It’s true. I can’t believe I did this. I had to quit my job to take care of my mother full time, which led to comfort eating in a big way. Last weekend I stepped on the scale to discover (much to my horror and shame) that I was at 205 lbs.
Still, at least I’m already working on fixing it. I stepped on the scale on Friday and I was at 203 or so. So, it’s going to be fixed eventually. I’m just super ashamed of myself for letting it happen. I haven’t been this heavy in years, and it was a major blow to me.
My sister-in-law graduated from Georgia State recently, and the pictures from her graduation party were horrendous! At least of me, anyway. Still, I keep reminding myself that I can take off the weight quicker than I did before. Last time I was this heavy, it took me two years and a round of anorexia to get to 155 (222-155). This time will be quicker (and healthier!). I can do this, and I can do this in a timely manner. Because seriously, this is ridiculous.
So, I’m back in the saddle, as it were. 4 Hour Body worked really well last time, so I’m using it again. I’m stricter now than I was before, but I’m finding it easier than I did before as well. Last time, I didn’t eat the legumes or veggies that I should have, whereas now I’m making sure I get all the nutrients I need. I honestly haven’t had any cravings and I’ve been on it for over a week now. Hopefully that’s a good sign.
Yesterday was my cheat day (say what you will about cheat days, but they save my sanity and keep me from feeling deprived), and I didn’t actually do that badly. Today I’m fasting, however. It’s a trick DBF (same one as a year ago) stumbled across, and seems to work well for him. Evidently, it gets rid of Cheat Day’s water weight, so we’ll see how it goes. It’s not nearly as hard as I thought it would be, but then, I did gorge myself yesterday.
As for my life right now….it’s on hold. In January, my parents asked me to quit my job and take care of my mother full time until this coming September. I’m happy to play the dutiful daughter (as the youngest daughter, it’s my responsibility), but I’m a little disappointed that I don’t get to move in with DBF like I had planned. It will come in time, though.
My biggest hurdle, currently, is crippling depression. Over these past few months, I’ve spiraled down several times, but have managed to keep myself from hitting rock bottom again. Depression and anxiety are both things that my family has a long history with. I’m hoping that focusing on weight loss and self-improvement will help keep me upbeat.
In the long run, this will be just a speed bump. Plus, everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe this is all teaching me something that I needed to learn.
I’ve also got two new tattoos which I absolutely LOVE. They make me happy. The one on my hip is large and has a ring of daisies surrounding the word “Laugh”. The other is pretty small (three or so inches in width), on my left shoulder, and says “Qualis Vita Finis Ita”. It’s the motto from our family Coat of Arms, and translates to something like “What kind of life, such is the end.” In English, we’d probably say “as a man lives, so he dies.”