Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

THE ABRIDGED VERSION:

I’m a 22 year old Navy wife currently living in Norfolk, VA. My husband and I have moved with the military 5 times in less than 5 years and needless to say I have experienced a lot of stress associated with it. I have struggled with weight loss beginning in the second grade. My peak weight was 270 pounds around January of 2006. I began losing some when I finished school and began working FT and in December of 2006 my then BF proposed and I was determined to lose for our wedding. I managed to get down to 230 pounds by May of 2007 and then in January of 2008 reclaimed my diet and lost down to 155 pounds by October of 2008. Life got really hard when my mother died in December of 2008 and my diet went to the dogs. I have since tried off and on to continue my weight loss but have been unsuccessful. As of today July 12, 2010 I’m 5′3 and weigh 183 pounds. I hope to begin losing again and ultimately reach 135 pounds; a very reasonable goal for my height for which a normal BMI is between 105 and 140 pounds.

THE WHOLE 9 YARDS:

I was born in December of 1987 in South Carolina. I was a “normal” child with a birth weight of 6lbs 6oz and all ten fingers and toes. I’m an only child and although we didn’t have a lot of money, I was spoiled and pretty much had everything I wanted within reason. I didn’t really have any other kids my age to play with and mainly spent my whole childhood indoors with the tv and my video games. When I was old enough to start school at 5, I was still a healthy (if not small) weight. I continued until the 2nd grade without any weight issues. Sometime in 2nd grade I began to gain, slowly at first and it continued throughout my teenage years… I think it all started when I would come home from school and I was under the supervision of my cousins for a few hours after school until my Mom got home. They were about 5 years older than me and didn’t “really” watch me. I was a very independent child and didn’t really need much. I would come home and microwave something as an “afterschool snack”, but to a 7yr old that was whatever looked good straight out of the can- the whole can. I’m talking chilli beans, spaghetti w/ meatballs, beef stew w/ a WHOLE pack of crackers… I had no idea what portion control was then. Then Mom would come home and I’d eat dinner only a few hours later. We also never had a shortage of sweets and candy, my mom was a chocoholic, sometimes we would eat a whole bag of Reese cups in one sitting as a family! My parents also loved to go out to eat and me being the only child got to choose frequently where we went, my childhood favorites; Mcdonald’s, Pizza Buffet, Ryan’s (a buffet), and Burgerking. Wow, I knew where the good stuff was huh? So by the time I got to the 5th grade I was pretty overweight and a fully developed C-cup at age 11. When I first entered middle school I actually had a growth spurt that put me at a nice height for my heavy body ( I looked like a 16yr old), but I got picked on b/c of my boobs and I think that gave me insecurites. Man if I could have waited another 2yrs to develop those boys would have been changing their tune. I continued to gain and this time very rapidly! By the end of 8th grade I was over 200lbs and wearing size 18 jeans and a DD-cup. Over the summer before high school I dieted and exercised and I believe I lost down to about 175-180 and I felt good about myself. I really lost it way too quick though and as soon as those school lunches and “afterschool snacks” started back, I put it back on plus more- way more. By the end of my freshmen year I want to say I was in a size 20 and probably 220lbs. Bummer- another summer came and I dieted again, this time I lost to about 165 and FELT BEAUTIFUL! I bought new clothes and even the teachers commented on how great I looked. Same song and dance- I gained it all back even quicker this time plus more again… By the end of sophmore year I think I just didn’t even try anymore. I started junior year and progressed to a size 24, I have no idea what my weight was. After junior year I stopped normal high school and went to adult education to graduate early; I also held a FT job and had no time for exercise. My BF (now DH) had graduated and signed up to go in the Navy. I cried and cried, I was so depressed those last 6 months before he left. His graduation from boot camp was in February of 2006 and I went in all my glory of 270lbs, my heaviest yet. At this point we had been together for a little over a year. We continued our long distance relationship and I flew out to California to see him about every three months. While he was away I started working 2 jobs plus overtime, honestly it was the best thing for my weight loss. By December of 2006 I had lost down to around 240 without even trying. While I was spending Christmas and my Birthday with my BF, he proposed and I couldn’t have been happier! When I got back home I was determined to lose weight before I became his wife! I lost another 10 pounds by February 2007, when we got married. Even though we had a courthouse wedding I bought a dress in hopes that one day, we’d have a do-over. In May of 2007 I officially moved to California with DH and for a while I didn’t diet. I maintained around 220-230 until November 2007, when I decided to do it for real. I started my weight loss program and dropped from 230 in November 2007 to 155 by October of 2008! This journey wasn’t easy and I had a few bumps at the beggining. I really charged hard from May 2008 (when we moved to Washington state) to October 2008 and thats where the bulk of the loss happened. During all this my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. In October as I was talking to my Dad, he let me know (indirectly) that things weren’t going so well for her, and I decided to go home to see her. I arrived in mid-November and I was shocked at her condition. I don’t know if I will ever truly get over them not telling my how bad things were until this point. I spent a couple of weeks at home and didn’t worry with diet and exercise. As soon as I got back to Washington, it was time to move again and I became caught up in moving and Thanksgiving. Well December rolls around and I get a promotion with more responsibility and longer hours, great for the wallet- bad for the diet. At this point I may have gained to 160 and was maintaining there. On December 12th, 2008 I got a call at 5am, it was my Dad and he told us to come home as fast we could. We got there around 8pm and went to hospice to see my Mom. She was almost catatonic. I held up fairly well on the outside. She died the next day. We had the funeral and DH and I had to leave a day later because of our job obligations. Christmas sucked. I was angry at everyone and everything. Why? Had I not suffered enough? Why once I had just found myself and my happiness did it all have to end? Where did the rest of her life go? She was ONLY 52! She never even got to meet her grandchildren… I was an emotional wreck and the diet, exercise, and caring stopped there. So the whole year of 2009 goes by and I yo-yoed between 155-185. By January of 2010 I was ready again and in a better state of mind to take care of myself. But, we were moving AGAIN… this time it was only supposed to be for 2 months for training and then to our ultimate duty station. Everything we owned was packed and placed in storage… Then we found out that our 2 month endeavor was actually an 8 month endeavor. Because of the beauracracy of the military, we could not receive of stuff back until he was done with training and in his ultimate station. We went for 8 months with NOTHING. No bed, no pots and pans, no washer, no NOTHING. We bought all we could afford, but it put us in sooo much debt. STRESS=POUNDS, between January 2010 and July of 2010 I went from 164 to over 183! The day I stared this blog is when I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I am done with the pain and stress and heartache! I will prevail. To add insult to injury, when we finally got here and got our stuff back (just a week ago), the movers had broken HALF- yes HALF of my furniture. Including 2 book cases, a washing machine, 2 entertainment centers, my loveseat, and our bed. Among other things… CAN I CATCH BREAK? I’m trying to DE-Stress here. Well, I’m giving it my best shot and I’m in it to win it now. Thanks to listening to my Life (RANT) Story. Hopefully it will give you insight to my blog and what I’m going through to lose it once and for all.