The Secret Life

a behind the scenes look at the consistently inconsistent life of an emotional eater…

Slippin’ and a slidin’! January 31, 2013

Filed under: Drama, Random — preciouscharlie @ 10:04 pm

That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing this past week. Tonight I had last night’s leftover Chinese. I don’t know why I even bought it in the first place. Yes I do. Because I couldn’t deal. Going in circles with the boy again. I know I need to leave. I’ve been apartment hunting, but not seriously enough for it to work. And then he always tries to play nice when he realizes that I am moving on. I know I CAN leave. I’ve done it before just like I’ve lost the weight before…come to think of it, I believe I lost the weight (via proper diet and exercise) shortly after I LEFT him the first time. Maybe that’s what it’s going to take to keep me on point. I don’t know.

What I do know is the next time I step on that scale (probably in about a week) I want to see my digits down by at least 5. I know that I want to be able to button these jeans [which I wore today] the next time I put them on!

I know that blogging helps keep me on task.

I know I’m not ready to give up!

How do I get back to my exercise regimen? I was doing so well and then just like that…stopped. I rationalize by saying that I am letting muscles relax before I go hard again…but it’s been seven days! I MUST get back on the wagon or I am not going to make my goal. Not any time this year at least.

So now what?

I’m not going to say I’ll get up early and get ‘er done. Sheesh, I am already dreading trudging through work tomorrow (like my positive attitude, don’t you). I can’t even begin to THINK about getting up an hour early to exercise. Sigh…such a disappointment.

Why do I let LIFE get to me?

At this moment, I can commit to writing out my meals for the next few days. Maybe I’ll even grab some groceries on the way home. I was doing so well when I was cooking. But my recent sadness made me lazy and dinner the past few nights has been Apple Jacks or Honey Smacks…yep.

Writing it all out helps me OWN it. I see these words and I am like, “really?” I’m thinking about all the meals I’ve prepared the past couple weeks. I’m thinking of how good it feels to FINISH a workout. Thinking of how AWFUL it feels when I am to the bottom of a carton of Hunan Chicken…

I can do this. I know I can. I often wonder if that is part of the reason I am NOT doing it…because I know I can and will when I am ready. Well I’m ready NOW dammit. My heart is. My head isn’t quite with me though because it’s just too darn cloudy. I need to just be and let be and in the meantime, do ME!

I’m baaaaaaaaack!

:)

(aaaand scene!)

 

One Response to “Slippin’ and a slidin’!”

  1. didibuttonsley Says:

    Good luck getting out of a bad relationship.
    I used to date jerks, because I thought that was all that I deserved and that I couldn’t do better. It was like I was punishing myself for not being perfect by dating crappy people who weren’t right for me.
    I can tell you something that is absolutely true: You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be loved and REALLY seen by somebody who understands you. A guy who is only nice when he is afraid that you are leaving isn’t worth your time, trouble, or effort.
    Hope you find the strength you need to move on and take care of yourself.

    Didi
    http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/didibuttonsley/

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