Little Red Tiger

I’m calling it the first week because I’m going to go by my weigh-in schedule at TOPS. So, last night I went to the meeting and weighed in. I’m very happy to report that I lost 3.5 lbs, which puts me at 257.1.

I was one of the top winners (they have two winners per meeting) and I wore a sparkly tiara and had a lovely song sung to me. I was so happy to have done so well. Of course, I had worked my butt off this last week. I kept my calories right at 1500 every day and did 6 days of cardio (at least an hour). We didn’t eat out one time and neither of us missed that because of how terrific I’m cooking lately.

Last weeks menu consisted of spinach and cheese stuffed chicken, stuffed peppers, Buffalo chicken wraps, and steak and salad. I love coming up with new ideas and finding new recipes. This week, I’m making pizza meatloaf and lemon-basil chicken as the new items to add to my ever-growing cookbook of low calorie, healthy, and tasty dishes.

I’m thinking about starting a section in my Blog for recipes. Maybe others like me are searching for new things to cook and I know I can provide some great recipes. At least Joe and I think they are great. LOL.

In other news, it is hot as blazes here! I hardly want to go out and do anything. We went to Kroger’s this morning for fresh veggies and to Starbucks for an iced coffee. I saw Melissa there, who will be my boss just as soon as she puts me on the schedule. Looks like I will be working at Bux sometime in the middle of July. I’m very excited and even more determine to drop as many pounds as possible.

Today is going really great. I did my first 90 minute workout this morning. 45 min. on the elliptical and 45 min. on the treadmill. I’m so proud of myself for sticking it out and plan to do it again tomorrow. My weight was down to 255.0 this morning. That thrilled me. I’ve decided to not change my ticker on 3FC until after my Tuesday TOPS weigh-in. Joe and I talked about it and agree that keeping things simple is smart for me. Can’t forget that I’ll be back to working next month and won’t have as much time to devote to record keeping. It’s enough that I know I’m losing!!

My calories have been spot on so far this week. I’ve taken the under 1500 calorie challenge from TOPS and so far so good. Yesterday, I did 1499 and today I’m at 1502. Dang those 2 calories!!! LOL. Anyway, I see that it’s doable as long as I’m VERY careful with what I put in my mouth.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching about the reasons why I’ve let myself remain fat for so many years. I don’t know if I have any real answers, but I do wonder if it’s because some part of me just doesn’t believe I deserve it. Sure I love food and eating, but that doesn’t explain why I get so out of control and abuse my body like I do. When I’m out of control with my eating, I spend so much energy berating myself for being worthless and pathectic. I know this is detrimental to success, yet I’ve allowed it to happen time and time over the years.

These last few weeks (not counting vacation week where I blew it big time), I’ve been so postive and proud of myself for keeping strong with my exercise and eating. I go to bed at night and there is no non-vocal tongue lashing being given to me, by me. Instead I lay there feeling happy and excited for the next day to begin so I can do well and make progress.

I don’t know how to explain it, but I think this time I really might succeed. I’m starting to believe that I can do this! I know it has to be done. I can’t keep using life as an excuse and I know that Joe isn’t going to let me get away with doing that, even though he has also used it as my excuse. Work, Alisha, life’s stresses are not good enough reasons to not do what is right for my body and soul.  

I spent a lot of time this morning while I was working out trying to visualize myself as a thin woman. I know exactly what I look as a fat woman and have even exaggerated that in my own mind until I’ve created a mental and distorted image of someone truly grotesque. Of course, I know this isn’t true. Joe has taught me that I’m a pretty girl with a great body that would be even greater at a healthy weight. Joe’s image of me and mine own twisted image have often confused me. I know what he says is true, so therefore that has to mean what I think of myself is wrong. I have to change my twisted thinking and I will!!

Tonight I joined TOPS because I know that having the accountability of a weekly weigh-in and the support from other people is vital to my success. The group is large, outgoing, and very welcoming. They have a digital scale, which is much nicer than those other types. My first weigh-in was…….260.6 lbs. DISGUSTING!!!! Of course telling Joe the horrendously huge number was awful and he was shocked, but of course so supportive and encouraging that I will get the weight off. And I WILL!!!

So, I think I will like this group. They meet on Tuesday nights with a long weigh-in time due to the amount of members (over 50) and then an hour meeting. They started a new contest tonight that I plan on winning, and I brought home a little stuffed cat (they have this basket full of stuffed animals with different instructions attached) with a tag that said I’m to stay below 1500 calories a week. That will be hard since I seem to be manging between 1600 and 1700 a day. But, I plan on working really hard at it because I want my next weigh to be fabulous!

I had a good day with my eating. Made my pita pizza and realized that the Italian sausage needs to be cut way back in mine to keep the calories and fat grams in check. I had a great workout this morning doing an hour and 15 minutes on the elliptical and treadmill. Joe got out his free weights for me and I plan to start working on my arms and upper body.

I feel really great and optimistic.

OK, I decided to start a blog so that I can track my successful weight-loss journey, which has now begun. I have started this journey more times than I can remember and have made a few successes along the way, only to back track and end up worse off than ever. Yes, I’m disgusted, disgruntled, and wholly ashamed of myself. Sure there are a slew of excuses, and I guess some valid reasons, as to why I  weigh what I do, but truth be told it just doesn’t cut it anymore. I HAVE to get this weight off!! NOW!!

This morning I wrote a post on 3FC about what my reasons are for losing weight. This is what I said:

I want the imagine I have in my head to fit the reality.
I want to look sexy in Victoria Secret clothes
I want to be healthy and not be diabetic like my mother and others in my family are.
I want to be able to do things outside like hiking, biking, and swimming
I want to tuck a shirt in, wear something sleeveless, actually go out in public wearing shorts, put on a swimsuit, sexy lingerie, high heels, etc!
I want to be naked while not sucking my stomach in. As if that helps anyway.
I want family and friends to be wowed by my hotness.

Finally, I want to do this for the love of my life, Joe. Joe has accepted me, loved me, encouraged me, and believed in me. All he asked when we got together three years ago was that I get fit and healthy so we can live a long life together. I HAVE to make that happen for him!

• I’m working out at the gym five days a week for an hour of cardio and plan to up that to six days a week. I’m developing my own cookbook filled with healthy, low-calorie recipes to feed Joe and I.
• I’ve rejoined 3FC and am working on becoming a regular poster and reader of all the great advice and encouragement to be found on that site.
• Tomorrow night I plan to rejoin TOPS where weekly weigh-ins will provide the necessary accountability I separately need.
• I started this blog and vow to write in it regularly and to be honest with my feelings be they successes or setbacks.