Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

Can you believe it? It’s 10AM in the morning and I’m awake- yah! At least I think yah… lol. So the last 3 weeks I have been insanely busy and tired leaving me no time to blog or really read blogs. I plan on starting to catch up with most of you guys in the next week and start posting a little more regularly.

I started job hunting and put in a few applications, I’m kind of nervous since my last work experience drained the everloving life I had for work out of me, but I think it’s time to get back in there. So far just retail applications, which are fine with me, one to PETCO and one for the local movie theater so far. I also figured out what I want to go to school for when the opportunity arises… to be a dental hygienist. It might not sound glamourous, but the pay is right up there with registered nursing and the hours are better. Plus side is a associates degree is all that is required to get started in the field. I think that in the next 2-3 years I’ll be able to start going to school, in the mean time I am going to try to do some CLEP testing to hopefully knock out most of my general studies and electives.

DH is not doing well at all, this deploymet has pretty much pushed him to the edge and he really wants to get out of the military after his enlistment is up. I am happy for him if this will make his life better and I support him in whatever he wants to do. It frustrates me (not him, just the situation) that people are so worthless that their attitudes can shit on someones dream like that though. The people are horrible over there and are just making his life miserable, he loves the military itself- but can’t stand the jackasses that come along with it anymore. He wanted to make it a career, but it seems that’s not in the cards. In any event though, I want what is best for him and so if it comes the time to leave this world of jackasses and malfunction, then good riddance to it. I’d much rather spend our lives happy than waste them for an early retirement. It seems that this year will yield a lot of transition in our lives and I am trying to welcome it with open arms. I know that we need to save a ton of money to sustain us while we figure things out and so I really hope that I get a job offer soon, every little bit helps.

On the weight loss front, things haven’t been progressing as quickly as planned, namely because for the last 2 weeks I didn’t work out or eat on plan. But I am down from my last post and this morning I weighed 161.8, less than 10lbs now from my all time low. I can’t wait to get there! I started food logging again and got up at the crack of dawn to go to the gym yesterday, I am supposed to go again today, but I am sore as crap from weight training yesterday so we’ll see if I make it there. I was babysitting for the last two weeks and helping out my friend whose DH went out on operations for 3 weeks while she had her drill weekend, so I contribute that to me being so off plan. I am currently 4lbs behind schedule so I have a lot of work to do to get back on track. I would kill to see the 150’s this Sunday for weigh in! Well maybe not kill. just maime a little… lol.

That’s about it girls in a nutshell, I should be posting June pictures around the first, I know  skipped May but since I didn’t lose weight those first 2 weeks I didn’t see a point. I’ll try my hardest to get on here and catch up with everyone soon. Hope you are all doing well. Love ya, Pepa

…but, from what my radiologist said, my lump is fine. I will explain when I have more time to write, but I wanted to let you all know I’m ok, just super busy! Hopefully talk to you all soon! -Pepa

Sorry I haven’t posted lately, a lot of stuff has popped up recently and kept me from focusing on my goals. I have been off plan for about week (off and on days) now and haven’t lost any more weight since last weigh in. I want to get back to where I was in my mind and hopefully I will get there soon. I haven’t been able to fix my sleep patterns and the hours are just getting further off. It started last Wednesday, I had a cheat day and had every intention of going back to normal the next day. Thursday I did ok and came in under calories, but Friday and Saturday were over although not terribly. Sunday I didn’t do half bad either, but by this point I had been up and down with the diet and had not worked out all week, so no changes on the scale. Then Sunday night, I was lying down and had a sharp pain in my right breast. It reminded me that it had been about 2-3 months since my last self breast exam, so I did it and found a nice hard painful lump.

I got an appointment for the next morning (Monday) and the doctor confirmed that I had not only that lump, but another one. I am scheduled to have an ultrasound on Thursday and will have to go from there. I am doing ok I guess, but at the same time the worry is there. I have a strong family history of breast cancer so it is definitely a possibility, though the other women in my family were in their 40’s or 50’s when diagnosed. My mother and maternal great aunt died of breast cancer and my maternal grandmother is a 30yr survivor. We also have some ovarian cancer in my grandmothers distant relatives, so it was thought that we could be carriers of the BRCA genes, but I had testing done a few years ago and I was negative.

At this point, I am not worried, but of course I’m worried. Does that make sense? I haven’t told anyone other than my best friend yet, I know it would break my Dad’s heart if I told him and I don’t want him to worry until I know something. Same with my DH, I’m trying to hold off telling him until after the ultrasound. So with all the stuffin my life right now, weight loss hasn’t been forefront in my mind, although I am trying to stay as close to on plan as I can. I think for the next week or two I’m going to just take it all easy. I hope to not gain in the meantime, but I’m not going to focus on losing hardcore or anything. Maybe I’ll find some motivation after the ultrasound is over? My lumps could be anything, fibrocystic changes, cysts, etc, but they could be cancer too and I’m not going to fool myself into a false sense of security. Wish me luck and prayers if you do, I will update you guys when I know more. Pray that I can get my wagon back on course too and maybe pull out a lower number next week. Love you guys, Pepa

My goal weight for the week was 165.8 and this morning I came in at 165.2, yah! So I passed my weigh in and am feeling pretty good about it. My goal for next sunday is 163.8 and I know I can do it! I am so close to new and uncharted territory I can taste it!