Yippee!
Tonight was weigh in and I lost 3.2 lbs! I’m at a total of 24. 2, so less than 5 lbs to get to my 10%. I got my clapping hand charm because I just finished my 16th week. I can’t wait to get my 10% award. Now if I can just sustain this new momentum. I’m being careful to track everything even if I didn’t do well. Still afraid to start walking again because of my back but I have been doing a lot of arm work with the 3 lb weights. Kayla took a picture of me to show me the comparison to my beginning “before” picture. They’re on her digital camera so I can’t really see them side by side. She says there is a big difference between the 2 but I was disappointed. I still looked huge, especialy my torso. But then, even though I feel smaller and know I am because I’m fitting into things that had been too tight, I remind myself that I still weigh 272 lbs!!!! No wonder I look big- that IS big. I remember being 19 and being mortified that I weighed 226. What I wouldn’t give to be back at 226 right now! But I’ll get there, even if it’s slowly but surely. I miss the days when I could lose 20lbs in a month, but I tell myself it’s better for me to lose it slowly like this. Gives me time to adjust as I go along and gets the good habits ingrained in me hopefully.
When I went to the doctor we talked about what my ultimate goal would be. I told him my initial goal is to get under 235, because I have not been below that # since I had my first child, who will be 23 tomorrow! And that my ultimate goal was 188. I have a large frame and even though I’m only 5′6, that’s about a size 12 for me. He had some little gadget he used to figure BMI and other stuff and it said 187 was a reasonable goal for me. I think that gadget said that would be a BMI of 30, but those formulas don’t really take into account different builds. I was about that weight when I got married 25 years ago, so even if it takes me a long time to get there, that’s okay. I’m going to enjoy the journey and take one day at a time.
Now I have to do goog thru the weekend. I love having Fridays off in the summer but know that being at home an extra day can throw me off track if I let it. Hopefully I’ll have one of those good energetic weekends where I get a lot done, rather than one of those that is lazy, bored and eating too much. I can do this-just take it day by day and pray!
I was supposed to go tomorrow for blood work, but they called and asked me to reschedule. That’s good and bad because I was dreading the blood sugar results but I really do need to know if it is high, so I can adjust what I am eating to make it better. Try not to worry, remember-one day at a time is the only way to go-don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow, today has enough of its own.
Oh well, let me sign off and go read thru the forums before it gets any later!! Bye for now.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Excellent job!!!!!
Now, don’t go blowing it this long weekend, ok? Don’t want to lose this nice momentum!!! I KNOW you can do it!
June 21st, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Thank you Sunny, wish I had taken this advice! It has NOT been a good weekend. We decided at the last minute to have a pizza party for DS’s BD, so I spent the afternoon running all over town for everything we needed, didn’t have a lot of time to get it all done, and got more and more stressed. My DH was with me for the afternoon trying to help, but I was extremely irritable and not very fun to be around. We finally made it home, got things ready, & friends and family came over and enjoyed the party. I wasn’t really hungry and ate 1 slice of cheese pizza and a very small piece of cake with a spoon of ice cream. After everyone left and I cleaned up, I ended up eating 4 more slices of pizza and a big piece of cake with ice cream. I hated myself when it was over, not to mention felt like I was gonna throw up!! But after thinking about what I had done and why, I realized that no, it wasn’t because I had TOM (although I’m sure that didn’t help!), or because of the stress of the party, but mostly it was because Father’s Day was near and I miss my father so badly. This is my 2nd without him, and seems just as difficult as the 1st. At church today someone sang “Daddy’s Hands” & I immediately had to walk out. We had a potluck dinner after the service and I did great-not hungry, ate very little, NO dessert though they looked tempting- just wasn’t very interested. Great, huh? BUT… I made up for it later at home. 2 pieces of apple pie (sugar free but NOT calorie free) potato salad, another piece of DS’s birthday cake, and chicken & pastry. Why do I DO this to myself??? I sit here now worried about dying young like my father, but seem to sabatage myself at every turn to make sure it happens. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do, it’s like I have no control at times, and I feel like some junkie desperate for her next fix. Other times, I feel good and in control. If I only I could capture that feeling and save it for times when it’s needed! All I can do is keep getting up and trying again each time I fall, and keep trying to live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. But it sure can be hard. I am very grateful for sites like this and for people like you. I want to get to know everyone better, but haven’t had much time to get online lately. I’d like to help support you and others and not just be on the receiving end. We’re all in this together, and together sure is better than alone!! Thanks for your encouagement.
Rhonda