Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

Hey everyone I’m here to update again… Monday I stayed OP again and went to the grocery store and to my bestie K’s house to chill and hang out. I bought cereal, milk, yogurt, bread, fiber bars, and sandwich meat. Today I am OP again and went out to run some errands, pharmacy, post office, etc. I also went to Victoria’s Secret and used a couple of coupons. I had one for a free pair of panties and one for $10.00 off any purchase. I ended up getting 6 pairs or panties for just $16.50! Plus, I got a secret reward card that is worth between $10 and $500 dollars, so either way I got another $10.00 free. Sweet, I love VS they have such awesome sales and stuff. I wanted to get a bra or two, but I know that my band/cup size will probably change WHEN I DO hit my goal weight later this year, so I didn’t wanna drop $50.00 on a bra to wear for a couple of months. I even bought a couple of the panites in a size smaller than usual to keep me motivated. I also have some halter tops for summer that I really want to hang onto because I love them, but they are too big. Do you think it would cost much to have a tailor take in 3 or 4 halters… or should I just toss them and buy new ones? Whatever is most cost effective is the route I want to head down.

An update about DH now… He is safe in his destination and is trying to adjust. They are working pretty crazy hours over there and he is already tired. We have the ability to talk through Skype, so it makes things a lot better, but it’s still not a lot because he only has a few minutes at a time. He was telling me today that he is having a hard time because they are piling a lot of stuff in his lap and it seems as though no one else is pulling their weight. I feel horrible for him and it kills me that there is really nothing I can do for him. His morale is pretty low… I know that I always make him feel better when we talk, but there is really nothing I can do to change his feelings about his co-workers or the work load. I wish I could explain the whole story to you all, but I can’t. It’s so frustrating- maybe I should try to talk to a chaplain or something, I know that they have the rules on confidentiality and are service memebers themselves. I just need someone to help me figure out how to give DH a more positive outlook on his job situation. It makes me crazy in a way, I am so worried that he will need to talk and if I leave to go anywhere I might not be available (like at the gym for instance).

Anyways, so tonight I have plans to actually sit down and watch The Biggest Loser. I haven’t really got into this season since I have been so busy the last few weeks, but I’m really excited to get back into it- they are what half way done or a little more by now? I am going to sit down with a nice bag of low-fat popcorn and try to enjoy. Other than the above, nothing much has been going on. I have all this free time now and I just want to sit inside and relax for once. I guess I know that I have so much time now, that I’m like well screw the laundry for today, that part is kinda nice. Right now we literally don’t have any money until the 1st so I’m kinda limited in my activities anyway. I know that on payday I have big plans though, I want to get a scale, set up a tanning package, and pay off the bills… among other things that are floating around in my head. I guess that’s all for today, I still have a few things to do before TBL comes on so I will update again soon.

Goodmorning chickies! just writing a quick post to let you know what’s up… I am officially back on a low calorie diet as of Sunday March 27th. I will have my first official weigh in on Sunday April 3rd. Total calories yesterday were 1170. No exercise yet, I am honestly afraid to leave the house until I know DH’s new routine over there. I want to be here if he ever needs to skype with me. He had a rough day today, so pray for him that he can find peace over there. I think that he has a hard time because he isn’t the typical man’s man of the military. I wish I could be there with him, or even be there in place of him. *Sigh*

That’s really it I guess, I don’t have much else to post. Just that I am on my diet again and I’m going to plow through the next 6 months staying on plan. No junk for me! More later guys… TBC.

Just posting to let you all know that I am still around. Honestly I don’t feel much like writing, so that’s why I haven’t been around. DH left for the middle east on Thursday morning. I skyped with him from somewhere over the rainbow today for a while. It was nice to be able to see and talk to him. Tonight they are moving again to another location out in the sandbox, sorry so criptic, but we aren’t supposed to be specific when it comes to this stuff. I’m praying that they have a safe flight and that things are well when they arrive. I just want to know that he is ok, that’s all I really need is his safety.

I really have a lot to blog about, but like I said I just don’t really feel like blogging. Here is a list of things that I need to tell you all about when I feel a little better.

• Luray Caverns and the week off
• My diet/weight/ exercise lately
• My upcoming plans for the 1st of April
• DH leaving and how things went

I think that’s all I have to talk about… I went off plan last Saturday and haven’t been back on since. Things got really hectic and it was really too much to deal with. I feel like crap (literally) from all the junk that I have eaten and I’m really anxious to get started again. I know that I gained a few pounds, it seems crazy, but everytime I go off plan, I have about a 5lb gain. That’s how my body works, so i expect it even though I hate it. I know that it will come off more quickly than the rest of the weight, but it’s still frustrating. I’m going to get a scale on the 1st, no exception even if I have to charge it, so I will have a weigh in then. I’m thinking 176-177, but we shall see… I won’t be posting a picture for April though since I haven’t lost all month- there is really no use.

Well I’m exhausted and I’m about to try to sleep a little. Good night guys and I’ll be back soon.

Here I sit in my car outside of the laundry mat washing all DH’s unmentionables before the big trip. Big trip, that’s a nice way to look at it I guess. An extended time away from eachother, where hopefully once we are done will both have made some major changes. For him this is an opportunity to see a little more of this world, to further his career in an environment where there is no shortage of work or learning, and hopefully get in a little better shape too. DH isn’t unhealthy, but marriage and the daily grind have put a few extra pounds on him and also leaves him as little time to care for his body as I have had to for my own. Neither of us really know how much free time he will have to do anything other than work, but we do know that the personnel aren’t even allowed to go into town. Tensions are high everywhere now and they want our guys safe rather than sorry. I hope that he spends his spare time studying or working out, but the 208 dvd capacity case that he loaded to the brim tells me that might not be the case… only time will tell. I know that he will need a ton of stress release over there, but I pray that he also doesn’t over do the relaxation time like he does at home. Maybe the environment will spark his fire to move more.

On to myself, I hope that the time apart will bring us closer. I don’t really know that it’s possible because I love him so much already. I know they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but we’ve been apart before and all it did was make me sick. Watching the clothes tumble around in the dryer right now makes my stomach turn, I can’t believe that it’s here already. I hope that while DH is gone, that I can focus all my energy into finding my body. I feel like I am ready for that now, being alone should help that process. I thought about getting a job to save some money and have something to do during the next few months, but it makes me afraid that I won’t spend enough time working on me. I am going to lose 50 pounds, I will weigh 125 pounds when he returns, I won’t make excuses, and I will not eat junk. Last night I just laid awake for hours pondering how the next few months would go….

Without DH I won’t have a bedtime, I won’t need to cook large unhealthy meals, I won’t have a time limit at the gym. I will be on my own- completely. It’s very strange to think that I won’t need to be there at 4pm everyday to greet him after work. It’s strange to think that I can get up at 5am and not wake him with my alarm. Life will be different and new, I don’t know what I will do with myself really. I have already decided that the first few days I will go easy on myself. I plan on watching a few movies that I don’t have time to any other day, like Gone with the Wind- DH will never watch that with me. I’m going to hold out on going to the grocery store for as long as I can, I don’t want my emotional state to force me into buying cookies and ice cream. I was doing low carb up until Saturday and it had been helping me maintain so that is good. We went to a cookout Saturday though and I off plan, it was the first time in 3 weeks so I’m not too upset with myself. Yesterday we had dessert together too, so another off plan day, but I can be ok with it knowing that I kept myself from gaining the other 3 weeks. I’m sure the shock out of ketosis has thrown me about 5 pounds when you add it in with my TOM being here, but I’m not stressing too much. I’m trying to just be ok with everything until the time comes… only 3 days… what am I going to do?

Hey guys i’m still here, just been enjoying the time that DH has off. We went to Luray Caverns at Didi’s suggestion while we were on the way to York, Pa to visit a friend. It was so nice! I’ll post pictures when I have a minute, but it was amazing. I’ll tell you guys all about it soon. We went to a movie yesterday, Hall Pass, it was pretty effing funny. Time is dwindling away now, and I’m stilt not ready… woe is me. Well I better go and continue our time together. I’ll be back with more soon!

Nothing much to write about today, just a check in post. Went to Logan’s Roadhouse with a friend today, totally stayed on plan too. I had the steak and grilled chicken and it was awesome and low carb. I actually think that I may have lost a pound or two as well, my jeans felt just a hair looser today. It’s funny I’ve been dieting so long that I can tell when my waist goes down by a milimeter. I kinda enjoy not having a scale for now, it’s kind of freeing. But, I will be getting another one again soon.

I went to the gym yesterday and burned 550 calories, we took today off though to relax. It rained all day so it was kinda nice to just sit at home and enjoy the rain drops on the roof for most of the day.

Oh, I have a question/task for all of you guys. I need ideas for stuff for DH and I to do during the next week while he is off work before deployment. We live in Virginia Beach, VA so it could be day trips or up to a few days or just activities during the day. I’d say we would be willing to drive 5 hrs to go somewhere cool- hell we drove 19hrs from Washington state to Keystone, SD to see Mt Rushmore (btw: it was foggy the entire time and could barely see the monument XD).  We have led such active lives that it’s hard to even think of new material. Any suggestions would be much appreciated! Thanks chickies! -Pepa

My mind is very polluted with all the things that are coming up shortly and I find myself spiraling in thought every few hours or so, yet nothing else is really going on. Just stuck with all these thoughts in my head about what needs to be done, yet can’t be done yet, and all other matters on my brain table. DH has approximately 2 weeks until “go” time now. He works this week M-F then has Saturday the 12th through Sunday the 20th off for pre-deployment leave and then very soon there after it will be time. I’ll probably only be blogging sporadically for the next two weeks, especially during his week off, but I’ll be around for sure. DH has already told me that his week of leave he wants to load up on all the good food that he will miss while he’s gone, I’m not too worried about myself though unless ice cream is on the menu. I plan on sticking low carb ’til he leaves, so at least I do have options when eating out with him. *Remember Heather, just maintain, weight loss can start soon, just maintain.* Found out a few nifty things about where he is going, if you can call it that… Traditional fast food (when/where available in this country) is about $30 a pop, average temperature year round is 104F, clothing must be plain and “dressy” casual, and the work days are 10hrs/6days a week… unless things get busy then it’s 10hrs+/7days a week. Oh how I don’t envy him. BTW: for anyone curious my bestie’s deployment crisis is that her DH’s 3 month deployment got extended by 6 months, making it a 9 month deployment . Hope that we have better luck, but you never know with this life.

Moving along, thanks everybody for your kind comments about my March pictures. I really appreciate all the encouragement and you all really did make me feel a little better about myself and what I have/and still have to accomplish. My new goal once things start again for me is to lose 2 pounds a week for 26 weeks, that’s a safe pace and will put me right at my goal weight around the time DH is supposed to get home. There isn’t any good reason why I can’t manage to lose 2 pounds a week right girls? I know that you guys can reel me in if I’m not showing results. I can say now that I will need all the support I can get though and I’m so glad that I have found all you guys! I hope to make more close bloggy buddies in the future but for now, I just have to say to Goodnuff, Jelbelle, Didi, & Garnet; THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THAT YOU DO TO KEEP ME SANE AND MOTIVATED IN THIS CRAZY DIET WORLD! I really don’t know where I’d be without you guys.

Bestie K and I are going to be without our DH’s now for almost exactly the same time frame now, so we are making all kinds of plans to stay busy and pass the time. She’s really into working out so I know that she won’t hold me back with my exercise. We have plans to go to the gym in the morning and all summer long, lol. I hate it that she can’t go to my gym though because of the kids, but we’ll always have the community gym. Come April I am going to start going to the tanning bed with her and I can’t wait. I love the warm realxing feeling that you get from tanning! It’s been too long since this pasty skin has had any color to it. I plan to be tan and thin by the time DH gets back, lol, it’s fun just to think about the fun I’ll have getting my hair, nails, new outfit for homecoming and he hasn’t even left yet. Oh the little comforts that we cling to, huh?

I guess that’s all for today, I can’t believe that the Mardi Gras Challenge is almost over! I wish I had racked up a few hundred more beads, but I’m happy with what I’ve done. I got up and moved even though I didn’t feel like it and didn’t have much time. Didi’s ST. Patty’s Day Challenge is almost over too and I still don’t even have a scale! I’m pretty sure I haven’t gained, but I’m also pretty sure I haven’t lost- but that’s ok! Maintain! Well, I’ll update whenever I have more to say gals. Stay OP and keep moving! -Pepa

Can’t give any details, but please say a prayer (if you do) to my bestie K’s military family this week. We just found out some heartbreaking news about her hubby’s deployment.

To Incontrol2day: I accidently spammed your comment because it was surrounded by other true spam. I did read it though and thanks for the compliment on my waist and ta ta’s!

Will return later today…