt bagel with ham, salami, and provolone)? But by the time the cashier scanned the price, I had somehow convinced myself that I NEEDED this bagel melt. I didn’t put it back. Just paid the five bucks and some change for my “meal” and left.

1150 calories and god only knows how many grams of fat later, I was fed up!

Feeling weighed down and lethargic, I decided today is the day! I’m not spending 2013 in my fat jeans and yoga pants! I am going to fit my regular clothes and look damn good in a bikini this summer! I’ve done it before and I can do it again [details at another time]!

By the time I left work, I had created a meal plan for the next several days and was ready to get this show on the road. Only problem was I have none of the needed groceries. I’ll go shopping for a few things tomorrow. In the meantime, I gobbled up anything I wanted when I got home. I’m talking a HUGE chunk of carrot cake (it was the last piece, I needed it out of my face), vanilla ice cream, a beer (the plan was to drink whatever was left in the fridge tonight so I can be alcohol free for the next few weeks–but there were too many), around 4 bowls of Honey Smacks (don’t ask), and the grand finale–a can of Healthy Request sausage gumbo (with added salt for taste)! I took my last bite at 10pm. I feel good and disgusted now. I’m geared up for a fresh start.

Was all this necessary? No. It was fun–at first. My final binge before I take the New Me challenge. But now I feel sick. I sometimes wish I could make myself purge. That has never been the case though. Whatever I take in STAYS (hence my new pear-shaped figure).

So here I am, physically feeling like crud but mentally ready to move on. Alas, I bid adieu to Fat Me! Tomorrow is a brand new day…

 

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