What will the scale show?
That was what I was gonna write last night but I was so tired and sleepy that I couldn’t hold my eyes open and I went to bed. Well, I went tonight, after having to miss last week because of the retirement party, and I had lost .4. Disappointing because I felt I had done really well the past few days and I have been walking again. But then I had to remind myself that I had probably gained a couple of lbs from the previous weekend and then lost them. I do feel like I am back on track now. I am working really hard on eating when I am hungry (not just because it’s “Time to eat”) and stopping when I am full. Tonight, Liz didn’t go (too tired after closeout) so I went to Wendys after WW and got a small chili and 5 pc. chicken nuggetsfor 9 points, and then had a peach that was my afternoon snack from work (too busy to eat it then). Then I went and did my grocery shopping at Walmart. I
knew better than to go when I was hungry!Then I went to Little Caesars and picked up pizza to carry home for the guys. I was craving something sweet, and had entertained the idea of splurging for a candy bar or pastry while I was shopping. I convinced myself thtat I really did not want those things, but I did stop at McD.’s to get them tea, and I got myself a vanilla cone (3 pts.) I still had plenty of points left for the day, plus it was WI day, when I usally splurge, so I thought, I’ll order an apple pie. I ended up getting 2 because you get 2 for $1. After I ate the cone, I was really satisfied. It was as if the apple pies kept calling out to me “eat me, eat me” but - I didn’t give in!! YAY me! I know that many times I have gotten 2 and ate them. Me and my closet binging. But I am proud that I didn’t give in and talked myself thru it. HOWEVER- at home I did end up eating 11/2 slices of the pizza. It was hot and cheesy and hard to resist. But I still didn’t eat the pies, and I had enough points to cover the pizza. Small baby steps are still steps in the right direction.
While walking, I am talking to myself (not out loud, don’t want people to think I’m nuts, LOL) telling myself I CAN do this, I WILL do this, I CAN lose this weight and I WILL, I CAN KEEP IT OFF AND I WILL. I can’t quite picture myself thin, after all I’ve only been thin once in my adult life and it was for such a short time and so long ago. On the other hand, you often don’t realize how big you are until you catch an unexpected look in the mirror or see yourself in a picture. Inside, I usually don’t feel nearly as big as I am. Of course every now and then, I feel absolutely HUGE, embarrassed to be seen and extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. Humans are SO messed up. No wonder it’s so hard for your brain to catch up to your body when you lose a lot of weight. I have a coworker who had gastric bypass a few months ago and is now tiny. She looks wonderful and I’m very happy for her. She’s still young and unmarried and just starting to date at this new size. She said it’s still very hard to see herself as small, she’s been overweight her whole life. I guess that’s one good thing I can say about losing so slowly- it gives me plenty of time to adjust to the changes, too much time. But I will get there and every .1 lb down is going in the right direction. I feel positive and upbeat and hope to hold on to this attitude. I have to do this unless I want to lose my sight, my limbs, my kidney function, and my dignity, not to mention I want to be an active part of my grandchildren’s lives when I have some one day.
Well, it’s late again, and tomorrow is another day. Oh yeah- I LOVE baby carrots now with FF Ranch dressing. Who would have thought I would EVER love carrots?! : )