The Secret Life

a behind the scenes look at the consistently inconsistent life of an emotional eater…

Slippin’ and a slidin’! January 31, 2013

Filed under: Drama, Random — preciouscharlie @ 10:04 pm

That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing this past week. Tonight I had last night’s leftover Chinese. I don’t know why I even bought it in the first place. Yes I do. Because I couldn’t deal. Going in circles with the boy again. I know I need to leave. I’ve been apartment hunting, but not seriously enough for it to work. And then he always tries to play nice when he realizes that I am moving on. I know I CAN leave. I’ve done it before just like I’ve lost the weight before…come to think of it, I believe I lost the weight (via proper diet and exercise) shortly after I LEFT him the first time. Maybe that’s what it’s going to take to keep me on point. I don’t know.

What I do know is the next time I step on that scale (probably in about a week) I want to see my digits down by at least 5. I know that I want to be able to button these jeans [which I wore today] the next time I put them on!

I know that blogging helps keep me on task.

I know I’m not ready to give up!

How do I get back to my exercise regimen? I was doing so well and then just like that…stopped. I rationalize by saying that I am letting muscles relax before I go hard again…but it’s been seven days! I MUST get back on the wagon or I am not going to make my goal. Not any time this year at least.

So now what?

I’m not going to say I’ll get up early and get ‘er done. Sheesh, I am already dreading trudging through work tomorrow (like my positive attitude, don’t you). I can’t even begin to THINK about getting up an hour early to exercise. Sigh…such a disappointment.

Why do I let LIFE get to me?

At this moment, I can commit to writing out my meals for the next few days. Maybe I’ll even grab some groceries on the way home. I was doing so well when I was cooking. But my recent sadness made me lazy and dinner the past few nights has been Apple Jacks or Honey Smacks…yep.

Writing it all out helps me OWN it. I see these words and I am like, “really?” I’m thinking about all the meals I’ve prepared the past couple weeks. I’m thinking of how good it feels to FINISH a workout. Thinking of how AWFUL it feels when I am to the bottom of a carton of Hunan Chicken…

I can do this. I know I can. I often wonder if that is part of the reason I am NOT doing it…because I know I can and will when I am ready. Well I’m ready NOW dammit. My heart is. My head isn’t quite with me though because it’s just too darn cloudy. I need to just be and let be and in the meantime, do ME!

I’m baaaaaaaaack!

:)

(aaaand scene!)